Week 17 NRL round review

Back from a work related hiatus (translation: Work controls my life).

Broncos v Tigers. Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane. Friday 7.35pm
Whilst usually spending much of his time treating his players to wisdom and general rugby league martyr-like insight, Tigers coach Tim Sheens has decided to get a little selfish, and has treated himself to a new sports car. Sheens took delivery this week of a very rare, but highly sought after speed machine, the Lote Mach II. Unlike it’s previous maroon and gold predecessor, the Lote Mach II now comes only in black and orange, and Sheens will be doing (victory) laps of Suncorp Stadium at around 9.30pm. Let’s hope he engages the hat-trick afterburners as the Tigers win by 40.

Sharks v Bulldogs. Bluetongue Stadium, Gosford. Saturday 7.30pm
Nursing homes in the Cronulla area have reported mass numbers of breakouts in the last several days, with many elderly male residents found in strange situations, including running marathons, becoming astronauts and dating Pamela Anderson. One old timer who was stopped at the gate revealed that if another Cronulla fossil could play 5/8 for NSW, then anything was still possible for him and his mates. Dogs by 8.

Raiders v Roosters. Canberra Stadium, Canberra. Sunday 2.00pm
The Canberra Times has taken a strange request for an advertisement to be published in Sunday’s edition. Apparently, the ad reads: “Missing: One pair of spherical-type objects, some would call balls. Please return to Mr Brass Monkey”. Me thinks it is going to be cold in Canberra on Sunday, and there’s not enough latte in the world to warm the Chooks up enough for this one. Raiders by 7.

Warriors v Eels. Mt Smart Stadium, New Zealand. Sunday 4.00pm
Anthony Mundine has made a habit of beating up on no-name under strength opponents, and his last victim on Wednesday night was no different. Mundine wasted no time in announcing the unlucky recipient of the next beating he will be handing out, and that hapless soul’s name is, the Parramatta Eels. For now, the Warriors will be the only ones beating up on the Slipperies as they win by 20.

Dragons v Panthers. WIN Jubilee Stadium, Sydney. Monday 7.00pm
In a sequence of events that has rocked the literary world, the author of the world famous Harry Potter books, J.K Rowling, has had her new potential best seller scrapped by her editors without it ever seeing the light of day. Apparently Rowling submitted her draft for her latest masterpiece, based on the St George Illawarra Dragons’ 2010 NRL season, only to have it committed to pulp by an unimpressed editorial team. When round review HQ reporters quizzed a member of the editors’ staff as to the reasons, they were told that apparently Rowling had predicted an end to the Dragons’ season that was far too horrific and could potentially terrify her kiddie readers. Sounds like a true story, Penrith by 12.