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Joined June 2013
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Dan Liebke is a comedy writer and former Nathan Hauritz impersonator, who has written multiple books on cricket (the details of which are all available at his website, liebcricket.com). He is a genuine all-rounder, equally inept with both bat and ball, and he steadfastly believes that cricket is the funniest, and hence best, sport that humanity has ever invented.
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To whom it may concern, I am pleased to confirm that my England team and I have agreed to tour your fine country of AUSTRALIA, subject to the following critical conditions: 1. No Steve Smith In the 2019 Ashes, Steve Smith scored 774 runs at an average of 110.57. In the 2017-18 Ashes, he scored […]
During the closing overs of that fighting draw in Sydney, Tim Paine told Ravi Ashwin he couldn’t wait for him to get to the Gabba.
With the series locked at one apiece, both India and Australia bravely snuck across state borders, skilfully evading the forces of assorted state premiers in order to play at the SCG.
Australia and India resumed their series at the MCG, in the hundredth time that the two nations had faced one another in Test match cricket.
The first Test between Australia and India, played under lights at Adelaide Oval, is done, with Australia winning by two wickets.
Rodney Dangerfield was a successful stand-up comic and a regular on the US talk show circuit during the 1960s and 1970s.
Despite still being trapped inside their COVID-19 bubble, Australia and India moved the final match of the ODI series from Sydney all the way down to Canberra, presumably running the entire way there, like hamsters in a wheel. Adorable!
Trailing 0-1 in the series going into the second match, India were confident that their raw batting power could chase down virtually any total that Australia could muster, just as long as it wasn’t, y’know, ridiculously large.
With the women having already played internationals and virtually an entire Big Bash season already, the men finally decided it was time that they should lumber onto a cricket field and get their international summer rolling too.
Hey, remember the Chappell-Hadlee trophy? Yeah, that’s on again. Yeah, in March for some reason. Crazy, right?
After a thrilling fortnight of aborted mankads, ill-timed rain and the Thailand team being consistently joyous, the T20 World Cup final came down to the two teams that started it, playing at the MCG in front of a massive crowd in a historic day for cricket.
With the India v Australia series locked at one match apiece, the sides headed to Bengaluru for a match variously described as ‘the epic decider’ and ‘hmm? Is that on tonight?’
Australia won the first ODI between India and Australia by ten wickets. In stark contrast, they won this second match by zero wickets. Or, as traditionalists would have it, ‘lost this match’.
As always, the end of the Tests means a series of one day internationals for the Australian cricket team. India were the opponents this time around, taking the long flight to Mumbai, which is presumably a town in Far North Queensland, to take on the Aussies.
A Test series that started with so much hope for New Zealand has ended with three thrashings, multiple broken bones, several illnesses and a complete overshadowing by Shane Warne’s baggy green auction.
Did you see the first Test between Australia and New Zealand? Good. Then you also saw the second Test, which was identical in every meaningful aspect.
International cricket’s most beloved team New Zealand arrived on Australian shores to once again show up the home side with their effortless displays of sportsmanship, affability and completing one’s overs more or less within the scheduled time.
For the second time in as many Tests, Australia defeated Pakistan by an innings and, as a result, reclaimed the Lillee-Miandad Trophy by two innings and 53 runs.
Another Test summer, another futile trip to the Gabba for a visiting team. This time around it’s Pakistan who were marched to their inevitable doom at the Gabbatoir.
There have been two Ashes whitewashes in recent years.
That’s a fun idea, Tim. I think you should write it.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India, first ODI
Further evidence for my theory that he’s now just a grumpy old retiree. “Marnus? What kind of name is that? Now, Marcus. That’s a proper name. Or Mark, which is even batter. I had a captain named Mark once.” “Brother, too, Steve.” “Hmmm? Oh, yes. I suppose so.”
The Liebke Ratings: India vs Australia, first ODI
Also unsportsmanlike. But also funny. So it’s all good.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs New Zealand, third Test
I was ridiculously pleased with myself when the possibility of working ‘one-up-Bradmanship’ into the piece came up.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Pakistan second Test
Nah. I didn’t say 144 was a base 12 number. But when you score as many runs as Steve Smith did in the first innings, that’s when you reach three figures in base 12. I think it’s pretty reasonable to therefore call 144 runs a century in base 12.
The Liebke Ratings: First Ashes Test
To be fair, they were some remarkable sixes
The Liebke Ratings: Second semi-final, Australia vs England
I will be starting a GoFundMe to help finance my ongoing battle to provide alternatives to articles about Israel Folau. Please donate generously. I estimate I need approximately $3M.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Bangladesh
Surely when a sport is played at so many grounds with ‘cricket’ in the title it just makes sense to use that as its name. Saves a lot of explanation.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Sri Lanka
Thanks Pete. Truth be told, I may have dozed off a little in the middle overs of Pakistan’s run chase. But I got the gist and woke up again in time to see the ending. And that’s all that matters.
The Liebke Ratings: Pakistan vs Australia
It’s very dumb, very obscure and not actually all that funny. I fully accept that I may be the only person even faintly tickled by the idea that ’63’ upside down looks enough like ‘Eg’ that I can do a bit of wordplay on that. I don’t care. It made me happy.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India
The font used on this page more or less gets the job done. If looked at in the right way.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India
Bonus points to anybody who deduces what my favourite joke in this entire piece is. Hint: it’s not very funny and is overly reliant on both font typefaces and spatial rotation. But I don’t care. It’s my favourite.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India
Paine should definitely be demoted to vice-captain immediately. What, he thinks he’s better than everybody else?
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Sri Lanka, first Test
Curse Sri Lanka and their determination to collapse over a long weekend
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Sri Lanka, first Test
Thanks for buying the book. You’re the true hero here.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India, second ODI
My parents have had a shocker. But they’re lovely people and I expect them to come good any time now. Deserve more opportunities at the highest level of my family.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India, fourth Test
Glad to be back. Our long dark winter of assorted football code tomfoolery is over and a fresh cricket summer is about to dawn. The most magical time of the year.
The Liebke Ratings: Pakistan vs Australia, first Test
I like to make people suffer through a whole lot of nonsense before I get to the one good line.
The Liebke Ratings: Pakistan vs Australia, first Test
I think the ‘Home of Rugby Keague’ reference is a typo. But it may be a very subtle joke that I just don’t get.
The Liebke Ratings: State of Origin One
Thanks Peter. Good luck reattaching that a@#*
The Liebke Ratings: South Africa vs Australia, fourth Test
Yes. And so is S**** W****.
'Tim Paine does ALL DRS calls' and Joe Root's other 'critical conditions' required for England to tour