There was jubilation this week as I flipped over the newspaper to find the words “troubled footballer”, “nightclub” and “urinate” co-located in a sentence! It was the perfect opportunity to bust out a team that a couple of mates and myself have selected and re-selected many times over the years.
With its genesis in some memorable cricket-related incidents, and too many contenders to stop at just five, I proudly present The Nitespots XI, Part 1. (Correspondence on the topic will influence next week’s selections, so don’t be shy.)
All Bar Nun (c)
As well as inspiring this list, this Canberra nightclub also sealed – or broke the seal on – Todd Carney’s place in the Top 5 Footballing Urinators. Filling out the starting side would be serial bad-boy Julian O’Neill (Jupiter’s Casino, allegedly), fresh-face Cameron Shepherd (roof of car in Glebe), Sonny Bill Williams (dark alley wall, Cronulla) and Jason Taylor (beer cup, SCG).
The Bourbon and Beefsteak (vc)
The first cricketing entry, this Sydney fleshpot hosted Ricky Ponting’s infamous black eye blackout in 1999. In hindsight, it was the end of the beginning for Punter, as he has matured admirably since. For this reason, we won’t select The Equinox in Calcutta, scene of an earlier Ponting transgression.
The Hip-E Club
While it is difficult to believe Greg Matthews prompted someone to punch him in the head, apparently it happened! All’s well that ends well, however, as Mo bounced back to ‘yeah-yeah’ fame and a spot on the Triple M’s Legset Dead-Ends. The Hip-E remains ‘Perth’s Grooviest Nightclub’.
The Ramsgate Hotel
Showdown XI quickly morphed into Showdown XI(a) when Port Power and Adelaide Crows players decided to interrupt their Sunday ‘recovery’ session to stage a good old-fashioned bar-room brawl. Evidently a fiery sermon that morning in the City of Churches.
The Coogee Bay Hotel
A better No.5 than Steve Waugh, this legendary beachside boozer has hosted shenanigans of all kinds over the years, but none more memorable than Craig Gower’s tackle-flashing turn in 1999: Irish tourists have lived in fear ever since. Dieu only knows what they make of him in France.
With thanks to Nicholas Gray and Bill Neild, who played the roles of Merv Hughes and Andrew Hilditch, respectively.
Paul
Guest
Can you imagine if he hadn't ? All of a sudden he cops a shoulder in the gut...whoooosho ! Haha, i wouldve cacked.
Paul
Guest
Ah Dallas. I used to knock about with his family. Dallas was always a bit of a rough diamond, but i knew as soon as he signed up to the " Tom Raudonikis finishing school for Young Gentlemen " , big things would happen.
rugbyguy
Roar Pro
What about Jerry Collins urinating on the feild during a test match while playing for the All Blacks, He knelt down during a stoppage in play slipped the old fella out the bottom of his shorts and releived himself in the middle of the paddock, in a full stadium with all the tv camera's i dont know how he thought no one would notice, in the end i think it was the steaming frothy puddle that gave it away, or could have been the big black schlong on the stadiums bigscreen,
Paul
Guest
Laurie Daley, hahahaha. If ever there was a man who looked like the love-child of a " Electronic Shock-Therapy patient and a demented cockatoo ", it's him. He was commentating on the sideline on a recent TV match. He turned side on and the screen went black. I thought my TV had died. Luckily it was only a nasal eclipse.
Westy
Guest
I know it was a lond time ago but Dallas Donnelly deserves an honourable mention for urinating in the fishtank at Wests Leagues at least he had the good grace to also consume the goldfish. Bannished to the bowling club to consume his jugs.
cosmos forever
Guest
As a committed Raiders fan and Canberran by birth and upbringing, may I humbly suggest The Kingston Hotel. A place that saw the Raiders of the time partake in behaviour that would make them feel extremely uneasy about their pious protestations about the current bunch of players from their cozy coaching and media jobs. For that matter why not cut to the chase and place the Sydney Football Stadium change room as a solid number XI following Laurie Daley's 'actions' just before the PM Bob Hawke entered the rooms to shake hands (yuk) after the win in the 90's... ;)
El Capitan
Guest
Lets not forget Brendan Fevola in Ireland. Big Willie, Minachello and others photo at "the Church". Joey Johns and the Tube. The list goes on and on.
Lenny
Guest
Not officially a nightclub (yet), but how about the good ol' 747 jumbo. I'm thinking Boony's famous 56 beers on the trip to the UK for an Ashes tour. And a few other seedy plane incidents, the details of which escape me...
Suchy
Guest
How could the Sapphire Suite not be number one. Owned by a footy player, populated by footy players, the place where craig gower revealed his true colours as a vampire
Gordo
Guest
Phil Coorey - that is the Saphire Lounge, formally Icebox.. that place could easily provide its own XI... paulmc - that is the Clovelly Hotel (aka the Cloey). I think it was cubical number 2...
Bowy
Guest
Jonesy, No. 6 will most certainly be the Beach Palace - the younger sister had the roosters of the early 00's in turmoil and proudly made ricky provide the total ban on the establisment... suffice to say michael Croker took it too heart that he moved to Melourne where Grappling is the norm!
paulmc
Guest
Where did SBW & Candice score?
Phil Coorey
Guest
Part two will have that other place at the Cross I assume? The one where Hayne was shot at after leaving? Name escapes me...