Satire
Brisbane Broncos coach Anthony Seibold has angrily denied claims that he is seeking to register four surplus cardboard cut-outs as outside backs before the 30 June deadline.
It is understood that the coach, who is under increasing pressure after three successive losses and conceding 152 points in the opening five rounds, may be planning to replace several of his under-performing players with the unusual recruits, to improve the defence on the Broncos’ edges.
The rumours, which refuse to go away, began when an anonymous source claimed he saw a dejected Seibold shortly after the record 59-0 loss against the Roosters looking with some interest at some of the cardboard figures at Suncorp Stadium.
(Chris Hyde/Getty Images)
It is thought Seibold initially wanted to send a cardboard cut-out to face that week’s post-match media interview, a tactic previously used by master coach Wayne Bennett when he sent Darius Boyd to a St George Illawarra press conference in 2009.
However, it seems that the coach then conceived of a far greater opportunity for the cut-outs.
The same source reported that at Broncos training the day after the latest capitulation against Manly, he saw four cardboard figures standing in defensive positions on the training paddock during an opposed contact session.
“I seen them new guys make a lot more tackles at training than the other blokes did in recent matches, that’s for sure”, said the witness, who admitted to being a disgruntled Broncos fan.
“Well, look, at least the coach is trying something different so good on him!” he said, before adding that in attack, the regular squad struggled to score tries against the new defenders during the training session.
The new recruits would not, however, be allowed to play for the Broncos next weekend unless the NRL granted the unusual registration request. However, it would not surprise anyone if Peter V’landys gave the green light.
When asked hypothetically about the concept, V’landys refused to dismiss the idea, saying: “If they can fit them under the salary cap, I don’t have a problem with it in principle. In fact, it may open up a sponsorship opportunity with Visy, which can’t hurt the game, can it?”
When asked what they thought of the alleged strategy, rival fans weren’t so supportive.
One Sharks fan argued that it would be inequitable if Brisbane could bring in four replacements for $22 each given other squads were lumbered with much more expensive stars making roughly the same contribution.
(AAP Image/Craig Golding)
If approved, the cardboard figures may soon be in short supply as other struggling coaches seek to copy the strategy.
One rival coach remarked that he saw plenty of upside with the idea, particularly given such players would come with a much reduced risk of off-field indiscretions.
The news comes as crowds are slowly being allowed to return to matches, prompting concerns about what the future holds for the cardboard cut-outs.
Welfare organisations have warned of the risk that they may be heartlessly sent to recycling, or worse still, forced to join membership of the Sydney Roosters.
However, for at least four of the cardboard figures, it appears they may have a home at Red Hill.
More to come.
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