Blame greenhouse gases. Blame pay television. Blame Super League. Blame Ricky Nixon. Blame whoever you must for there is a silent, corrosive epidemic infiltrating Australian sport at its highest level.
No, I’m not talking about James Brayshaw.
I am of course lamenting the loss of great nicknames in Australian sport. Whilst the Aussie dollar has brushed aside competition like Tony Lockett at a Sizzler buffet, are we lagging where it really matters most?
What point is it being the first country to emerge from the global financial crisis if we must trail the global sports community in witty, original nicknames for our sports stars?
All of a sudden Australian sport has got so darn serious, a phenomena that can be traced back to Australia’s world beating 1999 year where we went from spirited battlers to big timers on the world stage. Cricket, union, league, ummm Aussie rules… you name it, we won it!
With this success though came great expectations of our athletes, and slowly but surely the Johnny Raper-type who played hard and partied even harder was being put out to the warm-up oval. They were seen as uncouth, unprofessional and perhaps the biggest sin in modern sport… unmarketable.
This whole nonsense reached a crescendo a couple of years ago when Ricky Ponting’s manager issued a press release stating that his client was now to be referred to only as ‘Rick Ponting’, for future sponsorship opportunities. Rick?
The fans already had a name for Ponting, he was ‘Punter’.
And before him was ’Tugger’. And before him ‘Tubby’. And before him ‘Captain Grumpy’. And before him etc etc.
But I digress.
Of course sports people still have nicknames these days, as do most Australians with lazy friends, it’s just that in years gone past a nickname required more than adding a ‘y’ or an ‘o’ onto someone’s last name. It was something that was clever and funny… something that got the fans down to the ground without talking down to them at the same time.
Maybe I’m living in a panel van commercial but surely it’s much more fun to watch a game of footy between blokes called ‘Sloth’ and ‘Bloodnut’ and ‘the Baby Faced Assassin’ as opposed to ‘’Locky’ and ‘Browny’ and ‘Coops’.
The crying shame of all this is that the U.S, the leading force in both political correctness and sports marketing, openly embraces such obscure monikers for their sporting heroes.
Sit down to watch ESPN any given weekend and you’ll be confronted by ‘The Sheriff’, ‘The Dagger’, ‘L-Train’, ’Chester the Molester(?)’ ‘Big Daddy’ and our very own ‘Bogey man’ Andrew Bogut (who is eternally grateful he didn’t get stuck in the NBL with the lame nickname ‘Boges’).
So, in an effort to inspire our current athletes and raise national moral I have collated a brief list of Australian sports’ greatest nicknames from the past which I would like every Brado, Daveo and Robbo to add to.
The final list will be collected and hand delivered to the Australian Institute of Sport by Trevor ‘Rexona’ Chappell on grand final day.
Sincerely,
Vic ‘Steggles’ Arious.
Phil “Whatsapacketa” Sigsworth
Allan ‘Hurricane lamp” Mckean (i.e. not very bright)
John ‘Nobody’ Eales
Ray ‘Mr Perpetual motion’ Price
Mark ‘Afghanistan’ Waugh
Matthew ‘The Velvet Sledgehammer’ Lloyd
Phil ‘Thousand Bees’ Gould
Nathan “Knotso’ Sharpe
Troy ‘Bunnings’ Selwood
Chris “buddha’ Hanley
Add yours now!
Dave Berryman
Guest
I'm so angry right now!!!
Peter Punter
Guest
Love your work Vic There are a few good ones from the AFL Matthew Bate = Master Graham Johncock = Stiffy Andrew Swallow = Spitz Tyson Goldsack = Moneybags Rory Hilton = Travelodge I got this mate of mine, they call him Hollywood. Because he is the only bloke we know that has to wear double sided tape (Hollywood tape - generally used to keep a women’s breasts from slipping out of a low cut top) to keep his skin from protruding out of his shirt. Why do they call you steggles Vic???
Dave Berryman
Guest
Also loved Barry 'Grasshopper' Gomersal - one of QLD's finest, haha
Dave Berryman
Guest
Good read Steggles. Was always a fan of Allan 'White lightning' Donald however this nickname was recycled years later for Mick 'white lighting' Fanning. hope you don't recycle too much steggles
Rui
Guest
Some Rugby Union nicknames "Fat Cat" Ben Robinson (self explanatory) "Sookface" Berrick Barnes (used to always look like crying when something went wrong) "Gilbert" Kurtley Beale (got hit in the head by a Gilbert rugby ball)
The_Wookie
Roar Guru
Gary "The Far Side" Larson Glen "The Brick with Eyes" lazarus always amused me. Roy and HG were always great, Rex Hunt always good for a colorful player description in the old 3AW days.
RickG
Guest
More from Roy and HG 'The brick with eyes' Glenn Lazarus (very apt!) 'Deborah Kerr' Alan Langer (the 'King and I') Greg 'Dishhead' Dowling (not sure why) Michael 'three knees' Hancock (not sure, he used to wriggle a lot on the grouns)
zach
Guest
Jerker Jenkin. Not sure if he got his name before or after Jezza's mark. Also Wow Jones was allegedly so named because he had a "W" tattooed on each buttock. Gary "Buddha" Hocking actually changed his name to "Whiskas" but that was for money.
katzilla
Roar Guru
I thought it was Korea
Hanzo
Guest
best of the day my friend
BennO
Guest
Nice one thanks for that.
Tom of Brisbane
Guest
Allan Langer was known as ALF because of the TV show popular at the same time. ALF = Alien Life Form. He was referred to as the alien life form from Ipswich.
Tom of Brisbane
Guest
"Waltzing" Matt Hilder from Cronulla/Newcastle is absolutely outstanding
clipper
Guest
I thought it was Dean Waugh who was associated with Afghanistan - being the 'forgotten Waugh'
gb
Guest
"Rocket" Rodd Reddy "Slippery" Steve Morris "Sticks" Kernahan (Carlton) "Lethal" Leigh Matthews Tony "Plugger" Lockett Mark "Shreck" O'Meley
BennO
Guest
I prefer The Bee Sting for gus, rather than thousand bees. Think I read that from Mike Coleman of the Courier mail. Actually he's not too bad for use of nicknames. I agree with the lament, but I don't have too many ideas. I do like Beiber for JOC. Chris Whittaker was called Anthems, cos he only got on the field to sing the anthem while Gregan was playing. Wasn't Darren Smith called the Potato Chip by Roy and HG? Why was Allen Langer called Alf exactly? I always thought The Wolfman for that manly winger is pretty ordinary. I like The Coal Train for Dave Taylor. Did anyone ever come up with something for Mitchell Sargent? His name says he could be a copper, sacked for cocaine use suggests otherwise. Cement Gillespie was a goodun. The Ogre for that bald headed bloke from canterbury was another good one. Willie the w@nker would have worked for me. Money Bill Williams is a good one, probably a bit harsh but a good one. OK sorry, I'll leave it there.
zach
Guest
Mick Nolan "The galloping gasometer" Bruce Doull " The flying doormat"
oikee
Guest
The Axe, Backdoor Benny, Cement, yes all good. And another, the raging bull, and lets not forget who he manhandled, the pretzel. Also Big Bull Bailey.
Chris Chard
Roar Guru
Hi JVGO. Some great additions there! The Baby faced Assassin was Les Boyd, former Wetsern Suburbs and Manly Hardman. I believe the late Peter Frillingos coined the term. Cheers, Vic
Al from ctown
Guest
Spot on suchy... When Roy and hg were at jjj calling the origin.... Ah they were the days..... "and I thank you for just being you"...lol -- Comment left via The Roar's iPhone app. Download The Roar's iPhone App in the App Store here.