England celebrate as Australia’s Xavier Doherty is bowled by England’s Graeme Swann. AAP Image/Dean Lewins
England have won the fifth and final Ashes Test here in Sydney by an innings and 83 runs, and in doing so have lifted the Urn with a thumping 3-1 series win.
From the moment England declared in Brisbane at 1/517, the writing was on the wall for what Australia were in for, and when Kevin Pietersen brought up his well-over-celebrated double hundred in Adelaide, England had a top four that looked as rock solid as the Beatles before Yoko.
England’s top seven scored nine centuries to Mike Hussey’s two and Brad Haddin’s Hussey-supporting one in Brisbane, but even more damning is that England’s top four contributed seven centuries, including Cook and Pietersen’s doubles, to none from their Australian counterparts.
Alastair Cook’s 766 takes care of most, if not all, the modest-returning Australian batsmen used. Steven Smith’s fighting second innings 54 not out here in the second dig may push the aggregate of himself, Michael Clarke, Phillip Hughes, Usman Khawaja, Ricky Ponting, Simon Katich and Marcus North beyond that of Cook’s massive return, but essentially, we can conclude that one Cook equals seven struggling Australians in this series.
But this isn’t the time for Australian post-mortems, for to do so now would be to wash over this magnificent English performance.
I had said at the conclusion of Melbourne that a 2-2 series result would have been a travesty, a non-refection of England’s dominance. 3-1, as it turns out, still doesn’t reflect it accurately either, for this has been nothing short of annihilation.
The Sydney win becomes the first time in Ashes history that England have inflicted three innings defeats on their old rivals. Ever. Never before in 130 years.
The draw in Brisbane turned out to be the calm before the storm. Andrew Strauss being bowled in the first over of the series nothing more than an oasis in the desert of Australian hopes for the series.
When Jimmy Anderson and Steven Finn had reduced Australia to 5/143, the England pace-train had left the station. The question marks over Anderson and Stuart Broad regarding their effectiveness in Australian conditions were already diminishing.
Finn, the young guy the English press were quick to label “the next Glenn McGrath” (which isn’t even their label to apply) proved to be as good as the hype built him up to be, even if he was a touch expensive.
But the real sticking point, that immovable rock, quickly became the top order. Australia were on top by the end of Day 3, and things were looking very, very up.
1d/517, followed up in Adelaide with 5d/620, quickly put paid to that. What small advantage Australia thought they’d established in Brisbane had evaporated less than a week later, and sure as night follows day, Australia were right up against it just ten days into the series.
England headed to Perth having lost only 16 wickets for the series, while also having scored a full 260 runs more than Australia had in the same time, but with one less innings required.
And if Australia wasn’t copping enough of a beating on the field, off the field it was surely no contest. The final days at both the ‘Gabba and the Adelaide Oval (as did the MCG and SCG, as it turned out) were turned into virtual England home grounds as the Barmy Army set down their camps like squatters in disused warehouses.
Perth, of course would prove to be a mere blip on their Ashes radar, a week where the Poms very nicely allowed Australia the nation, if not just the team, to allow us to believe that this Ashes contest might be even. We naïve and irrational believers were even allowed to dine out on the Perth win for the whole week leading into Christmas (oh, the night out I had with the English media guys!), not knowing that the worst kind of Boxing Day hangover awaited us in Melbourne.
And there it hit us. Like the worst kind of too-much-ham-and-lollies stomach cramp, the parochial MCG crowd was reduced to silence as quick as you can say “98 all out”. I even had my Dad in tow to share Boxing Day with me, when in hindsight it might have been safer just to give him socks.
Suddenly, the Ashes were gone. Just as Australia had scrapped and fought to get a hand back on the Urn, it was swatted away like an irritating fly, an annoyance that England had no time for on their way to glory.
And so the Last Rites would be delivered in Sydney.
On a pitch were much conjecture remains over whether it’s a bat- or bowl-first wicket (g’day Roarer Brendon), Australia opened proceedings only to quickly find themselves in that horrible recurring dream, the one where they can’t build partnerships and regularly lose wickets at the worst possible time. As if there’s a good time to lose wickets.
Only an enthusiastically wagging tail would give the Australian scorecard some semblance of respectability. In reply, England played their trump card and served up yet another Cook ton for an entrée, with maiden Ashes hundreds for Bell and Prior as a main. Records were falling like lead balloons at a bad comedy club.
Come the last day in Sydney, the gates were thrown open, Mother Nature had a bet each way with simultaneous rain and sun before play, and soon enough, Billy Cooper’s rendition of The Last Post gave way to an English party 24 years in the making.
Urns were lifted, podiums were jumped on and, presumably, a few beers flowed.
I wouldn’t mind betting the Barmy Army are still partying as you read this, and perhaps a few players as well. As you would.
Fair play to you England, you were just far too good…
Rob McLean
Guest
"Yes, I criticised Australian hubris on another thread, but hubris is a human condition not a solely Australian condition. Indeed, success breeds hubris as a matter of course. The Aussies will adjust and correct and the Ashes will soon be competitive once again. Long live Anglo-Australian sporting rivalry." Great post VC.
sledgeross
Guest
Thanks Brettles, really appreciated you honest imput over the series mate, enjoyed it immensely. The only saving grace is that I have a mate from Leeds coming out ofr the one dayers. Thanks god I didnt have to put up with teh 5 days of tests!
Brett McKay
Expert
Of course not Brendon, that isn't suggested or even intimated in any way. I'm just saying Perth was a mere hurdle along the way to Ashes success. I thought that was reasonably obvious actually..
Brendon
Guest
In all the calls for the heads of the Australian players, blood letting and general deranged vengeance by Australian we've forgotten to acknowledge how well England prepared and played for this tour. The telling comments from the England side about the WACA defeat was that they were un-prepared for the swing and bounce. They didn't lose because Australia were brilliant - besides Johnson's glorious spell and Hussey's century we could have been staring at another defeat - they lost because they didn't prepare accordingly for the WACA conditions. One person who should be asked questions is the curator of the 'Gabba pitch. Obviously in the attempt to maximise revenue and make sure the game went the full 5 days an absolute batsmen paradise was prepared that resembled nothing like 'Gabba pitches of the past. To turn your most successful ground into a batsmen's paradise for a few extra $$ needs to be looked at and people made accountable. We were always going to have a tough time against England at the MCG and the SCG. To put into perspective what a batsmen's paradise the Gabba pitch was even Ponting made runs in the 2nd innings of the 5th day. Even PONTING scored runs. We needed to win at the Gabba and the WACA to regain the Ashes. And are you suggesting England lost at the WACA on purpose? "Perth, of course would prove to be a mere blip on their Ashes radar, a week where the Poms very nicely allowed Australia the nation, if not just the team, to allow us to believe that this Ashes contest might be even"
Brett McKay
Expert
Martin, Rhys, Brio, VC, Das, thanks for the comments and I'm very glad you enjoyed the coverage. It was great fun, despite the result. Plugger, it's OK to give credit where it's due, but I respect your choice to be bad loser ;) VC, I assume you didn't make it to Sydney after all? Would've been great to meet you.. And Vinay, you kept count?!? Beers in my fridge whenever you're down this way..
dasilva
Guest
Where is the connection about being a prick and winning? There is none Showing good sport in defeat whilst at the same time be determine to win isn't incompatible You know the saying that apparently is Australian. Play hard but fair. Bust your guts out to win but when the match is over you're still friends with the opposition when it's all over.
dasilva
Guest
or you can be loved by everyone else and win all the time as well They are not mutually exclusive
Betty B
Guest
I've enjoyed your articles too Brett - many thanks. And yes, for all the ripping into our own team, the England team were truly magnificent and will be remembered for years to come in Ashes folklore. Best of luck to Ms and much joy for wee macca.
plugger
Guest
Personally, I'd rather by hated by the English and everyone else for winning all the time. I am a particularly bad loser, and proud of it.
Viscount Crouchback
Guest
Brett, you're a class act. (As, incidentally, are most Australians (I'd say 75%) who have been quite wrongly traduced as bad sports by the English over so many years). Yes, I criticised Australian hubris on another thread, but hubris is a human condition not a solely Australian condition. Indeed, success breeds hubris as a matter of course. The Aussies will adjust and correct and the Ashes will soon be competitive once again. Long live Anglo-Australian sporting rivalry.
plugger
Guest
So, magnamonious platitiudes and polite acceptance of defeat is now the Australian way? That's what happened to our tennis program when we got so cheesy that we sent all our best coaches overseas to teach others how to beat our players and to build surfaces that we couldn't play on. Congratulations Australia on giving up on another sport and loving the opposition to success. Just makes me so proud to be an Aussie.
Briolex
Guest
Thank Brett enjoyed your coverage, For the first time in a while I have become a fan of an English batsman (Cook, after the incomparable Gower). Enjoyed the class and humility of Strauss, Pietersens double hundred, the English pace attack. For me the highlight was back in the first test (let me just check who Swann got out) Yes it was Haddin i remember looking at Swanns reaction how he turned to the Barmy army and raised his arms with a yell of pure delight. This was after the huge partnership put together by Hussey and Haddin. I remember wondering how he could be so happy (at that time i thought England had been batted out of the game). Then i realised crikey they still think they can win this one. They obviously felt that they had Australia's measure. Well done England a performance for the ages. Thanks again Brett and congratulations on your own special time coming up.
Rhys
Guest
Excellent summation of the series Brett, and thanks for your thought provoking articles throughout.
Vinay Verma
Roar Guru
Brett, As a cricket lover it was so refreshing to see England play with poise and purpose. They took this series seriously and played with a common purpose. andy flower and Strauss kept their mouths shut most of the time and let the bat and ball do the talking. australia largely mouthed profanities and inanities and had no answers to the bat and the ball. It was good sharing the press box with you in Brisbane,melbourne and sydney and you can be proud of your first foray into this caper. But I must rtemind you that you owe me at least three beers. Best wishes for the imminent birth and keep well.
jmo
Guest
Our bowlers should sit in on that video session as well. He was consistently leaving anything wide yet we still bowled a lot out there, wasting those (countless) deliveries. They should establish the "edge" between what he leaves and what he plays and keep it on that line, at least don't bowl wider than that, to keep him in two minds... a la ooh ah Glenn McGrath as he was one of the best at doing this. But agree with all above Cook was brilliant so even that might not have worked.
Martin
Guest
Hats off from a long suffering England supporter. It's good to read something of praise that isn't laced with acid.
John
Guest
Classy reply Bayman.
Brett McKay
Expert
Thanks for those words Rickety, really appreciate it..
Bayman
Guest
John, You needn't worry about England receiving due recognition from the Aussies. We have been hammered like never before. You know it and we know it. The great Australian cricket writer Gideon Haigh signed a book for me during the last Test with the words,"With happy memories of Alistair Cook". So rest assured that England's performance has been fully understood and recognised by all who saw it. There were no lucky wins here, just a monumetal belting. Summed up best, as I said in another post, by the Englishman at lunch yesterday who channelled Bill Woodfull from those long ago days of bodyline, "There's two teams out there but only one of them is playing cricket".
Rickety Knees
Roar Guru
Thanks for a great and thoroughly enjoyable coverage. There is a journalistic career there for the taking, should you want it. England were superb and - through gritted teeth - great to watch.