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Local footy team to play on "exfoliating" gravel field after administrative error

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Roar Rookie
8th May, 2019
6

Fans and interested onlookers have often observed that members of the Gungahlin Golden Sun Moths midfield (and defence, and forward line) “look like they’re running in treacle”.

After a catastrophic administrative error, it appears that the Moths (and their opponents) will actually be running on a mixture of sand and crushed gravel for at least their next three home matches.

The Moths engaged a local contractor, Mandlebaum Landscaping, to replace the existing couch grass surface at Harrison District Playing Field No.2 with a thicker ryegrass variety. The replacement surface promised a soft feel that would leave players, even those with sensitive skin, feeling clean and smooth all over (#cleanliving #blessed #influencer) after being slammed into the turf.

Unfortunately, the Moths accounting team misread the quote and proceeded on the belief that the subtotal for “turf removal” was, in fact, the total cost for the turf removal and replacement. The removal went ahead, but the club budget will not extend to cover the replacement until at least three games’ worth of ticket receipts and concessions are received.

As it turns out, the removal of the existing grass revealed a base of gravel and assorted trash. It was determined the cheapest available material to slightly soften the abrasive and unsanitary surface was sand “liberated” from the famed brown beaches of Lake Burley Griffin’s southern banks.

Commenting on the state of affairs after training on Tuesday, volunteer coach and part-time Bob Hawke impersonator, Warrel, said; “Obviously we’re disappointed the lush putting green type surface we were shown in the brochure has turned into a bit of a moonscape.

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“It was supposed to be the lawn equivalent of a moisturiser but it’s in the category of a pretty harsh exfoliating scrub now. It’s not particularly stable either. We had a run around on it this evening and you tend to spin your wheels any time you try to set off.”

On a more positive note, Warrel went on to add; “It’ll be the same for both teams – we’re not necessarily the quickest team in the comp anyway, so maybe a bit of an ugly, congested contest in the sandpit will suit us.

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“Anyway, it’s not like it’s any worse of a surface than Pixar Park or whatever they’re calling Docklands these days,” he added.

While it is true the surface will pose the same problem for both teams in the Moths next three home games (against the Googong Dugons, the Belconnen Breadwinners and the Manuka Honeybadgers), the potential for players to suffer injury or infection at training over that period will be a concern.

The spine of the team is already looking unsettled for this weekend after full forward Marcus ‘The Flop Sweat’ Taylor and centre-half back Clackers both suffered minor cuts, abrasions and gravel rash to over 90 per cent of their bodies during a short-lived tackling drill on Tuesday night.

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