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If there’s one thing that rugby league players love, it’s a tradition. From the cold showers after the game, the mad Monday celebrations, uploading salacious videos, crapping in the coach’s shoes, and the post-training night drinking sessions.
It’s all fun and games, even if somebody does get hurt. Frankly, it’s the real reason why players put themselves through the pain and life-threatening injuries to turn up to play every week.
But the most time-honoured rugby league tradition of them all is the nudie run, where players who have failed to score a try during the season are required to run a lap (or two) of the oval in the nude, to the vocal support of some fairly inebriated onlookers.
A tribal celebration of failure and mediocrity. Some players who are not even required to do the run will chose to do it anyway, just to support their mates and tick it off their bucket list. Other players seem to be flashing past the finish line year after year.
This year, to mark 25 years of the NRL era, Peter Vlandys has decreed that the nudie runners will be competing for the Alex Twal Cup. For those of you who have just arrived from another planet and have not heard of Alex Twal, he is a top-notch front rower from the Tigers who has upheld the front rowers’ tradition of not scoring a try in his 102 game career.
Great stuff, Alex.
So, forget about The Everest and that other race they run in Melbourne and get ready for this year’s big race.
Rules
• The race will be a handicap run over 120 meters (dead ball line to dead ball line)
• Each club will be represented by only one eligible runner
• To be eligible, the runner must have played at least 10 games for the club in 2022 and not scored a try
• Alex Twal is automatically ineligible
• I understand that there will be unlimited tackle and that ball security will be paramount
• Scratching is not recommended
• Fashions in the field will be limited to bow ties and fascinators
Off scratch
Josh Jackson (Bulldogs)
Twenty-three games and not a single try for this champion, and that comes on the back of not crossing the line in 2021 either. I understand that Jackson will be trying to replicate match conditions by carrying a couple of Canterbury forwards on his back during the race.
Patrick Carrigan (Broncos)
Carrigan is building quite a reputation in nudie run circles. Fourteen try-less games for the Broncos in 2022 to back up the 46 in the three previous years. Now, with 60 try-less games in his career, he’s way out in front on an all-time basis for the Broncos.
Lindsay Collins (Roosters)
Sixteen games and no tries for this big bopper who would rather run into someone, something, anything than put the ball over the line.
(Photo by Brett Hemmings/Getty Images)
Jordan McLean (Cowboys)
Twenty-two games. McLean is one of the most experienced runners in the field, having made the run four times previously in his 179-game, eight-try career but at 31 years of age and carrying top weight at 120 kilos, he may not actually finish.
Off seven metres
Dale Finucane (Sharks)
Big Dale obviously thought that the move north would be great for his career, but 2022 sees him in his first nudie run since 2012, after failing to get on the scoreboard for the Sharks even once in his 17 games.
Matt Eisenhuth (Panthers)
It takes a lot of concentration and commitment to avoid scoring a try at the Panthers, but Eisenhuth somehow managed to avoid the try line in his 16 games in 2022.
Aaron Woods (Dragons)
Nineteen games and no tries for Woods, for only the second time in his 12-year career. Woods will be running backwards during the race in order to replicate match conditions, and will be permitted to wear a headband (on his head).
Isaac Liu (Titans)
Liu’s “head down, bum up” running style picks up plenty of metres but unfortunately not a single try this year in his 23 games. Should make interesting viewing.
Off 15 metres
Kelma Tuilagi (Tigers)
The Samoan wrecking ball looked the goods in 2021, running in two tries in just five games, but couldn’t manage a four-pointer this year in 22 games for the Tigers. Better luck with Manly next year, Kelma, you’re going to need it.
Aaron Pene (Warriors)
Pene was unlucky here as the 70-odd tries the Warriors managed to score were pretty evenly spread however Pene went try-less in his 14 games. Perhaps a return to Melbourne next year will see the big fella notch his maiden four-pointer. Note that I haven’t made any childish jokes about his surname.
Makahesi Makatoa (Eels)
Makatoa was the only player to start a game for the Eels this year to not score a try – interesting? Maybe not.
Makahesi Makatoa is tackled. (Photo by Albert Perez/Getty Images)
Off 20 metres
Tyran Wishart (Storm)
Fifteen games, primarily off the bench, and no tries for Wishart. That will teach him to leave the Dragons, where he could have played a whole season of reserve grade. He’ll need to get cracking if he wants to emulate the 78 career tries scored by his father.
Zac Woolford (Raiders)
Another son of a gun, Woolford failed to score in his 17-game debut season but is far more handsome than his father.
Dylan Walker (Sea Eagles)
Twenty-three games and not a single try from everyone’s favourite Manly player, and that was the first time in his 10-year career that he didn’t cross the stripe.
Off 25 metres
Kodi Nikorima (Rabbitohs)
Nikorima is a controversial selection for Souths as although he didn’t score a try for them, he did score one for the Warriors early in the 2022 season. Rules are rules, though, and if Kodi can avoid the urge to continually run sideways, he could win this despite the handicap.
Anthony Milford (Knights)
Thirteen games without a try for Milford, and given he usually scores a try every three games, he’d probably be drug tested if he was a horse.
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