Yessiree, every time a player tries something a little lateral, the umps are all over me. They’ll blow their whistles with impunity, believing that even the most one-eyed fan isn’t going to raise an objection.
They’ll even shape smug expressions to make me feel preposterous – especially when I’m hatched by an ungainly tagger, who flew as though being catapulted, before plummeting capsized to the ground.
Yep, umpires have a real problem with conceptualising what I’m about. But if only they expanded their imaginations a little, you know? Or suspended their disbelief?
Hey, it works for moviegoers and Marvel studios, so why not the AFL?
I mean, every CGI film is chockers with superheroes pulling off unrealistic crap, so why not throw me a bone once in a while and embrace my stuff?
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Doing so just once or twice a game would sure add some box-office-friendly green-screen effects to the spectacle, don’t you think?
(Photo by Daniel Kalisz/Getty Images)
It could even take the AFL from the ‘G to the cinema? And dare I say, Cannes!
Anyway, as frustrated as I am with the umps and the rules committee, my biggest beef is with the fans.
I mean, why aren’t the one-eyed ones up from their seats whenever I’m paid?
They do it for soft frees and umpiring howlers, but never me?