Top 5 sporting events that seem to be held in secret

This column started as a list of sportspeople united by some feature other than competence. Increasingly it is about any sports-related matter motivated by the events of the week that is suggested by readers and/or tickles my fancy.

My Top 5 Sporting Events That Appear To Be Held In Secret

1. European Football Championships, 2008 (c) – a combination of night games, an eight hour time difference and coverage substantially on the deeply mysterious Setanta Sports allowed this tournament to pass me by with barely a glance. One can only suppose that Holland fared well early then bowed out in the knockout stages; that Germany looked awful but made the final anyway; and that the tournament final promised an early-morning goal-fest but instead finished 1-0 or with penalities. I just wonder whether Spain finally performed or if England failed somehow in spectacular fashion?

2. West Indies Cricket Tours, 2008 – starting play at the relaxing time of midnight, these fixtures take a whole night’s commitment. A commitment made only once, wisely, for the 2007 World Cup Final in which Adam Gilchrist demonstrated why he has been the best batsman to watch of the past fifteen years, besides perhaps Virender Sehwag. Admittedly, I did videotape the decisive Day 2 in 1995 – with Mark Waugh’s majestic 126 and Courtney Browne’s pre-Herschelle Gibbs moment for Steve Waugh – and pay personal visits to Antigua in 1999 and Trinidad in 2003. But I’ve left the 2008 exchanges entirely to Mr Sandman.

3. Away South African Rugby Tests, 1994-present – I reckon I watched Nick Farr-Jones’s great 1992-3 team hammer the Boks shortly after the Great Defrosting. However the appeal of post-midnight kickoffs has dimmed with the years, lack of success (Mortlock’s not un-Australian penalty [see Item two of last week’s column] excepted) and Percy Montgomery’s natural hair colour.

4. The French Open – I’ve missed this one pretty much every year since 1891. The timezone can’t be the only reason; I think it’s the feeling that every match could go for 9 hours if one is not careful. Unless, of course, the match features Rafael Nadal – but who wants to watch even 30 seconds of frantic Iberian bum-picking?

5. Every US Golf Major – In principle, these are the sporting events which, Doors-style, break on through to the other side. (Incidentally, why did the Doors need to break on through? Why didn’t they just open?) Anyway, it never seems to happen this way. Perhaps it’s the fact the heart-stopping morning finish actually takes an hour and a half, or the fact that it happens on Monday as one is preparing for work (or Tuesday if you are related to, or are, Rocco Mediate.) Or perhaps it is just that no-one cares who wins unless it’s Tiger Woods or an Australian – not even Shaun Micheel.

[With thanks to Nicholas Gray for suggestions on Item 1]