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Shorter Test matches needed to curb Marnus Labuschagne's daddy hundreds

7th January, 2020
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Expert
7th January, 2020
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Not only will shortening matches save Test cricket with more T20s, it will also ensure Australia’s future by capping Marnus Labuschagne’s ever-lengthening knocks at 34 hours max.

With four monolithic tons in five weeks and a maiden double-hundred at the SCG, Labuschagne is on a clear trajectory to eventually bat until the end of time, especially if Todd Astle keeps trying to take catches from his own bowling.

In the space of a few months, the Queenslander has become so valuable that Australia needs an enquiry to determine who failed to rashly pick him from obscurity earlier, despite us all knowing it was probably the Greens.

Such has been the his gluttonous stays, historians have even begun trawling records to debunk conspiracy theories he has been at the crease pre-summer, or pre-partum, or possibly even pre-Bradman.

This has lead to the obvious question: is Labuschagne the best since Batman?

There is no doubt it is natural under the circumstances to mention the rookie alongside the superhuman feats of the Caped Crusader and the masterful Sir Don. But we must exercise care when comparing our batsmen to fictional comic book characters and, more notably, Batman.

Hopefully we can maturely postpone this debate until he accomplishes the basics of Test batting immortality, such as scoring under an alias, or to the point of upsetting Ian Chappell posthumously.

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Marnus Labuschagne

Marnus Labuschagne raises his bat yet again (Photo by Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)

But whatever happens, it appears the current five-day format will be barely enough to contain Labuschagne’s appetite. After all, his captain, Tim Paine, loves secure targets and resting bowlers, and bereft opposition captains are resorting to plans to dismiss him via Mankad or natural causes.

But the greatest concern arising from this voracious endurance is not the shame of crediting our selectors on a shrewd decision, it is the prospect of how he could crush this nation beyond repair.

It is acknowledged that allowing the 25-year-old to bat forever could be somewhat advantageous to Australia in the short-term, especially those in ball manufacturing and television advertising.

However, having him effectively halve the number of available spots in the middle by mortgaging an end for eternity could result in something akin to the devastation of the post-Shane Warne spin vacuum.

For those uninitiated, this saw an entire generation of promiscuous leg-spin wasted due to an immovable bleached-blonde semi-vinyl ceiling, which yes, despite being metaphorical, was fitted with a filthy big mirror next to a mural over a king-sized bed.

Can Australia afford a future top order filled with the likes of Michael Beer, Daniel Cullen and that bloke who works at the bank?

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Sure, we could pray for another unheralded Labuschagne to be plucked sight-unseen from the lower grades, proving again that anything’s possible if you work hard and get picked fortuitously by selectors who are out of ideas.

But there’s only so long we can rely on generational leg-spinning first-drops being produced from Australia’s renowned breeding ground – that being the second division of County Cricket.

As you can clearly see, the threat to Australia posed by Labuschagne is real. This is why I’m calling on the ICC to ignore the wishes of its 12-man board of Virat Kohli and immediately truncate the format to save us from a future pinning our hopes on gambles and Travis Head.

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A number of methods could be easily employed to shorten games, such as increased daily over rates, or by scheduling all games to be played in Australia against Pakistan and New Zealand in the years 2019-20.

While abbreviating to four days will present a teething period where Labuschagne bats for three days and then bowls out the opposition twice on day four, at least an impromptu T20 match could be played in the spare final session.

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