Sportsfan's word on this weekend’s NRL

Dragons v Broncos. WIN Stadium, Wollongong. Friday 7.35pm. Convicted drug trafficker Shapelle Corby’s mental state has taken a turn for the worst after resident medicos in the jail she currently inhabits declared her insane.

When Round Review Ninjas inquired as to just what Corby had done to provoke such a dire analysis of her state of mind, we were informed that Shapelle had planned to put a bet on the Broncos winning this game. Dragons by 24.

Titans v Storm. Skilled Park, Gold Coast. Friday 7.35pm
Speaking of crazies, Titans Coach, John Cartright might need to have his head read after publicly declaring that Titans’ lock, Ashley Harrison should be in line for a Test jumper. There is more chance of the Titans winning this game than there is of Ashley Harrison playing for Australia…and there’s no chance of the Titans winning this game. Storm by 40.

Rabbitohs v Knights. Bluetongue Stadium, Gosford. Saturday 5.30pm
The Government of Fiji has recently received a boost with a multi-billion dollar export deal set to boost the Country’s economy. After two prototypes were tested on the NRL, a recently renovated and re-released model code named ‘Lote 2.0’, the other a less refined, but still quite powerful version, the ‘Uate 1A’, look for Fiji’s greatest export, the ‘Try Scoring Machine’’…appearing at an NRL Team near you! Look for a hat trick for the Uate 1A as the Knights take this one.

Bulldogs v Warriors. ANZ Stadium, Sydney. Saturday 7.30pm
Bulldogs Prop, Ben Hannant is still negotiating with the club on an upgrade to his contract, which will apparently cure his ‘homesickness’. Taking inspiration from Scott Prince’s contract negotiating skills, Hannant has requested $400K worth of property to be included in his deal. The Bulldogs have been forthcoming, and have given Ben 24 houses in the Belmore area. Now, instead of being home sick, Hannant will be sick of home. Speaking of homesick, the Warriors will be just that after this one…Dogs by 40.

Cowboys v Tigers. Cow Grazing Paddock, Middle of Nowhere. Saturday 7.30pm
Cows Hooker, Anthony Watts is under investigation by the NRL Salary Cap auditors due to an undisclosed third party sponsorship deal with fitness equipment manufacturer, Everlast. Apparently Watts signed a lucrative deal to have a range of punching bags with Watts’ likeness printed on them, and the bags are proving a huge hit. Even Tigers Hooker, Robbie Farah has one that he rarely leaves the house without, just in case he needs to exercise his fists of fury at any given moment. Sources tell me Robbie won’t be taking the bag to Townsville for this game, as good as the bags are, apparently they’re not quite as good as punching the real thing. Tigers by 30.

Sea Eagles v Sharks. Brookvale Oval, Manly. Sunday 2.00pm
Cronulla Police have arrested several men in relation to a serious explosion that released a dangerous gas around the Cronulla area last Saturday night. As people in Cronulla do, the men were fooling around with several types of gas, trying to get high, when one of them knocked over their lava lamp, which ignited the gases and sent huge plumes of smoke into the air, covering the entire area. The vicinity of Toyota Park was worst hit, with thousands of people being treated for hallucinations after reporting seeing all sorts of crazy things such as leprechauns, flying pigs, unicorns and Cronulla winning. The effects will have passed in time for this game, and those affected will come back to earth with a thud. Eagles by 7.

Panthers v Roosters. CUA Stadium, Penrith. Sunday 3.00pm
The newest glamour couple to hit the tabloids is Home and Away star, Jodi Gordon, and Roosters Captain, Braith Anasta. It makes sense that these two have hooked up, as their careers have followed similar paths. They’ve both been fawned over by the media for mediocre roles, have both won awards they had no place winning, and both have been in trouble for associating with shady characters….Jodi with a bikie gang, Anasta with his Roosters team mates. To use the term of a co-star of Gordon’s, Those Flamin’ Mongrels from Penrith by 6.

Eels v Raiders. Parramatta Stadium, Parramatta. Monday 7.00pm
In a huge shock for Parramatta fans, veteran prop Nathan Cayless has announced that he will retire at the end of the 2010 NRL Season. By huge shock, we mean that Eels fans were surprised to hear Cayless was actually still playing for the team, they thought he retired five seasons ago! Eels by 1.

Good luck to all, and go the Tigers!