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The World Cup in Haiku

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Roar Guru
17th October, 2019

Uruguay: five tries.
Bankers, vintners, carpenters,
White tee-shirts; winners.

Namibia lost
But inspired a spray from Shag:
Seventy-one points.

Georgia broke away
From Soviets in Ninety One;
Learned rugby to stay free.

Russia loses big.
The Bears have scored just one try.
But could lead in cards.

Oh, no, Canada.
Averaging less than four points
Will give you a spoon.

America’s last
In Pool C; surrendering
To France, no trump card.

Tonga’s still winless,
But gave fancied Frogs a fright:
Vaipulu’s offloads.

Samoa plays big.
A hundred turnovers won,
Four yellows, one red.

Fiji breaks all lines.
Could they turn it upside down
By shocking Gatland?

Semi Radradra playing for Fiji

(Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)

Los Pumas bombed out.
They dropped their Nico Sanchez;
Their best guy, and Gus.

These courageous teams
Came, saw, and did not conquer.
No chance to lift Bill.

And so, at this point,
Ten teams remain with a chance,

But Italy’s props
Have premature ejection.
And karma prevails.

The brave Scots are wee.
Canny, but nae try-scorers.
The gain line a dream.

Wales is seldom hot.
In Cardiff, it rains old wives
And walking sticks, aye?

So, France will progress
Re-enact the Six Nations
Wilting against Wales.


Japan has tackled
Four thirty and seven times
Is that too many?

Michael Cheika’s search
For his one and true flyhalf,
And soul, continues.

The Irish sing loud.
But Japan exposed the truth:
There is no there, there.

Of the eight still in,
Only three have the depth
To go all the way.

England looks rugged.
Eddie Jones will drive the Ford
Over Wallabies.

The Boks have power
Of course, but Cheslin Kolbe
Is a smooth mutant.

New Zealand has grown
Step by step, with Brodie back.
Favoured in all games.

Brodie Retallick

(Photo by Amilcar Orfali/Getty Images)


Who would have foreseen
Namibia’s more breaks than
Scotland at this point?

Or that Uruguay
Would steal more bloody lineouts
Than Itoje’s lads?

But ultimately
This tournament can only
Be won by a few.

The likely foursome
In Yokohama City
Is green, red, black, white.

Alun, George, Eben.
Beauden versus, um, Beauden;
South over the North.