Obviously there was more to winning the 2022 World Cup bid than the bid video, but Australia surely didn’t leave a good final impression with their presentation and were rightly criticised for it. Here are some of my suggestions on how Australia could improve the final presentation.
1. More Australianisms
Okay, so they got the jumping kangaroo and Uluru but what about other classic Australian icons? We should also have seen other classic Australianisms such as “shrimp on the barbie”.
How can we not show classic Australian legends such as Don Bradman and Phar Lap? They certainly should have shown those two during the montage about how we Australians love sports.
What about classic Australian sayings such as “fair suck of the sav”, how we are a “lucky country”, and that we will put in the “hard yakka” to make this World Cup well organised and promise that we will display our “Aussie spirit” if it comes down under?
We also should have had the song “A Land Down Under” playing in the background throughout the bid video.
2. Replace Skippy with a Crocodile
Although we should definitely have a kangaroo throughout the montage, I felt a better character to steal the World Cup would be a crocodile.
Why you ask? Well we have Paul Hogan chasing the thief, haven’t we?
Instead of having Paul Hogan disguised with a helmet, he should have dressed in his traditional Crocodile Dundee outfit “hunting” down the crocodile who stole the World Cup. Imagine the hilarity of having Crocodile Dundee hunting the crocodile across the Australian outback.
At the end we can have Paul Hogan finishing the cartoon crocodile off like we see in the movies. After all, a bit of action never hurts any movie.
3. Sex sells
It’s quite obvious that Australia couldn’t compete with Qatar with money. So in the bid video we should demonstrate to the world that us Aussie have the hottest ladies in the world and having woman in bikini playing Football on the beach.
Perhaps we would promise that the oldest occupation in the world – prostitution – would be legal in Australia in all states by 2022.
Also mention that we were previous successful host of Miss Nude Universe Pageant. Instead of sending Executive Committee members with bottle of wine, we should have used have used some of the $43 million tax payers funded money in hiring “escort services”.
4. Make better use of Elle McPherson
Related to point three, it was obvious that Elle McPherson was there was to add a bit of sexiness and glamour to the proceeding. So they should have just show select footage of her “acting” in the movie “Sirens”. That would sure get the attention of the quite elderly Executive committee members.
5. Make sure everyone knows how great Frank Lowy is
There was a segment where Frank Lowy tells his rag to riches story and where Elle McPherson keeps on telling the audience how great Frank Lowy is and how he is a hero and how much he has done for the game.
Well during that speech we should have a halo appearing above Frank’s head and have him entering the stage under a bright white light just to emphasise her point.
Hell, he would certainly do a better job than Morgan Freeman at playing god.
6. We don’t like the English as well
It’s quite obvious that the English aren’t particularly well liked throughout FIFA. We should have used that to our advantage to show them that the English aren’t particularly well liked throughout Australia as well. You can’t show Australian culture without us cursing the “whingeing pom”.
We should have Craig Foster telling us his history of Australian Football where the English mafia has held back the game with their archaic style of football and that’s why Australia is a third world Football nation.
It was only the influence of ethnic clubs from continental Europe and us hiring foreign coaches (such as Rale Rasic and Guus Hiddink), as well as SBS influencing the population by promoting “joga bonito” which was played by South Americans, and our entrance in Asia that made Australia competitive in Football.
Craig should tell the world that it was our abandonment of Anglo culture that made us qualify for three World Cups. We blame England for why we aren’t superpowers of the game.
This will surely get us onside with the other 21 Executive Committee members.
7. Show us the legacy of the World Cup in Australia
We have to show the world what the World Cup would achieve in Australia. Therefore there should be footage of AFL and Cricket matches being played in front of full crowds in even larger stadiums then what they currently have.
8. Johnny Warren’s legacy
It was a disgrace that our greatest Football hero wasn’t mention in the bid video. Therefore at the end of the video presentation there should show Australia winning the World Cup at home, holding the World cup trophy with Johnny Warren face appearing from the sky watching down on us saying, “I Told You So”.
Andre Zeh German
Guest
Yes, that would be a good movie, but ..... it was not the clip that we lost. I lost the dream to come with all my Aussie Football stuff to Australia in 2022........ But at all Qatar is a joke for a World Cup
Tristan Rayner
Editor
Well said Joe, big Johnny steaming in off the long run to pitch a pie centimetres from release was fantastic. New World Cup pitch: 'We're rubbish at Cricket, so give us a go at something else!'
dasilva
Guest
Thanks for the compliment. At least someone thought it was funny
dasilva
Guest
Thanks for posting here Andre I do agree that using football people such as Harry Wiliams and Warren and Rasic etc would have been great. Telling the story about bunch of part timers who works as milkmen, miners etc qualifying to the World Cup to play against professionals would have been great (by the way, my tongue was at my cheek when I mention Bradman and Phar Lap) I think the main problem with the video was that it didn't really show that Australia likes Football and that we aren't a football nations. I think it was bad video right from the start. When it said "We love sports". They should have changed it to "We Love Football" to try and change perception about australia. then even put up our participation statistics, our previous hosting of under 20 world cups, show footage of audience reaction to Aloisi's penalty and Cahill's equaliser etc. Or alternatively, show the reaction of Australia losing to Iran with a message "this is what it's means for Australia to not qualify to the World Cup". Show Johnny Warren in tears, players devastated, the crowd silent. Then "This is what it means for Australia to qualify" then show the euphoria of the Uruguay penalty kick. Then imagine what it would be like when we host it. Something simple like that.
Andre Zeh German
Guest
The video was not so bad, I think it was a kind of funny. I think the one with the socceroos from last year was much better. Anyway, it not the video that we lost. But, I asked some people in Deutschland. They sad Elle was a desaster. The voice and flirting with this old guy (FrankL) was boring and stupid. You dont need Don Bradman and Phar Lap in that video, who knows them? But for a football video you have to put some faces like Rasic, Harry Williams, Baartz or Warren in. Maybe just for a few seconds when the Kangaroo maybe passed a cafe or an public place. Also Guus, people from Aussie football history and culture. But again, the video was good, it was possible to make it better, but it was not the reason that the MaFIFA vote against Australia. Franz Beckenbauer gave us his point, I am happy about that ... Andre zehGerman
Joe T
Guest
Great article DaSilva! Very funny! As part of our love for sport, could we somehow have managed to show the footage of John Howard 'attempting' to bowl - that footage always cracks me up.
dasilva
Roar Guru
I know that we didn't lost the bid due to the video but at least if we got the bid video right we would have been eliminated with our dignity still intact. I honesty think the bid video was a disaster and made us a laughing stock. Frank Lowy commented that the people at FIFA Exec thought it was funny but I have a feeling that they were laughing at us rather then with us. One of the thing overlook in the criticism of the video presentations was the narcicism displayed by Frank Lowy. I think Lowy is a hero of Australian football and it's true that he did so much for the game in Australia. However this wasn't the moment to be showing the world that as the bid is not about Frank Lowy but Australia as a football nation. Having Elle Mcpherson started going off about how much of a hero Frank Lowy was just astoundingly bad and it seems like it was presenting to the world that the World Cup bid was a platform to glorify Frank Lowy rather then for the benefit of Australian Football I'll also add this part that was edited out in the article "3. Sex sells It’s quite obvious that Australia couldn’t compete with Qatar with money. However according to undercover reporter’s footage of former FIFA secretary-general Michel Zen-Ruffinen, he claimed that some Executive committee members can be bought off with woman with him quoted of saying “He's the guy you can have with the ladies and not with money." therefore Australia has to target the FIFA Exco members who are influence by woman and not money to stand a chance of winning the bid"
Australian Football
Roar Guru
I would like to know the name of the production house responsible for the WC video presentation.. Does anyone know?
sydboz
Guest
The world cup video wasn't bad, could it have been better? Yes but it certainly wasn't the one that decided the bid, Qatar spent 10-20 million on just the bid video alone and guess who made it? That's right, an Australian. Our entire budget was 45 million and people complain about that. It just shows the discrepancy of how much Qatar were willing to throw around and Australia simply could not match that, Qatar had this in the bag almost a year out, they knew who were going to vote for them, they bribed the various FA's, they had deals in place with vital nations, they paid off footballing ambassadors who have no relation to Qatar what so ever and they paid the Executive Committee members one final major pay day, before their impending retirement. What has it achieved for the game? nothing and it's damaged it irreversibly, until someone comes in and goes there has to be a re-vote for 2022. It is plain and simple, Qatar bribed everyone and anything within a ten foot pole of their bid and they stole the world cup hosting rights however actually being able to host it, is a totally different scenario and that's why Sepp Blatter is running around talking like a mad man, damaging the game ever more at the moment.
Roarchild
Roar Guru
I think we would have got the cup if the video was in 3D and featured Sam Worthington instead of Ian Thorpe Even if we didn't get the world cup we would have made a motza from the blu ray sales.
Eljay
Guest
sasilva, please remove that tongue from your cheek. Yes, the video was crap; it was twice too long and the kangaroo actually looked like a brown dog. We are known as a nation of thieves so no surprise therefore that the whole theme of the video, aided and abbetted by Julia Gillard, further compounded our dubious reputation. Someone should have been shot for serving it up.
Matt83
Guest
And why not introduce them early to our World Cup Mascot, Captain Moneybags...