COVID chaos, post-match brawls and coach sackings. Just another week in the NFL.

1. Kansas City Chiefs (4-0)
Last week: 1
The Chiefs have started the season 4-0 for the fourth straight year, each of those years under head coach Andy Reid. The good thing about their COVID-impacted game against the Patriots showed that the team can win without Patrick Mahomes going bananas. In fact it was only New England errors that made this game look comfortable for KC. Starting with a dropped interception on the game’s first drive, then Julian Edelman’s gift drop, which led to an interception return for a touchdown and Brian Hoyer’s crucial blunders pushing the Pats out of field goal range. But all in all, mission accomplished without too much trouble.

2. Green Bay Packers (4-0)
Last week: 2
Aaron Rodgers was like a shark with blood in the water on Monday night football. You could just see on his face that the ailing and failing Atlanta defence was his plaything that he could pretty much do whatever he wanted with. Finishing with four touchdowns and 327 yards seemed almost merciful on his part – even without his top wideouts – Davante Adams and Allen Lazard. Speaking of pass catchers, tight end Robert Tonyan went off, grabbing three touchdowns and getting mad shout-outs from his good mate George Kittle. Week 5 is a bye for everyone to try and get healthy.

3. Tennessee Titans (3-0)*
Last week: 3
I suppose it was bound to happen at some stage, and to be brutally honest COVID interference will still have a bearing on this season. But it was most inconvenient that it scrubbed an exciting match-up between two unbeaten sides who everyone wants to know if they are legit or not. There is good news, though, in that the Titans will take on the Steelers in Week 7 as long as everyone wears a mask, obeys social distancing and doesn’t dance at weddings. Here’s hoping…

4. Seattle Seahawks (4-0)
Last week: 4
Okay, so it’s 19 seconds from halftime. You’re leading 10-9 on the road with the ball on your own 36-yard line. What do you do? Run out the clock and go to the sheds? Not if you’re Russell Wilson you don’t. In that time he went bang, bang, bang – completing three passes downfield for a touchdown to running back Travis Homer. That’s impressive. From there Russ and the Hawks offence went into a bit of a slumber before pulling away with a couple of touchdowns late in the fourth to get the win against a scrappy Miami squad. Like cooking instant noodles – nothing flashy but gets the job done.

5. Baltimore Ravens (3-1)
Last week: 5
I kinda thought Baltimore might come out and destroy Washington after last week’s disappointment. However, they were handily effective in a 31-17 victory. Lamar Jackson bounced back nicely with a pair of touchdowns to – who else – tight end Mark Andrews and had a sizzling run for a touchdown to remind everyone who the reigning MVP is. It’s pretty clear that tackle Ronnie Stanley is a big piece of this Ravens offensive puzzle, so the entire team will be happy to get him back on the field. The defence will also be looking to prepare a warm welcome for rookie Joe Burrow and the Bengals next week.

6. Buffalo Bills (4-0)
Last week: 6
Think Josh Allen likes having his new receiver Stefon Diggs? I think yes. Diggs casually racked up another 115 yards in the game against the Vegas Rollers, as the unbeaten Bills remained, well, unbeaten. Josh Allen threw for two scores and ran for another while shrugging off a shoulder ‘stinger’ in the first half. Bills fans will already be getting the foldable tables ready for next week as – COVID pending – they get to take on the undefeated Titans in what could be a belter of a match.

7. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0)*
Last week: 7
Probably would be more put-out than the Titans for their game’s postponement due to having less of an injury toll and gathering a bit of momentum. But the silver lining for the Steelers is that they get an effective bye this week so can try and get wide receiver Diontae Johnson back for the Pennsylvania Bowl next week against the Eagles. Plus, for the first time this year, fans will be allowed at Heinz Field. Only 5500 fans, so still plenty of yellow seats, but it’s a start.

8. Los Angeles Rams (3-1)
Last week: 10
It’s family feud: NFL edition! Rams cornerback Jalen Ramsey apparently treated his former girlfriend (Giants wide receiver Golden Tate’s sister) poorly. They marked each other during the game, so tensions were running high, with big hits and an eventual midfield brawl after full time. Yes, folks; this time it’s personal. Ramsey was also reported to want to carry on festivities in the Giants changing sheds. Oh, also the Rams phoned it in (which you can do against the Giants) and got the win. Next!

9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1)
Last week: 12
Go deep! Bruce Arians’s offence is starting to really hum along led by a guy they call TB12. Five touchdowns thrown by the old goat and suddenly the Bucs are on a three-match winning streak and looking the class of the NFC South. Now, I know, I know – let’s not get carried away, because we all know Tom Brady won’t be. This is a good all-round team despite missing wideout Chris Godwin. And Tommy being Tommy, he’ll be eyeing up a rematch with Nick Foles on Thursday night football against the Bears. Brady three, Bill Belichick two

10. Indianapolis Colts (3-1)
Last week: 17
Don’t look now, but the Colts are getting going. And by ‘getting going’ I mean stopping anyone else from getting going. The defence is rated as the NFL’s top unit – sorry, Steelers fans – and old boy Philip Rivers seems like he’s enjoying being part of a tough team that doesn’t need him to side-arm them to win every week. Defensive leader Darius Leonard did leave the game injured, and that will be a concern, as he will be needed next week to take on a suddenly surging Browns. Speaking of which…

11. Cleveland Browns (3-1)
Last week: 18
Here come the Browns! After a Week 1 false start Cleveland have started firing to win three games on the bounce. Now, Odell Beckham Jr is getting the headlines for exploding with a few house calls and over 150 yards of offence – including some ridiculous plays – however, the bigger story here might be the running game which piled up 307 yards on Dem Boys, which is great. However, it now comes with a huge catch. Lead running back Nick Chubb exited the game with a knee injury, so that’s a huge worry in itself. But apparently backup Kareem Hunt, who has been doing great things too, is battling a groin injury. The team’s leading rusher on the day was D’Ernest Johnson. Now that’s a name!

12. New England Patriots (2-2)
Last week: 7
You get the feeling that if their game against the Chiefs were postponed, it would have been less of a disruption for Bill Belichick and co. Quarterback Cam Newton tested positive for COVID, so he was scratched from the game. Their top running back, Sony Michel, was put on injured reserve, their game was delayed until Monday night, they couldn’t fly to KC until gameday, then their flight was delayed. So with all that, the Patriots still went out and troubled the champs on their home ground. As mentioned earlier, if not for their own mistakes, this could well have been a close contest. Anyways, spilt milk and all that – next week they take on the Broncos.

13. San Francisco 49ers (2-2)
Last week: 9
So just how far away is Jimmy Garoppolo? The quarterback that a bunch of people got into in last year’s playoffs is suddenly proving his worth by not being there. Getting tight end George Kittle back did help as he hauled in 15 catches for 183 yards and a touchdown, as did having the other promising receivers. However, with Nick Mullens throwing three interceptions and getting benched, it was not enough to stop a desperate Eagles from getting their first win of the season. Garoppolo is being assessed, but at 2-2 with a game against Miami next, things are actually not too bad in the golden state.

14. Chicago Bears (3-1)
Last week: 11
Is it just me or did it feel like the Bears had already lost this season? There’s a lot of chat about them being imposters compared to their unbeaten record, so the Colts offered up a timely reality check for 2020’s early-season overachievers. No comeback this week for quarterback Nick Foles, who admitted himself that he needs to be better, and he’ll want to be too as the Bucs come to town led by a certain quarterback who is missing a Super Bowl ring because of Foles’s deeds in Super Bowl LII. Don’t poke the, well, bear.

15. Las Vegas Raiders (2-2)
Last week: 13
What happened to the good times? It seems like a couple of losses have made the Raiders just a little bit cranky. Quarterback Derek Carr says he’s “seen a lot of crap” over his career and attention is turning to the defensive line, which is getting pushed around far too much. Fourth overall pick in 2019 Clelin Ferrell has had his involvement dip and he’s not injured, so what’s up with that? Even gun running back Josh Jacobs is getting a tune-up for too many negative yardage plays. Damn, guys, you’re still 2-2, so cheer up, buttercup!

16. New Orleans Saints (2-2)
Last week: 14
A gutsy win on the road by the Saints. With a stack of injuries on both sides of the ball they could have easily slipped up against Detroit, who skipped out to a 14-point lead. But just when you think old man Brees is faltering, he sends a timely reminder that they ain’t done yet. With three touchdowns on the ground – one of which to the ever-amazing Alvin Kamara and two through the air – a game such as this could have benefits for the trust factor with anyone not named Michael Thomas.

17. Carolina Panthers (2-2)
Last week: 24
The Panthers have now got going with two straight wins to break even. Teddy Bridgewater is a great story of resilience, bouncing back from what very much looked like a career-ending injury a few years back to now lead Carolina to decent wins. And one gets the feeling they may not be done. Bridgewater threw for 276 yards and two touchdowns and ran for another against the Cardinals defence. Being aggressive on offence and keeping eyes on Kyler Murray on defence paved the way for a solid win, and could it be a triple against the upcoming Failcons? Maybe.

18. Arizona Cardinals (2-2)
Last week: 16
If there was a game during which I was thinking Kyler Murray was going to bust out and really show the world what he could do, this was it. Except, as it turned out, it wasn’t. Coach Kliff Kingsbury – of Kliff Kingsbury’s house fame – blasted his side for lacking energy. Not even Kyler’s BFF, DeAndre Hopkins, got into it, with a mere 41 receiving yards – though he hadn’t practised all week due to a foot injury. Running back Kenyan Drake left injured after compiling only 28 rushing yards too. You know when you just have one of those days? It seems like the Cards just did.

19. Philadelphia Eagles (1-2-1)
Last week: 19
Your NFC East leaders, ladies and gentlemen! One win was all it took to boost the Iggles up to first place in this dumpster fire of a division. But when things got desperate, Philly went back to its strengths: letting the D-line cause problems for its opposition. Now, I’ve got to admit that when I saw No. 13 haul in a touchdown catch I thought it might’ve been Nelson Agholor, except for two things: Agholor is now a Raider and No. 13 actually caught the ball (ouch). Instead it was Travis Fulgham, a 2019 sixth-round pick who was waived by the Detroit Lions and then spent nine days with the Packers before joining the Eagles and ultimately caught the matchwinning touchdown pass. What a story.

20. Minnesota Vikings (1-3)
Last week: 21
It really did feel like this was coming. Minnesota has too much going for it to be sinking as they were and got that elusive win over the Texans. Dalvin Cook is a beast, leading the NFL in rushing yards and adding a further 130 to his tally along with a pair of touchdowns for good measure. Rookie wide receiver Justin Jefferson is sitting eighth on the receiving list, having put up his second straight 100-yard performance. The defence showed some more fight too, though safety Harrison Smith showed a little too much by getting ejected from the contest for a helmet-to-helmet hit.

21. Dallas Cowboys (1-3)
Last week: 13
Party time in Big D! Dak Prescott has become the first quarterback in NFL history to throw at least 450 yards in three straight games. In fact against Cleveland he had his first 500-yard game. Wide receivers Amari Cooper and CeeDee Lamb had a ball, with Cooper piling up yards like ten-cent poker chips and Lamb picking up his first two NFL touchdowns. So great! Now, what else? Oh yeah, the defence is still a disaster and they got sconed at home by the Browns. The upside is that Philly now leads the NFC East with a 1-2-1 record, so the division is there for the taking.

22. Cincinnati Bengals (1-2-1)
Last week: 29
That leaping Joe Mixon touchdown run to hurdle a defender was highlight-worthy, and he ended up with three total touchdowns on the day. This was a decent game against Jacksonville, with both teams flashing plenty of young talent who will probably go on to have long, successful careers (more likely with other clubs). Joe Burrow is starting to look every bit the field general that the Bengals so desperately need, developing good chemistry with Tyler Boyd and rookie Tee Higgins. But where is AJ Green?

23. Los Angeles Chargers (1-3)
Last week: 26
I get it. A winnable game on the road and you’re up 17 points and then lose. But there are still a lot of positives for these Bolts. This defence can make life difficult for pretty much any offence. They’ve just got to try and not let up against the high-octane ones like the Bucs. Rookie running back Joshua Kelley’s fumble right before halftime was huge and, with Austin Ekeler sidelined with injury for the coming weeks, it’s going be on him to carry the load. This Justin Herbert, though – his throws look like a glazed ham at Christmas lunch. That’s really good, in case you’re wondering.

24. Houston Texans (0-4)
Last week: 20
In the most ironic statement of the week, Bill O’Brien said, “We’ve just got to keep working”. Hate to correct you on that one, Billy boy, but you definitely won’t be working. O’Brien became the first coaching casualty of this young NFL season as the Texans sunk to 0-4 against the Vikings. I actually thought Dan Quinn was going to win the first-to-get-the-boot race, but there you go. O’Brien did have a winning record with the Texans, though public support had waned badly following the DeAndre Hopkins trade last year – especially given he held both roles of head coach and general manager. Anyways, Romeo Crennel takes over as interim coach and he seems like a big cuddly teddy bear. Bet the Texans players will see him differently though.

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3)
Last week: 23
Aldrick Rosas is now the fourth kicker the Jags have used this year. He showed why when missing his first attempted field goal. My guy – running back James Robinson – keeps looking good as a runner and receiving option out of the backfield, while the Gardner Minshew-Darrell Chark combo is again proving effective, accounting for two more touchdowns in this game. It’s hard to believe this side knocked off Indy in the season opener, but they better pick up their bundle quickly with a trip to the out of sorts Texans coming up.

26. Washington Football Team (1-3)
Last week: 25
Rivera strong! Washington head coach Ron Rivera showed incredible strength this week by having gone through cancer treatment during the week and still handling coaching duties. He apparently took two bags of IV fluids pre-game and took sit-down breaks during the game, so if that isn’t an example for a team to follow, then I don’t know what is. His side fought hard again, ending Lamar Jackson’s 159 straight pass streak without an interception and Dwayne Haskins throwing for over 300 yards. This team isn’t very good, but they aren’t lacking for inspiration.

27. Miami Dolphins (1-3)
Last week: 27
Miami gave it a decent crack against the visiting Seahawks. The defence especially held Seattle’s high-flying offence in check for the majority of the contest before fading late in both halves, conceding 21 of the overall 31 points. The Fins are just lacking a bit of punch with the ball. They drove down the field on a number of occasions only to have to settle for five field goals and conceding a couple of turnovers. Next week Miami are going to San Francisco.

28. Detroit Lions (1-3)
Last week: 28
This is not the defence Lions fans had hoped for when Matt Patricia took charge. Into a make-it-or-break-it year, things are looking decidedly dicey in Motown. Matt Stafford threw three touchdowns and a pick for a steady day, while the running game continues to be a huge issue. In fact the leading runner was Adrian Peterson – yes, he’s still playing! – and he garnered only 36 yards. Yikes. When you think about the squad this side could have acquired over the years with so many top-five draft picks, you start to feel very sad. Maybe the bye week will do everyone some good.

29. Denver Broncos (1-3)
Last week: 30
Well, after a number of people, including yours truly, rubbished the Thursday night football match-up between the Bronx and the Jets, the game actually ended up being vaguely watchable (almost). Missing starting quarterback Drew Lock to injury, Denver turned over the keys to Brett Rypien this week. The first thing that occurred to me is the under-annunciation or the name Rypien, with commentators and media types calling him ‘Rippin’. Is this like how Americans pronounce ‘aluminium’ as ‘aluminum’? Anyway, the talented Mr Rypien did just enough to hold off a dreadful Jets side. First-round wide receiver Jerry Jeudy grabbed his first touchdown catch and free agent running back Melvin Gordon sealed the deal with a breakaway touchdown run. The injury news for Drew Lock is looking encouraging too.

30. Atlanta Falcons (0-4)
Last week: 22
The Falcons are going to use drones to sanitise areas of Mercedes-Benz Stadium, which is about the most innovation this franchise has shown itself to be this season. It’s become pretty obvious to anyone watching that Julio Jones is running on half a hamstring. So, Jeez Louise, give him a chance to get right, won’t ya? There’s also pretty much no-one left in the secondary and players are dropping like flies. Meanwhile, quarterback Matt Ryan moves around the field with all the athletic ability of a 1980s vacuum cleaner with a busted wheel. I’m guessing if they can’t beat Carolina at home next week, Dan Quinn will be gone.

31. New York Jets (0-4)
Last week: 31
I’ve been getting stuck into the Jets so far this year – and rightfully so – but let’s try a little bit of positive reinforcement this week. That 46-yard touchdown rush by quarterback Sam Darnold was a brilliant highlight play, and he showed good toughness returning from a shoulder injury suffered in the second quarter. Plus the whole team showed some real fight to come back in the fourth quarter. Overall, still healthily outplayed by a Broncos team that is not very good, so that’s where the positivity ends. Next week they host the Cards and frankly, that game could be anything.

32. New York Giants (0-4)
Last week: 32
Another loss – surprise, surprise – but the G-Men’s defence stood up pretty well to a powerful Rams offence. It can be argued that the Rams were a bit more conservative in this one – which is literally what Rams coach Sean McVay argued – but let’s give some credit where credit’s due. If not for Cooper Kupp breaking loose for a 55-yard touchdown, this could’ve been a close finish. However, that offence is showing that it really was all Saqoun Barkley. Plenty of attention turns to the game against the reeling Cowboys. What will happen there? All bets are off.