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Former Nathan Hauritz impersonator.
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England went to Lord’s 1-0 down in the Ashes, with lots of speculation about them suffering from a ‘World Cup hangover’.
Australia headed to Edgbaston, which locals insisted was definitely in the top 15 most intimidating grounds in the world.
After Australia had cunningly lost to South Africa in the final group match to avoid the rampant New Zealand cricketing machine in the first semi-final, they instead headed to Edgbaston to take on England in the second.
Australia’s final match of the group stage was against South Africa who, to their credit, had stuck around in England for eight long days to play the match, despite having no chance of making the semi-finals. Tremendous never-say-‘bye attitude from the Proteas.
Australia and New Zealand faced off in their respective penultimate group games at Lord’s. New Zealand knew that victory would guarantee them a semi-final spot. Australia already had a semi-final spot, but they knew that victory would irritate the Black Caps. So, everything to play for.
To Lord’s, where cricket’s fiercest rivalry that doesn’t involve India and Pakistan resumed. Victory for Australia would ensure them a semi-final spot, while defeat to England would open the door for a comical crashing out of the tournament. A tough game for neutrals, to be sure.
Australia headed to their spiritual home of Trent Bridge, the ground where they were once bowled out for 60 in a must-win Ashes Test match and where they also conceded 6/481 in a would-really-have-been-rather-quite-nice-to-win bilateral series ODI.
Australia moved on to The Oval, the ground from which the geometric shape gets its name. Their foe? Sri Lanka, whose cunning strategy of playing primarily in washed out games saw them perched just a point outside of the top four.
Off to Taunton for the Australians, where they faced Pakistan, a team more often described as ‘mercurial’ than even Rami Malek’s performance in the Bohemian Rhapsody movie. Here are the ratings for the World Cup match between Australia and Pakistan. Rain Grade: D The main miracle of the match was that it was taking place […]
One of the rarest sights in world cricket was on display in the most recent game of the World Cup as Australia took on India (and, indeed, vice versa) in a one day international. Did you ever think you’d see such a thing?
Australia went to their favourite ground in England, Trent Bridge, home of the 60 not out for their second game of the World Cup.
The warm-up matches have been played, allowing those of us who purport to write humorous summaries of matches to trial our second-string running gags away from the harsh spotlight of the official tournament.
With Australia 1-0 up in the series, Australia and Sri Lanka headed to Manuka Oval for the first ever Test match in Canberra.
Off to the Gabba, where Australia and Sri Lanka would begin their fight for the Warne-Muralitharan Trophy.
With Australia having won the first match in this series at, oh, let’s say Sydney, the two sides headed to Adelaide to play a game of Sweltering Heatball, which India won by six wickets, four balls and 45 degrees Celsius.
With the Border-Gavaskar Test series completed – who won? who remembers? – Australia and India turned their attention to a three-match ODI series.
Australia headed to Sydney, the prospect of regaining the Border-Gavaskar trophy gone – barring some thrilling, intricately planned heist.
With the series locked at one match apiece, Australia and India headed to Melbourne for the traditional Boxing Day Test. Sadly, yet again, there was no actual boxing during the game. Disappointing news for fans of renowned pugilists ‘Marvelous’ Marcus Harris and Cheteshwar ‘The Hitman’ Pujara.
After India’s victory in the first Test, both sides headed to Perth, a city so isolated from the rest of the country that they consider it normal behaviour to enthusiastically cheer Shaun Marsh to the crease.
India are here for a four-Test series! Great news, because following some in-depth investigation, I can exclusively reveal India is a cricket-obsessed nation. Or perhaps cricket is an India-obsessed sport.
To be fair, they were some remarkable sixes
The Liebke Ratings: Second semi-final, Australia vs England
I will be starting a GoFundMe to help finance my ongoing battle to provide alternatives to articles about Israel Folau. Please donate generously. I estimate I need approximately $3M.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Bangladesh
Surely when a sport is played at so many grounds with ‘cricket’ in the title it just makes sense to use that as its name. Saves a lot of explanation.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Sri Lanka
Thanks Pete. Truth be told, I may have dozed off a little in the middle overs of Pakistan’s run chase. But I got the gist and woke up again in time to see the ending. And that’s all that matters.
The Liebke Ratings: Pakistan vs Australia
It’s very dumb, very obscure and not actually all that funny. I fully accept that I may be the only person even faintly tickled by the idea that ’63’ upside down looks enough like ‘Eg’ that I can do a bit of wordplay on that. I don’t care. It made me happy.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India
The font used on this page more or less gets the job done. If looked at in the right way.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India
Bonus points to anybody who deduces what my favourite joke in this entire piece is. Hint: it’s not very funny and is overly reliant on both font typefaces and spatial rotation. But I don’t care. It’s my favourite.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India
Paine should definitely be demoted to vice-captain immediately. What, he thinks he’s better than everybody else?
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Sri Lanka, first Test
Curse Sri Lanka and their determination to collapse over a long weekend
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs Sri Lanka, first Test
Thanks for buying the book. You’re the true hero here.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India, second ODI
My parents have had a shocker. But they’re lovely people and I expect them to come good any time now. Deserve more opportunities at the highest level of my family.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs India, fourth Test
Glad to be back. Our long dark winter of assorted football code tomfoolery is over and a fresh cricket summer is about to dawn. The most magical time of the year.
The Liebke Ratings: Pakistan vs Australia, first Test
I like to make people suffer through a whole lot of nonsense before I get to the one good line.
The Liebke Ratings: Pakistan vs Australia, first Test
I think the ‘Home of Rugby Keague’ reference is a typo. But it may be a very subtle joke that I just don’t get.
The Liebke Ratings: State of Origin One
Thanks Peter. Good luck reattaching that a@#*
The Liebke Ratings: South Africa vs Australia, fourth Test
Indeed. I still recall de Villiers bowling South Africa to victory in Sydney in 1993/4, somehow defending a target of 117 in the fourth innings. Amazing longevity.
The Liebke Ratings: South Africa vs Australia, second Test
This is great. Furthermore, the third umpire should specifically search as hard as possible for a reason to give the batsman out.
The Liebke Ratings: South Africa vs Australia, first Test
Excellent advice, Don. Thanks.
The Liebke Ratings: South Africa vs Australia, first Test
I’ll try to do better/worse next time.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs England second ODI
The Wood on fire joke was irresistible, I’m afraid.
The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs England, first ODI
Nah. I didn’t say 144 was a base 12 number. But when you score as many runs as Steve Smith did in the first innings, that’s when you reach three figures in base 12. I think it’s pretty reasonable to therefore call 144 runs a century in base 12.
The Liebke Ratings: First Ashes Test