FC Barcelona have been handed an ultimatum by European football’s governing body, UEFA. Either they agree to field only 10 players in next season’s European Champions League or face disqualification from the competition.
According to information provided by an un-named UEFA source, the shock ultimatum was delivered to FC Barcelona President Sandro Rosell by UEFA President Michel Platini, only hours after Barcelona’s emphatic victory over Manchester United in the UEFA Champions League final.
The ultimatum was the result of a hastily convened meeting deep in the bowels of Wembley Stadium on Saturday night.
Those present at the meeting included Michel Platini, United manager Sir Alex Ferguson and, via Skype, Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho, along with senior UEFA officials.
Both managers used the opportunity to make their case to Mr. Platini.
“Help me, Michel,” Sir Alex exhorted.
“My boys are shattered, absolutely shattered. I have a crisis on my hands. Ryan Giggs has spoken to the boys and they are threatening to place a super injunction which will gag me from naming them on the team sheet if we play Barcelona next season.”
Jose Mourinho, who was instrumental in the sacking of Real Madrid director general Jorge Valdano last week, also asked Mr. Platini to take action.
“Michel, this is becoming a joke. Pep and his team are driving me crazy. I even tried to play rugby against them and they still beat us. Jorge had a bitch about it and I had to get rid of him. There is no point playing football against Barca.”
“Even those spineless monkeys at the BBC are plotting against me. They sent me an email about truth in broadcasting and now they want to change the name of my puppet show from “Special 1 TV” to “Not So Special 1TV”.
“You have to do something, Michel!”
Mr. Platini weighed up the two managers’ pleas.
“Alex, Jose, I understand. No other team in the world would be crazy enough to play Mascherano as a centre back and the last time I saw Abidal was when I visited him in hospital 2 months ago.”
“Barcelona played with 10 and a half men in the final and dominated the game. Unbelievable!”
“Here is my solution. Play against 10-man Barca next season and you might stand a chance.”
UEFA have given FC Barcelona until the end of the week to accept the ultimatum.
In the meantime, Mr. Platini will be attending the farce that is the FIFA presidential election.
Art Sapphire is the pseudonym for Athas Zafiris, and is on Twitter @ArtSapphire
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