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Will the Blues’ long win streak end in 2022 or in some future year?
An odd sentence to imagine a few years ago, but Leon MacDonald’s men are finding interesting ways to win with or without key players, luck and ideal conditions.
Fourteen on the trot and who would bet against seventeen?
The Roar’s own Brett McKay. My pod wrangler. The Phineas Fogg of the show.
He is also the world’s premier Blue-skeptic. When all else tip Blue, he goes Red. He has sharpened his mind by narrowing it, against Auckland.
Harry Jones and Brett McKay are joined by a special guest every week to analyse the biggest issues in rugby. Stream it here or in your podcast app of choice.
For years, ‘Laidlaw’ has resisted any Blue wave. I keep my foreign tastes simple: Reds and Blues, please. I’m Stendhal with a twist. A rugby weirdo who tips like a BrisVegas boss.
But my podmate has declared a dozen times he is done with the North Island big city boys.
But is that contrarion take a bit tinny this season?
If it is, Brett has form. He played the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz in a school play a couple of decades ago. Oddly enough, a few decades earlier, I was the Scarecrow in the same play on a different continent.
I bet he knew his lines. I never did except for one: “I feel an immediate increase in my intellectual capacity.” I was too distracted by Dorothy’s legs.
Brett’s rusty desire for a heart, having sharpened his brain by narrowing it against the Blues, is in stark contrast with my yearning for brains, and is the metanarrative of The Roar Rugby Podcast (otherwise known as the ancient footy feud between No 8 and No 9, fueled by my large and hairy arse obstructing his beady gaze at the next attack, and the obsession of eighthmen with picking and going with clean ball a halfback believes he owns and must have).
Our pod is animated by this yin yang. I want to ask Will Genia if he can beat Quade Cooper in a fight or Georgina Robinson what the hell an ennui is and if it can fly.
The Tin Man has connected an electric shock to my zoom chair and on the third bad query he zaps me. He is not tin; he’s steel.
This got me thinking. With one of my few neurons.
The eight quarter finalists of Super Rugby: which character do they most resemble in the Wizard of Oz?
The Wicked Witch of the West is obvious: captained by the Hallway Pounder, the Fifties Prefect bully, with ballast and magical powers galore, the dreaded Crusaders. Will Jordan seems to have cast a spell on the ball. Richie Mo’unga has x-ray vision. Sam Whitelock can grow a beard in a day. Razor Robertson does a broomstick dance when he wins a title.
(Photo by Kai Schwoerer/Getty Images)
Pablo Matera made a guy fly, just by picking him up with his ballsack. Then he disappeared from the Matera World.
The spooky Saders don’t play the same way the other Kiwi teams play: it’s proper Test rugby most of the time. Push, bash, press, enchant, and wait; then when in the red zone, ruthless efficiency. Like the sons of witches they are.
The Reds are our Wizard of Oz for 2022. It looked good. It felt good. We trembled. But one little article, a shift of the curtain, peering beyond the smoke machine, and it seems all a bit average, ordinary, and beatable.
As long as the Kiwis weren’t involved, the Reds had a strut. Harry Tight Pants Wilson and the mining analyst Tate McDermott formed a decent spine with JOC in the middle and Jock Strap Campbell at the back. But a little fragility loomed. Then bloomed.
Can the Reds reach the final four? Sure. Once a wizard, always a wizard. Momentum is only good up until it ends and is only lost until it is regained.
Brad Thorn may have trouble with the nuances of people who think differently from him, but in a knockout, his persona is an asset. Belief. It doesn’t have to be real. If you believe you own OZ, maybe you will.
The Highlanders are the Munchkins. They’re cute. Especially when they wore the roadwork hazard vests. Nobody dislikes the Dunediners. But they aren’t going anywhere in this one except to dance like they just don’t care. It’ll be plucky, brave, feisty, spirited, and fill in the other normal adjectives.
The Chiefs are the Lion. Beware a little lion when he grows big with courage. Big Angus is not aggressive enough; when he is, look out! Luke Jacobson is finally realising he is the best overall flanker in New Zealand. Brodie Retallick is courage personified. Bryn Gatland grew up with a big father; now he is finding his own path. Nobody will enjoy playing this talented, tough team which is just now waking up at the right bloody time. They start at home, too. The gravel will be chucked.
The Hurricanes are Toto. They run. They scamper. Their tongues hang out, but they cannot speak. Much of their metres are fools gold. They are small for a rugby team. Nice. Almost sweet. Except for their Mossad scrumhalf. But even he seems like he would be fun to have a beer with. The Canes could sneak into the final four by being overlooked. Jordie Barrett is having one of his seasons. Their backline is as elusive as terriers running from a tornado.
The Brumbies are the Tin Man. Reliable. Relatable. Hard to beat. Not fast. Their rucks are slow and need some oil. Their maul clanks and clangs over with regularity. Set your watch to one of their hookers belly flopping a meat pie at 20:00, 50:00 and 75:00 and usually that’s enough.
But they may need more magic and passion to overcome the Kiwis. That little ineffable, undefinable something. That moment of good madness. The late try by Pete Samu: why not more of that earlier on?
(Photo by Hannah Peters/Getty Images)
Laurie Fisher at halftime bemoaned his boys losing all the collisions after the first one. But in the playoffs, it’ll be Akira Ioane running in an arc at Noah instead of a Baby Blue.
The clumsy, charming weirdo Scarecrow is the underrated, red-headed Waratahs. They have shown heart, courage, and bravery throughout the Super Rugby journey. They also have the funniest looking players. Their props and playmakers look like they are extras from Braveheart; their best lock is from the set of the Walking Dead, one flank looks a losing gambler in a bar in the Wild West, their No 8 is a David Hasselhoff starter kit, their cool wing is named Marky Mark and the other one is a fuzzy peach. But here they are. At the party. With a tiny chance.
The Blues, of course, are Dorothy. They have come over the rainbow. This year is their adventure. We are all just props and supporting characters. One of the world’s most fertile rugby catchments has given us one of the most entertaining teams.
But they are tough now. Mentally. Even the Baby Blues win. Stephen Perofeta misses goals as often as Damon Murphy pings a side entry. Beauden Barrett is smiling again. A never ending supply of power wingers smash opponents, then help them up. The pack is also less Blue than in the past: they seem interested in the coalface.
But when they run, and link, and cut, it looks like they are the star of this film.
I only see two teams from this lot able to win three straight knockouts. Dorothy and the Witch. And that’s a tossup.
But that’s coming from a weird old strawman.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.