Move over bandwagoners, here I come

Australian Socceroos fans enjoy the atmosphere at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. AAP Image/Julian Smith

If I’m to be honest, this is the column I had really hoped to write last week. Obviously, a less than impressive Socceroos and a rampant if out-scrummed Wallabies outfit put paid to that.

This week though, the tides have turned, and I’m proud to announce my arrival back on the Socceroos bandwagon.

I wouldn’t say I’m a football tragic.

I keep track of the A-League without actively following any team, and keeping track of Australian players in the English Premier League is reasonably easy to do too. I’ve even been happy to tow the FFA line and drop the “soccer” label in favour of their preferred football. Turns out, they’re the same game anyway.

So I guess I’m one of those typical football experts that fill Australian work sites, shopping centres, schoolyards, and office corridors quadrennially.

Yes, I watch all the internationals and qualifiers in the lead up, but it’s really only when the World Cup rolls around that I start getting excited about football, and take a little notice of Australia’s opponents.

I’ve even reacquainted myself with the offside rule, thanks to a classic email joke I’ve kept since 2006 (available on request).

I knew that Germany would be a tough ask first up, but I held onto the glimmer of hope that the Socceroos (Footballeroos?) might just be able to sneak an upset. A draw would have been worst-case scenario.

Of course, it’s history now that the Footballeroos could only grin and bear it as a red-hot German side put four goals past us. I can say ‘us’, can’t I?

Thankfully, and as it is also in cricket and rugby, a week is a long time in football. Pim, all is forgiven for the Germany debacle. Particularly if you keep preparing the team as you did for Ghana.

The Footeroos were superb against Ghana. Pure and simple.

To overcome the unbelievably harsh red card on Harry Kewell (because that’s what everyone is saying, right?) and still dominate general play will win back most fickle fans, and probably just as many of those hack media types who were so quick to call for sackings and blood-letting last week (The Roar colleagues excluded, obviously).

It all started so promising too. Mark Bresciano’s scintillating spot kit was delivered with a heavy amount of topspin, and that wily adidas Jabulani ball dipped in a manner not previously seen in the tournament (by me anyway).

The Ghanaian goalkeeper did well to get a hand on it, considering the way the Jabulani actively avoided England’s Robert Green, but could only bunt it out of front of him, and Brett Holman doesn’t need second invitations for opportunities like that.

Temporarily forgetting the time of night and that my lovely wife was sound asleep up the other end of the house, I let out a muffled shriek of delight and ran a lap of my lounge room in silent-ish triumph.

No, I didn’t pull my shirt up over my head; there was furniture to avoid. Happy times indeed and World Cup glory was surely now in the bag.

Minutes later, disaster struck and Kewell was giving his marching orders for having the temerity to stop a goal-bound Jabulani with his chest. It was a mere detail, surely, that the ball may have been in the same vicinity of his arm. Ghana should have lost a man for firing a shot at a vulnerable striker lingering in unfamiliar territory.

How was Harry supposed to know you can’t use your hands? He’s seen Mark Schwarzer get away with it for years!

In my mind, this whole red card crusade that FIFA has imposed on the Footeroos is all part of a bigger conspiracy, and one that The Roar’s Mike Tuckerman missed while floating his own valid conspiracy theory on Sunday. Quite clearly, FIFA is getting square with the FFA for not appropriately “dealing with” AFL CEO Andrew Demetriou during the whole 2022 bid venues brouhaha.

And I note the irony of the dodgy referee being Italian too. As if Australians needed another reason to hate Italians in the World Cup.

Anyway, Ghana got their equaliser sure enough, and suddenly we were back to one-all.

After the break, the Footeroos come out firing, seemingly forgetting that they were down a man.

Pim rang the changes on the hour, with the first obviously one for fans of Santo, Sam and Ed’s Cup Fever show on SBS. Mark Bresciano had barely reached for the Cup Diary on the bench when Scott “Chippers” Chipperfield fired a header over the crossbar with his first touch.

Minutes later, Luke Wilkshire fluffed a simple shot from in front, not unlike what Matt Giteau did for the Wallabies a few hours before. Josh Kennedy couldn’t get a decent shot on the ricochet either, and there with those missed chances went Australia’s push for an improbable win. The Swiss ball that doubles as a footrest in the lounge room copped the mother of all floggings.

In the post match, Australian commentators couldn’t wait to claim “we was robbed”.

Craig Foster championed “don’t tell me we have no heart, don’t tell me we don’t have the cattle,” conveniently ignoring the fact it was him telling us all this the week before.

They way he jumps on and off the bandwagon, he must have the best calf muscles in the SBS studio.

I don’t know what the equation is to advance to the next stage (those of us on the bandwagon don’t concern ourselves with such technicalities), but I’d imagine it would involve Germany giving it to Ghana as they did us, and the Footeroos beating Serbia early Thursday morning by at least a converted try.

Whatever the result, it’s been yet another thrilling ride on the ‘wagon. And it could be much worse too. We could be supporting England.