The fifteen greatest sporting nicknames

A couple of weeks ago, Roarer Vic Arious lamented the lack of great sporting nicknames in Australia. Combined with a story I wrote this week about two of rugby league’s greatest characters, Rex ‘Moose’ Mossop’ and Mark ‘Piggy’ Riddell, it provoked me into thinking about my favourite sporting nicknames.

Here’s my personal all-time top 15.

Mark ‘Afghanistan’ Waugh
It’s easy to forget now, but before Mark Waugh became a mainstay in the Australian cricket team, he toiled away for NSW without getting a call-up to the national team. At one point, he held the record for most first class runs scored without playing an international match. This was all done while his brother, Steve, was scoring runs and taking wickets for Australia, and generally being hailed a superstar. Hence Mark was coined ‘Afghanistan’. As in, ‘The Forgotten War’…

Mark ‘Junior’ Waugh
Yes, he gets two mentions on the list. Despite being twins, Mark was technically born after Steve, just a few seconds later. And hence earned the nickname ‘Junior’.

‘One Size’ Fitz Hall
What more needs to be said? The English footballer, who plays central defender, has perhaps the best nickname of all time.

Earvin ‘Magic’ Johnson
You have to be pretty talented to pull off the nickname ‘Magic’. But you have to be an all-time great for people to forget that it’s not your actual name. Thankfully for Johnson, he was all that and more, and few nicknames have been more apt.

‘Oswald’ – Brett Lee
For a short time, Brett Lee batted behind Shane Lee and Ian Harvey in the Australian one day team. During this time, whenever captain Steve Waugh read out the players surnames for the batting line-up prior to a game, Brett Lee would be called ‘Oswald’. Think about it…

Due to extenuating circumstances (Shane Lee and Ian Harvey were dropped soon after), the ‘Oswald’ nickname never stuck. Instead Brett earned the less clever moniker of ‘Bing’.

‘SOS’ – Stephen Silvagni
Whilst he went on to be the AFL fullback of the century, Silvagni was originally ‘just’ the son of former Carlton great, Serge Silvagni. Hence SOS, short for ‘Son of Serge’.

‘Duncan Disorderly’ – Duncan Ferguson
With four convictions of assault and jail time on his list of achievements, it’s no wonder the Scottish footballer is often referred to as Duncan Disorderly.

‘The Rawalpindi Express’ – Shoaib Akhtar
He was from Rawalpindi. He was bloody fast. Enough said.

‘Thorpedo’ – Ian Thorpe
What it lacks in creativity, it makes up for in being spot on – he was deadly in the water.

‘Waltzing’ Matt Hilder
Brilliant. If you don’t get it, sing Australia’s unofficial anthem.

Michael ‘Air’ Jordan
This nickname was so appropriate that Nike proceeded to produce a shoe by the same name. In 1985, the first model alone netted US$130 million, and since then, Nike has released a new model each year. Despite Jordan retiring many years ago, the 2010 model retailed for US$170 a pair.

‘Whispering Death’ – Michael Holding
Due to his quiet, soft approach to the bowling crease, umpires couldn’t hear his footsteps when he ran in, and therefore dubbed Holding ‘Whispering Death’. Batsmen feared facing him, with his smooth action and extremely fast release, and universally concurred with the nickname.

‘The Incredible Sulk’ – Nicholas Anelka
Long before the French striker was sent home in disgrace from the 2010 World Cup for arguing with his coach (with a pleasant tirade of: “Go f**k yourself, you filthy son of a bitch”), he earned this nickname for being moody, lackadaisical and, quite obviously, sulking.

Martin ‘Chariots’ Offiah
If you don’t remember the English rugby league winger, all you need to know is that he was fast, and his surname was pronounced ‘of fire’…

‘Anthems’ – Chris Whitaker
The Australian rugby union halfback spent the best part of his career as a back-up to George Gregan. Of course, when you back-up one of the best halfbacks of all time, who also happens to hold the world record for games played, your contribution to the team is generally limited to lining up with your teammates to hear the national anthems being played prior to the match.

For the exact same reasons above, he was also nicknamed ‘Hobo’ – because he didn’t need to shower after games.

Honourable Mentions:
Keith Wood – ‘The Raging Potato’
Eric Esch – ‘Butterbean’
Eldrick ‘Tiger’ Woods
Tony ‘Plugger’ Lockett
Greg Norman – ‘The Great White Shark‘
Phil ‘whatzapacketof’ Sigsworth
Steve ‘Tuggah’ Waugh
Glenn ‘The Brick with Eyes’ Lazarus
Aaron ‘Dresses’ Baddley

Dishonourable Mentions:
Matt ‘Gids’ Gidley
Ryan ‘Girds’ Girdler
Mark ‘Gaz’ Gasnier
Shane ‘Webby’ Webke
Matthew ‘Matty’ Johns
Brett ‘Finchy’ Finch
‘Big’ Mal Meninga
Wendell ‘Dell’ Sailor
Darren ‘Locky’ Lockyer
(It would appear that rugby league players leave their creativity on the field!)

Any there any other great ones?