Opinion
I hadn’t got very far into my research before I realised what a task I had set for myself in nominating the top 100 nicknames used over the past 125 years of AFL/VFL football.
After editing out all the Bills, Bobs, Harrys, Berts, Dicks and so on, I was still left with nearly 300 names to choose from. The criteria I chose was a combination of the memories the names evoked, the cleverness of the names, the origin of the names and the stature of the player whose handle it became and – of course – my own bias. So here goes the top 100 countdown.
100. Chicken
This unfortunate name was given to Fitzroy’s Wilfred Smallhorn by his mother and stuck with him throughout his career of 150 games and 31 goals. The youngest in a family of four, his mother commented, “He is just like a little chicken, so take care of him.”
He proved his courage by winning the Brownlow Medal in 1933 and tried hard to have his nickname changed to ‘Chick’ but to no avail. He is in the top 50 game players of the old Fitzroy VFL team.
99. Pants
Many thought that the nickname related to the 1980s Collingwood superstar’s amorous adventures, but those who read the Darren Millane bio will know that it is related to a particular pair of pants that he wore to training at Victoria Park.
98. FIGJAM
The clever but unfair label given to another Collingwood superstar, Nathan Buckley. After one year at Brisbane, Buckley became a legend at Collingwood, playing 260 games for the club, winning a record six Best and Fairest awards and coaching the club for over 200 games.
(Photo by Hamish Blair/Getty Images)
97. BT
One of the two nicknames given to former Richmond and Collingwood full-forward Brian Taylor. The other one was ‘Barge’. Taylor is now a respected TV commentator.
96. Whiskas
I hope Geelong champion Garry Hocking was well paid by his sponsors for his decision to change his name by deed poll for one game in his 274-game career. He also had another nickname that appears higher up the top 100 list.
95. Mocha
Maurie Dunstan played 72 games for Collingwood in the ’40s and ’50s. His two sons Graham (Collingwood) and Ian (Western Bulldogs and North Melbourne) both played VFL in the 1970s.
94. Skinny
Despite his small stature and light frame, Jack Titus was a remarkably successful full-forward for the Tigers and is still the number one goal scorer at Richmond with 970 goals. He played a record 204 consecutive league games – a record that stood until broken in 1996 by Jim Stynes.
93. Socks
Ron Cooper still figures prominently in Carlton’s top 100 goal scorers after an 11-year career that started in 1932. He was known as ‘Socks’ as he always wore his socks around his ankles. HE was the runner-up for the Sandover Medal with Claremont as an 18-year-old where he played as a centreman/rover.
92. Hackenschmidt
This was the tag given to Norman Clark, a Carlton player, captain and coach involved in the Blues’ first five premierships. The nickname came from George Hackenschmidt, an early 20th-century Estonian strongman and the world’s first professional heavyweight wrestling champion. George Hackenschmidt was also an author and sports philosopher.
91. Joker
No doubt Alex Hall’s best football was with Essendon in the VFA where he played in their flag sides between 1891 and 1894.
Considered to be a real character, he certainly turned into a journeyman: a two-year-long absence, Essendon VFL for one year, Preston VFA for one year, Essendon VFL for two years, missing five years, St Kilda coach for one year, Albury coach for one year (first professional coach ever), South Africa, Melbourne coach for three years, Richmond coach for one year, Melbourne coach for three years and then a comeback to coach Hawthorn in their first year in the VFL in 1925.
In 1903, a second ‘Joker’ appeared: Jim Cameron, a 117-game player with South Melbourne from 1903 to 1911, also received the same nickname. He played in South Melbourne’s 1909 premiership side.
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