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Satire

The 2020 NRL season in review

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30th March, 2020
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That familiar time of the year is already upon us, when the chill of winter is arriving and another rugby league season ends. So as we do every March, let’s review another year of NRL.

The 2020 season saw the NRL reinforced as one of the most gruelling competitions in world sport, with the season unfolding over a marathon fortnight before a breathtaking post-season of uncertainty and FaceTime interviews.

While many recall the year as one of particular obscurity, 2020 still packed plenty of similarities to competitions past. Melbourne were consistent, the Tigers finished ninth and premiers Parramatta technically won but it didn’t count.

The new year also introduced a raft of rule changes, including the 20-40, new scrum restarts and the captains challenge, with the latter welcomed by narks before eventually serving only as a reminder that front-rowers shouldn’t talk.

Dylan Brown of the Eels scores a try.

(Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)

After an anticipated build-up, the competition opened with a bang as two of the game’s most fierce rivals clashed. Then once the left and right were done bickering over Tina Turner, the footy started.

Round 1 saw grand finalists Canberra resume from where they left off in 2019, the Knights and the Tigers produce their usual over-promising and the Broncos impress in crushing the Cowboys in the only game at Townsville’s new disposable single-use stadium.

But the highlight of the weekend was the Panthers, with their stunning win over the Roosters showcasing a cavalcade of youth that bamboozled with the same deception usually seen in the club’s premiership credentials.

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Before we knew it, Round 1 was over and the competition was at the halfway point of the season. Amazingly, every team found themselves only one win outside the top eight, relatively unscathed by Origin and reeking of hand sanitiser.

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In one of the most extraordinary accomplishments of a long season, even the Warriors remained in finals contention. This was despite a cruel quirk that saw them scheduled a nine-month gap between home games and indefinite lockdown with contaminated Queenslanders.

While most teams were enjoying a relatively clean bill of health, the judiciary was baring its teeth with a new hardline era of punishment. This saw Tevita Pangai Junior rubbed out until next year, while a lifted leg from Suliasi Vunivalu almost saw him banished to rugby.

Round 2 saw the NRL formalise its relationship with empty stadiums by officially locking out fans, with the game finally bowing to pressure from the nation’s highest office, the AFL.

Here Jason Taumalolo racked up a year’s running metres on the Bulldogs faces, while St George Illawarra’s display against Penrith showed their commitment to hygiene measures by still washing their hands of Paul McGregor.

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But the sparkling climax to an arduous 16-game campaign came in front of 200 lanyards at Cbus Super Stadium, with the Parramatta Eels win over the Titans clinching the Blue and Golds the coveted title of NRL clubhouse leaders.

The memorable 42-6 win capped a drought-breaking campaign for Brad Arthur’s men, not only delivering the club’s first hollow title since 2009 but also snapping the stronghold on the premature pre-Origin premiership held by McGregor’s Dragons.

Upon news of the season’s suspension, joy was unconfined among long-suffering Eels fans, with many seen rapturously celebrating in the traditional fashion: with welding masks at a four-metre distance.

A genuine premiership was finally in their keeping, all thanks to Arthur’s years of assembling a well-balanced squad, and the NRL failing to find a hairdressing salon that could accommodate 300-plus games in 30 minutes.

Nevertheless, 15 other teams wait in hope of challenging the Eels when the season resumes, whenever that will be.

This uncertainty on a restart from the NRL was not only due to the ever-changing nature of the pandemic but to also provide fans with a substitute for Origin kick-off times.

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