Some funny cricket quotes:

“A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can’t be more than 30” – Michael Abrahamson

“Strangely, in slow motion, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer” – David Acfield

“The Port Elizabeth ground is more of a circle than an oval. It is long and square” – Trevor Bailey

“There are good one-day players, there are good Test players and vice versa” – Trevor Bailey

“On the first day Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off” – Trevor Bailey

“I don’t think he expected it, and that’s what caught him unawares” – Trevor Bailey

“We owe some gratitude to Gatting and Lamb, who breathed some life into a corpse which had nearly expired” – Trevor Bailey

“No captain with all the hindsight in the world can predict how the wicket is going to play” – Trevor Bailey

“This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through” – Trevor Bailey

“Lloyd did what he achieved with that shot” – Trevor Bailey

“Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle” – Richie Benaud

“He’s usually a good puller – but he couldn’t get it up that time” – Richie Benaud

“His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going” – Richie Benaud

“I think the batsman’s strategy will be to make runs and not get out” – Richie Benaud

“This shirt is unique: there are only 200 of them” – Richie Benaud

“That slow-motion replay doesn’t show how fast the ball was travelling” – Richie Benaud

“In the rear, the small diminutive figure of Shoaib Mohammed, who can’t be much taller than he is” – Henry Blofeld

“It’s a catch he would have caught 99 times times out of 1,000” – Henry Blofeld

“Flintoff starts in, his shadow beside him. Where else would it be?” – Henry Blofeld

“After their 60 overs, West Indies have scored 244 for 7, all out” – Frank Bough

“Three bad days does not mean you’re a bad team overnight” – Paul Collingwood

“The Queen’s Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests—absolutely round” – Tony Cozier

“Now Botham, with a chance to put everything that’s gone before behind him” – Tony Cozier

“The ball came back, literally cutting Graham Thorpe in half” – Colin Croft

“Who could forget Malcolm Devon?” – Ted Dexter, completely forgetting Devon Malcolm

“In the past five weeks I’ve trained hard, trying to get my ankle back to where I want it to be” – Andrew Flintoff

“This is Cunis at the Vauxhall End. Cunis—a funny sort of name. Neither one thing nor the other” – Alan Gibson

“Clearly the West Indies are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do” – Tony Greig

“It’s obviously a great occasion for all the players. It’s a moment they will always forget” – Ray Hudson

“An interesting morning, full of interest” – Jim Laker

“It’s a unique occasion really – a repeat of Melbourne 1977” – Jim Laker

“For any budding cricketers listening, do you have any superstitious routines before an innings, like putting one pad on first and then the other one?” – Tony Lewis

“England have nothing to lose here, apart from this Test match” – David Lloyd

“And we don’t need a calculator to tell us that the required run-rate is 4.5454 per over” – Christopher Martin-Jenkins

“It’s a perfect day here in Australia, glorious blue sunshine” – Christopher Martin-Jenkins

“If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you’re left two short” – Bob Massie

“This game will be over anytime from now” – Alan McGilvray

“I’ve seen batting all over the world. And in other countries too” – Keith Miller

“[Geoffrey] Boycott, somewhat a creature of habit, likes exactly the sort of food he himself prefers” – Don Mosey

“Well, everyone is enjoying this except Vic Marks, and I think he’s enjoying himself” – Don Mosey

“Michael Vaughan has a long history in the game ahead of him” – Mark Nicholas

“Sorry, skipper, a leopard can’t change it’s stripes” – Lennie Pascoe

“It’s a catch 21 situation” – Kevin Pietersen

“And there’s the George Headley stand, named after George Headley” – Trevor Quirk

“We have had exceptionally wet weather in Derby – everywhere in the county is in the same boat” – Tom Sears

“This ground is surprising. It holds about 60,000 but when there are around 30,000 in, you get the feeling that it is half empty” – Ravi Shastri

“We’ve won one on the trot” – Alec Stewart

“With regard to the broken finger, when batting I’ll just have to play it by ear” – Marcus Trescothick

“Unless something happens that we can’t predict, I don’t think a lot will happen” – Fred Trueman

“People only call me ‘Fiery’ because it rhymes with Fred, just like ‘Typhoon’ rhymes with Tyson” – Fred Trueman

“The game’s a little bit wide open again” – Fred Trueman

“That’s what cricket’s all about: two batsmen pitting their wits against one another” – Fred Trueman

“That was a tremendous six: the ball was still in the air as it went over the boundary” – Fred Trueman

“We didn’t have metaphors in our day. We didn’t beat around the bush” – Fred Trueman*

“Anyone foolish enough to predict the outcome of this match is a fool” – Fred Trueman

Agree Ronan and Christo – replacing a non-international first class standard player in Arthur with another sub-international standard player in Lehmann was an unwise move from CA in my opinion. A lot of these guys who never quite made it as players seem to bring an exceptional amount of personal baggage to these utterly non-essential coaching jobs. Seriously, I don’t think they know what a coach should do, what he’s capable of bringing to a team and CA should realise a coach should only be there to take pressure off the captain in press conferences. The coach should be the best public speaker, have a mature wit and intelligent insight into the game and deflect negative criticism away from the players. But Lehmann and CA seem to think the job is like an under 12’s coach – leading fielding drills and net sessions and picking the side. I really don’t see the value of these old former first class standard cricketers leading training sessions. I think the players are more than capable of doing their own training. Therefore, the coach should be carefully chosen for his ability to communicate well with media and management. Lehmann ticks no box in terms of communication skills or ambassadorial presence. We need a face of leadership who can entertain and educate both the media and the public – an articulate figure whose nickname is not Boof and who doesn’t have a past record of upsetting foreign teams – we go on and on about about punishing young sports stars like James O’Connor but JOC didn’t racially abuse the opposition during a match. Why do we forget so quickly? Lehmann would have lost his job in any other workplace for that racist outburst against Sri Lanka at Perth – how has he done his time only to be rewarded with greater power ten years later? What other organisation would appoint a bloke with that incident on his record? It boggles belief and Lehmann is still blabbering so it seems like a ticking time bomb waiting to embarrass us all once again. Let’s just hope he loses it against the Poms and does not offend or insult our Asian opponents in the future like he did once before.

‘Surely’ ‘Sean’ knows the peptides are just ‘Sugar’???? Pretty sure it’s a Gallic name in origin. Move on lads

” … he had previously made no secret that he would spend some time back in the Republic scouting for potential Brumbies recruits.”
I hope whoever takes over looks at the home grown talent first and this is a worrying confirmation for me that Super Rugby is poles apart from the interests of Australia overall. Bring about closed conferences now and let our best players play against eachother urgently I say – 5 Australian super sides packed with foreign skill will eventually all end up being better than the Wallabies so what’s the point? A little off centre I know. I don’t blame Jake White, I just hate professional rugby more every day!

Glad to read this article, cheers Ronan – It was no fluke that 98 Chris – it was bloody awesome and full of shots no one else played on that tour – made me realise how batting talent is so hard to spot and nurture properly these days. How the hell did this kid get picked as a bowler? The fact he was picked at number eleven is about our NSP and their desperation to search for a spinner. Agar could indeed be the next great Aussie Test batsman, it’s just that in a different era of 3 format , he developed both skills, the lesser of which he was originally selected for. That knock of 98, and the Shield form described in this article point to a talent that is currently a class ahead of most batsmen around in so many areas. His second innings 14 wasn’t too bad with another couple of beautiful fours and he then got dudded in the second Test where DRS failed the game again. I’d have no problem with this kid anywhere from 3-7, I’m backing his batting. IMO we need to move on from labels like ‘all-rounder’ in the modern era. I reckon it’s now misleading and applies more to eras before 3 form cricket.

Ignore this comment guys, I posted it twice somehow! Part of a reply now its hanging on its own without meaning – woops.
Overall, I’d like to thank all the Roarers for their input. I love the posts even the ones I don’t agree with. At the end of the day, we’re all frustrated by this situation and wish we could get on with winning games. It’d be worse if there was no passionate reaction to this issue. Aussie Rugby fans are clearly deserving of better at this stage! Chins up Wallaby army, we’ll come back stronger and better soon I hope, JOC or not. Hopefully he comes back stronger and better also.

You’ve made some good points here Kuruki. It’s a dilemma in the modern age of high media exposure. Ambassadorial duties to the game are certainly more ambiguous in an era of insatiable media, but I understand where you are coming from with your point. If players come out to support this decision it is a clear case of evidence of team disharmony. I’m just curious where his team-mates are coming from – is he such an arrogant little so and so? If he stuffs around at training and shows no respect to coaches or fellow players then by all means I’m with those calling for his head. I just get concerned that he is not being made a scapegoat for recent failure or being set up to look worse than he is in order to sell papers and deflect attention from deeper issues. I’m a little disappointed by other players outing him publicly, especially captain Horwill. JOC and others may be equally frustrated with the contributions of the three named forwards of recent times! But I agree with you that the Wallabies need to develop a winning culture and establish a new precedent for what it means to play in the jersey similar to the All Blacks. Well said Kuruki and a good parallel to draw.

If you’re going to pull a quote then keep it in context! The rest of that sentence was: ‘… if fans are more concerned about image, contractual obligations and sponsor pain than they are about our players.’
No, Kuruki I did not say JOC was more important than the jersey! My point is that playing well in the Australian jersey is more important than who advertises on that jersey. Commitment should be to on field form and fans not company image or money. Are you saying he was in that jersey at the airport? You suggest his team-mates sorted him out at the Rebels? Really? Not an image problem for sponsors and corporate that had more to do with it? So you believe that no players in Australian Rugby want him in their team? I think you’ll find its a suit and tie problem not a Rugby ability problem, hence my irritation at this nonsensical culture of spin and stories dressed up as delicious little scandals. By all means, have it your way. Punish the kid, send him to League and replace him with someone non threatening to your sense of ‘image’ but who can’t play half as well.

If you’re going to pull a quote then keep it in context! The rest of that sentence was: ‘… if fans are more concerned about image, contractual obligations and sponsor pain than they are about our players.’
No, Kuruki I did not say JOC was more important than the jersey! My point is that playing well in the Australian jersey is more important than who advertises on that jersey. Commitment should be to on field form and fans not company image or money. Are you saying he was in that jersey at the airport? You suggest his team-mates sorted him out at the Rebels? Really? Not an image problem for sponsors and corporate that had more to do with it? So you believe that no players in Australian Rugby want him in their team? I think you’ll find its a suit and tie problem not a Rugby ability problem, hence my irritation at this nonsensical culture of spin and stories dressed up as delicious little scandals. By all means, have it your way. Punish the kid, send him to League and replace him with someone non threatening to your sense of ‘image’ but who can’t play half as well.

So many corporate minded, sponsorship loyal, contract oriented fans here! Half the fans here seem more upset about hurting some stupid notion of brand image than anything remotely to do with rugby! For everyone on here who has made the call: ‘This is a sackable offence in any company’ I suggest you all head out into the city tonight and drop into some clubs. Do a quick survey and find out if anyone refused entry to a club has a boss that finds out about it. Perhaps if we knew where every single punter actually worked, we could get them sacked by reporting to them to their employers and saying we feel the image of that company has been soiled. Can he play footy? Yep. Do we need him? Hell yes. Move on this is sport it’s not a reality show about pleasing employers and sponsors. He plays for Australia and for us!!! Not the bloody ARU or some corporation. God help Australian Rugby if fans are more concerned about image, contractual obligations and sponsor pain than they are about our players. Rumors and innuendo of his affect on team harmony are not conclusive evidence that he is the reason we are not winning. Let his team-mates sort him out, this trial by media nonsense is a joke.

Sheek, you need to write more! Your comments are always a cut above the majority of articles on this site. It’s frustrating to realise there are so many like minded cricket lovers who share this opinion but for some reason others see the demise of Test standards as a natural evolution or worse, a desirable outcome! Many economic cricket rationalists will tell you the Shield costs $32 million to run at an annual loss and therefore CA needs to cover for it with hit and giggle concepts. They are probably right, but I argue that $32 million is the type of growth / job creation / investment that is cancerous. I don’t know the answers. I know the Shield didn’t cost $32 million in the 1920’s or 1960’s but heck, hooray for the glorious relationship between money and cricket ay? Maybe Chappelli was right in fighting for first-class contracts, but maybe only right for a short period. I think the bloke from the past who traveled off his own back for miles to get to the ground, then got paid nothing to play for pride and passion, was undoubtedly a better person and therefore a better cricketer than today’s professionals. What i do know for a fact is that today’s first class scene is weighed down by hangers on and pointless jobs are created for the sake of pointless job creation. We have coaches for goodness sake; dieticians and strength conditioners; sports psychologists; batting coaches; bowling coaches and to top it off we have a CA ‘High Performance Manager’ overseeing it all. You talk about a cluster#&%@ of grand proportions and there it is. There is money to be saved, but good luck getting those who review budgets and marketing outcomes to ever admit that they themselves are the wasted resource! No, they will kill off the product to preserve their parasitic positions that cricket never needed in the first place.

But what would that full T20 potential look like? T20 is not designed as a primary sport it is a spectacle and an appendage, it needs to be rooted to and attached to something real or it will shrivel up and die. It has no core tradition, no history and if cut adrift from Test players, I believe it would fizzle out like a bad reality TV show. Popular for a few seasons like big brother then fans get bored because after 5 years all memories are a big blur. Everyone is a star for being a sub standard all-rounder. In ten years the fans will crave the real thing. It’s quite ironic but in an era saturated by money, the traditional model will become very fashionable again if it returns to its ethos of playing for country over cash.

Big generalisations here – so what if he wanted to go to Bali with his girlfriend – you have no idea that was to party all night and make a nuisance of himself, it was probably the opposite – so what if he had a few after a Test win, it’s pretty easy to be labelled a drunk by those in authority these days – often for an airline it is more about their own image than actual safety. Ummm … so JOC should have his contract torn up because he was too drunk to board a plane but Boony remains a legend for being drunk on a plane??? A little perspective is required here: these young guys are a different generation with a bored mass public paparazzi eager for news in a 24 hr. cycle world of spin. They go get a burger and everyone freaks out – they scuffle with team-mates – so what? It’s footy, they’re blokes and it’s a team – stay out of it media because there really is no story anywhere other than that we lose too often. JOC’s attitude is not why we lose Tests matches!
He’d be monstered in League??? How is he too small for League but big enough for Union? What a strange assessment of cross-code potential. Personally, I believe all 3 amigos would be stand-out NRL talents. I’d hate to lose JOC to League but to say he would be monstered is a bit premature.

Suburban grounds make OD cricket like T20 – it is a shameless way for CA to get more sixes out of OD domestic cricket and blur the lines, trying to make it more like T20 and confuse the formats further – How exactly is this in any way good for our top priority of winning our first Test match in nearly a year? If this Ryobi Cup were to be played on first class grounds with the full compliment of Australian players, it may have served as a mini-Shield entree but this is not the case and will serve our Test chances in no way at all. It really has become a joke – our Shield should aid our Test selections and Ryobi Cup should aid our ODI selections – the problem is that both are beholden to a third format which serves nothing besides corporate coffers. CA’s idea of what is good for the game and CA’s understanding of the term ‘growth’ is not the fruitful kind of growth – it is the tumorous type of growth which sucks all original life from the host.

I agree Greg but the pathway between Shute Shield and NSW Waratahs is simply too narrow – many refer to them already as the north shore ‘tahs. They need to be seen to represent the entire state but be seen in the first place. When the average punter can tune into League on free to air but needs to pay Fox to learn the rules of Union, there is a cultural divide. Rugby in NSW is so primeval in structure it’s simply amazing compared to NRL/A-League and AFL which all have the stronger looking futures. The problem is also the Super 15. The ‘Tahs beating the Cheetahs or anyone but QLD or ACT is culturally insignificant to the majority of NSW. Though I do believe a closed AUS-NZ third tier conference could work with all the current NZ super teams plus one or two additions playing ACT / Western Sydney / Sydney / Central Coast / Brisbane / Gold Coast / Sunshine Coast / Top End/NQ

Sheek, brilliant assessments of the current state of Australian cricket. As heartbreaking as it is to admit, I believe you are 100% accurate

Bravo Samual, I’ve been wanting a split too – I see the shorter forms as separate sports (mainly T20) requiring separate skill sets and values similar to 15s Rugby and 7 a side – Lovers of test cricket are also a totally separate target market/audience to the quick fix demographic which makes up T20 fans. If a breakaway competition could somehow find a new technological medium and free Test cricket from the clutches of TV money we may have a chance!

Yes Gary you sound like a frustrated Aussie like myself. Out of six states in Oz, only two play League and Union (NSW/QLD) – Perth and Melbourne are nothing but AFL dominated cities. Perth’s union culture is bolstered by ex-pat South Africans and Melbourne’s by ex pat NZers, so we have to split the available talent from only two states between two sports. Australia’s NRL and AFL cultures are similar to All Black and RSA rugby passion but our wallabies have always been groomed from private schools on the east coast of Australia. They might be smart but they’re definitely not our toughest lads! Most people in the streets of Sydney or Brisbane would be able to name ten NRL players off the top of their heads but if you asked them to name some current wallabies they’d probably come up with Campo or Gregan! It’s just an Australian tragedy that Union was not the working mans game originally. The tough state schools all play League. I wonder how many NRL players have ever even played Union. I bet many don’t know the rules. Just the other day I asked my mate who’s a big NRL fan if he liked Union. He said he couldn’t get into it because he’d never played and didn’t understand the rules. Our depth problems are cultural so IMO a third tier comp that taps into tribal roots is mandatory and FTA television coverage is simply a must. If Union wants to exist in Australia in the future it must break out of its elitist image such as GPS development control and expose its product to all Ozzies, not just those who can afford a foxtel subscription. Western Sydney Goannas versus Sydney Buccaneers followed by the Top End Salties versus Gold Coast Dolphins on FTA tv may be the key to cereating a cultural and tribal base of supporters. In Sydney though, it seems Rugby is slipping well behind. Soccer and AFL have newly formed franchises in the West of Sydney (League heartland) while The NSW Waratahs remain a minority team in their own state, supposedly representing all but seen as representing very few by the masses.