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It’s funny the thoughts that go through your head when you’ve got plenty of time to think. Let’s face it, for many us, we have too much of that at present.
A recurring thought, that manifested itself into this article, is just how selfish batsmen are. Now before the batting fraternity gets all uppity, there are a couple of caveats.
This comment does not apply to all batsmen, just most. There are also degrees of selfishness, which seem to correlate to how much empathy you’re prepared to give bowlers, who are not selfish at all.
First of all a history lesson. Everyone knows cricket is a game for batsmen, run by batsmen, at the expense of bowlers. It’s been that way for a thousand years – well, since the 1800s anyway.
“They came to see me bat, not you bowl”. These words were supposedly uttered by WG Grace, who had the misfortune to be bowled. Apparently he put the bails back on and kept batting.
In another WG incident, Australian fast bowler Ernie Jones apparently bowled a delivery that went through the good doctor’s beard. Grace was not amused and Jones uttered the famous apology “sorry doctor, she slipped”.
WG Grace (Public domain)
Two perfect examples of a selfish batsman. On the one hand, Grace thought he was the star attraction (I assume he was, seeing I’ve no idea who the bowler was) and then he managed to get a fast bowler to say he was sorry! Sorry for what?
Fast forward five decades and Douglas Jardine came up with a cunning plan called leg theory. Batsmen were so incensed by their inability to score double and triple centuries every few innings, they perpetuated the name “Bodyline”.
This word still conjures up visions of demon English quicks trying their best to knock over a bloke named Bradman and stop him from averaging more than a hundred for the series… again.
Rules were then changed, so only a couple of fielders could be placed behind square, leg, thus allowing batsmen to dominate bowlers once more. Still, bowlers tried their best to even the odds, but every time they did, batsmen changed the rules.
The great quicks of the 70s and 80s were having a lovely time pinging the ball at searing pace at batsmen’s heads, so the rule was changed to allow only two bouncers per over. Notice the rules aren’t changed to allow a batsman to hit only two fours, or two sixes per over?
We then come to the modern era of cricket. This is where batsmen have taken control of the game almost completely.
Bowlers were perfectly happy, toiling away for over after over in the hot sun, finishing play at 6pm then sitting in the dressing room, having high-brow conversations with their bowling mates, over a few well-earned beers.
Batsmen decided it was a really good idea to introduce one day cricket, so they could heap further pain on all types of bowlers.
The bats always win. (Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)
First of all they decided games start almost always in the afternoon, to allow the batsmen to have a good sleep in. Then they decided the game was all about them, so pitches were made into roads and boundaries brought in so far, there was barely enough room for the 11 fieldsmen and the umpire at square leg had to make decisions from the first row of spectators.
Bats were allowed to be the size of a Fred Flintstone club and heaven help a bowler who overstepped by so much a millimetre when bowling. Batsmen could also move where ever they liked around the crease, but if the ball went behind their legs, it had to be a wide.
The final sadistic nail in the bowling coffin was the creation of T20 cricket. Bowlers were now accounted to be world-class if they went at less than eight runs an over. It made no sense to bowl really fast because a simple feather off the railway sleepers loosely called bats, would fly miles over the ropes.
There are many other areas where batsmen’s selfishness comes out.
In “the good old days”, when batsmen were a tad less selfish, they often walked prior to being given out. One of the benefits of this was saving their ears from being sledged off their heads by irate bowlers.
Sadly though, this aspect of the game has almost ceased to exist, unless of course a batsman’s middle stump ends up beside the keeper (and even then, many will wait for a TV replay).
Sadder still is how this has infected some bowlers, as evidenced by Stuart Broad in 2013.
Batsmen can change their bats as often as they like in a game, swapping one bit of timber for a brand new one. What happens to bowlers if the ball goes out of shape?
They don’t get to choose a brand new cherry, but have to take whatever ball is given to them by the umpires.
These balls are supposed to have the same amount of wear as the ball being discarded. The question that’s never asked is, who gets the replacement balls to the right stage of use? Bowlers of course.
Not only can batsmen change their bats for brand new ones, they can change their batting gloves at least once an over as well. Not so bowlers. They’re not even allowed to wear sweat bands on their wrists, according to Dean Jones, a batsman and bad actor.
Batsmen also have certain luxuries bowlers do not. A batsman gets out for a duck, they have the luxury of stomping off the ground, being filmed muttering and cursing, then heading into an air-conditioned dressing room, which they proceed to demolish.
What happens if a bowler gets a bad decision or bowls a bad over? In the case of Steve Harmison, they get to stand in the hot sun all day, while 30,000 Australians remind him of his first ball in an Ashes series.
Batsmen have also decided there aren’t enough of them in the team, so now wicketkeepers have to be able to bat at least as well, if not better than blokes who have only one job to do – bat.
In the case of someone like Adam Gilchrist, they not only have to keep wicket for 50 overs, they then get to open the batting after a half hour spell in the sheds.
Bowlers too face the same issues. Rather than being able to swing the bat at everything and have a bit of fun, they have to “bat responsibly” and don’t they cop plenty if they back away or get out playing a “forgettable” shot?
It doesn’t matter that the guys from 1–6, who have one job, haven’t done it, the bowlers are expected to pull the team out of trouble, even though they don’t have anywhere near the batting skills of the guys who came in before them.
The final and most obvious bit of batting selfishness has to be a batsman demanding a nightwatchman. It doesn’t matter that the bowling group has toiled for 80 plus overs in 35 degree heat, the call will come out “Gary, pad up, you’re nightwatchman”.
So a guy who averages less than 13 and normally bats 10 or 11, has to go out and try to do the job of a guy who averages over 40, simply because the batsman doesn’t want to face the bowling? Really?
It’s probably a good thing bowlers by and large are such a quiet, placid bunch, happy to accommodate the whims and foibles of batsmen. Look out though if these sleeping giants ever wake up!
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