Opinion
I watched parts of the first day of the Australian Open, so I’m now a certified tennis expert – just like everyone else in this country during January.
I’m such an expert I now call it a tennis racquet instead of a netty stick. And I’m such an expert that I have six ideas and opinions about tennis that must be read.
1. Reduce the length of men’s tennis
There is some criticism in tennis of the women getting equally paid for playing fewer sets than the men at grand slams. I think that view of the pay issue is a little simplistic, but regardless, the comparative work hours are contentious.
I think the main point of contention is that it’s condescending to women. Women run marathons yet, apparently, cannot play five sets of tennis.
The obvious solution to this archaic sexism is that women should play best-of-five sets like the men. However, I think we should heed the words of Missy Elliot: flip it and reverse it. The men should play best-of-three sets like the women.
This is consistent with how men play tennis outside the grand slams. It seems strange to go from three sets to five sets at just four tournaments per year, only because they are more important events. It does not happen for most other sports. The cliche that ‘it’s a game of three halves’ does not exist, because soccer games are not extended at the World Cup just because the stage is bigger.
Fewer sets would increase the quality of play. There would be a greater emphasis on tennis skills rather than not cramping and getting dehydrated.
Three sets would also reduce the bias in the draw where one player can back up for his next round fixture after an easy 90-minute straight-sets victory but his oppoenent had to endure a four-hour marathon that finished 11-9 in the deciding set.
Maybe there would be less drama, but maybe the drama would just be different. The recent ATP Cup tie between Australia and Great Britain was thrilling, and they played two sets and a tie breaker.
(Lev Radin/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images)
2. No mercy on faults
Three words: Single. Fault. Tennis.
Do you know what people like about tennis? The ball being hit backwards and forwards across the net a lot of times consecutively.
Fast serves absolutely ruin this. But given no second serve, players would slow down the service speed significantly due to risk. And then an ace or unreturnable serve becomes a highlight play of incredible daring.
My next point is related to this.
3. Be consistent about the ball hitting the net
Why does hitting the net – confusingly called ‘let’ – on a serve not count, but it does count during the rest of the point?
And why do tennis players pretend to be apologetic when they do hit the net cord?
The fickle influence of the net cord should apply to serves as it does to returns. Sometimes it would drop over for an ace, other times it would balloon up for an easy return. Let the tennis gods decide.
4. Rock music entrances
Music entrances like for boxers or darts players would increase the theatre of tennis. Actually, music entrances would increase the theatre of theatre too.
Playing some bangers at changes of ends, like cricket’s Big Bash League does between overs, wouldn’t hurt either.
Tennis should remove its pretensions of being more civilised than other sports. Its high brow should be lowered slightly. It should remember sport is entertainment as well as competition.
5. Professional doubles tennis is a waste of time
Does anyone seriously believe all these ‘doubles specialists’ are actually the best players in the world at doubles tennis?
If the best singles players won’t play doubles, it has no merit as a professional competition. Leave it to the team events, exhibitions and weekly club tennis.
And finally my most controversial hot take.
6. Nick Kyrgios is okay
Whatever he says and does, Kyrigos is all right, and here’s why in 25 words or less:
He’s essentially living the Australian dream: bludging his way through a really high-paying job. And he is not Bernard Tomic.
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