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Opinion
There’s been a lot of loose talk and debate about State of Origin grubs lately, with claim and counter claim about who is a bigger grub than someone else.
Now, we all know that Queensland is the home of the grub, and that State of Origin grub acts kicked off way back in 1980 when Queensland captain Arthur Beetson punched his mild-mannered Parramatta teammate, Mick Cronin, for absolutely no reason, so I thought it was time that I provided you with a definitive team of the grubbiest Queenslanders ever.
And let me tell you, it was harder to leave players out than include them in the list.
But first, some housekeeping. The educated among you will be aware that grubs fall within the Arthropoda phylum, and that Queensland grubs are part of the Scarabaeidaenatemyles family, but what is a grub really?
Put simply, a player who is a grub will stop at nothing to win, engage in any violent, low act they can in order to gain an advantage, love a cheap shot, and will disparage the opposition and their families relentlessly.
Get the picture?
While they are often also skilful, they are not to be confused with “tough” players. Despite their grub status, they are generally loved by their own fans and hated by everyone else, including their extended families.
So, here’s the team – the grubbiest Queensland Origin side ever!
1. Billy Slater
Often suspended, and for good reason. A player who liked to put everything into his tackles – shoulder, knees, boots, you name it.
2. Brent Tate
Liked to play the victim with that ridiculous neck brace but was at the forefront of the sneaky dirty stuff. Can’t remember him ever facing up man-on-man with any success though.
3. Tonie Carroll
He was easy for New South Welshmen to hate, being a Kiwi and all. He spent most of his career acting as Darren Lockyer’s nursemaid but still found enough time to get down and dirty enough to easily make this team.
4. Justin Hodges
Always up for a niggle and some trash talk but failed to back up the talk with any real action. Did some of his best work standing behind his teammates.
5. Will Chambers
Think Hodges with an even bigger mouth but without any footballing ability. Big on talk and loved a cheap shot if he thought he could get away in time.
6. Cameron Munster
He sometimes seems intent on wasting what could be a very good career for the sake of getting in a couple of knees on a defenceless opponent.
(Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)
7. Mark Murray
Like Tom Raudonikis, but without any real ability, but he was right up there – or should that be down there? – when the dirty work was to be done.
8. Nate Myles
King of the Queensland grubs, and will be hard to beat anytime in the future. Has been known to rip his own stitches out and bandages off through muscle memory.
9. Cameron Smith
Expert exponent of the chicken wing, choke hold, eye gouge and any other dirty tackle you can put a name to, while whinging to the referee the whole time. Does GOAT stand for Grubbiest Of All Time?
10. Carl Webb
A true master of the grubby craft. Built close to the ground and that’s where grubs do their best work.
11. Felise Kaufusi
What he lacks in skill he makes up for in dirty play, and he just loves to encounter a defenceless opponent.
12. Jai Arrow
Goes missing when the heat is on and saves his best work for concussed opposition players laying on the ground. Hero.
13. Josh McGuire
But for Nate Myles standing atop the grubby pedestal, McGuire would be there in his place, after a career littered with suspensions and every possible grub act in the book. One of his specialties is stamping on the ankles of tackled players laying on the ground.
So, there they are, grubs one and all, and my apologies to the other 70-to-80 Queenslanders who had genuine claims to make this team but somehow didn’t make the cut.
Now in the interest of fairness, I wanted to come up with a NSW team of grubs to play against the Maroons, but it was an absolute struggle finding enough NSW grubs to make the team. Here’s the best I can do.
1. Gary Jack
Very hard to find a NSW fullback who was a grub so we’ll just have to settle on Gary Jack, who knew how to play things hard when required.
2. John Hopoate
Loved a fight and to get his hands, or more specifically fingers, dirty. A player for the digital age.
3. Beau Scott
Scott was a fair player, in that he hated every opponent, and some teammates, equally. Should be wearing an ankle bracelet when not on the field.
4. Chris Mortimer
Mortimer was a player who disliked the opposition almost as much as Beau Scott, and employed fair means and foul to show it.
5. Terry Hill
A brutal performer who used every means available to intimidate his opponent, when all he really needed to do was stand close to him and talk. The only person in NSW still required to wear a mask 24/7.
6. Josh Reynolds
He answers to the nickname “Grub”, so there’s a clue. Should have been sponsored by “Trip-A-Deal”.
7. Tom Raudonikis
Who else were you expecting?
8. Andrew Fifita
Such a waste that a player who could have excelled in the game found it more rewarding to scrape around the bottom of the sportsmanship barrel.
9. Michael Ennis
His ability to stir up trouble on the field with his trash talking and bag of dirty tricks is only equalled by his inability to entertain as a Fox commentator.
10. Paul Gallen
King of the NSW grubs and lover of peptides, high shots, and stiff arms – in that order. Worst NSW captain ever. Not only hogged the Steeden, but loved getting his hands on the opposition’s balls when the opportunity arose.
11. Les Boyd
Before he headed to England, he had his own reserved parking spot at the NSW Judiciary. Followed his coach’s orders to “stop Darryl Brohman at all costs” a little too literally in Game 1 in 1983.
12. Davis Gillespie
Not a player you’d want to upset on the field. He was a great defender, and dealt in big hits, along with late and high tackles.
13. Greg Bird
No deeds were too low for Bird, and both opposition players and the female population alike breathed a sigh of relief when he headed overseas. How the hell did he get into France?
So, there we are. Did I leave any deserving grubs out?
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