So some knucklehead in Telecom conjured up the daftest idea to galvanize support behind the All Blacks on the eve of Rugby World Cup 2011.
“Let’s run a promotional campaign calling on all Kiwis to abstain from sex for the duration of the tournament!” he declared.
And the boardroom of knuckleheads cheered, “Of course! That was so obvious. Let’s invoke a sex-ban!”
So on Sunday, Telecom’s ‘Backing Black’ abstinence campaign launches via simultaneous television broadcasts beginning around 8:40pm, meaning this season’s Fear Factor just became the ‘Cringe Factor’.
Am I the only one who doesn’t get it? I can’t join the dots. An abstinence-type campaign better compliments a famine-like scenario. Like feed the hungry.
Speaking of appetites, 65-year-old All Blacks coach Graham Henry clearly has a healthy one. Because even he’s not prepared to come under the dictates of a 45-day sex restriction.
Word has it Henry baulked at the idea when first asked by Telecom to front the campaign. The head coach is said to have fled Telecom’s boardroom table faster than seven All Black wingers vying for two spaces.
Hot on Henry’s heels were Richie McCaw and several other senior players, avoiding implications in a practice that they’re not prepared to preach.
The short straw appears to have been drawn by former All Blacks icon Sean Fitzpatrick, whose manhood stocks have plummeted within hours of his appointment.
But wait, there’s more. Willing participates will adorn a black rubber ring on their finger as a public sign of who’s suffering the self-imposed affliction. Black armbands would be more appropriate to my way of thinking.
Please Telecom, pull the pin and save our country from global embarrassment.
The only people smiling about this development are the Adidas lot. Their overpriced jerseys suddenly appear entirely reasonable in the face of Telecom’s plan to declare New Zealand a shag-free zone for the duration of the pinnacle tournament.
Gosh. Who needs enemies when the NZ Rugby Union has sponsors like Adidas and Telecom.
kiwirugbygirl
Roar Rookie
Yea its a bit of a dumb idea, one that im sure the ABs laughed at. I can 'sort of' understand where the idea may have come from, in that its a commonly held belief in sports that athletes should not have sex prior to competition as it zaps energy... It was probably only a bit of fun anyway, I didn't really have that much of a problem with it - I think the canning of it had more to do with Kiwi's being so bloody conservative rather than your article Kings. :)
Emric
Guest
Warren We realize you are from Australia, but you do live in New Zealand, and you had enough taste to marry a New Zealand girl. Can you please try to show a little bit of culture?
warrenexpatinnz
Roar Guru
Awww buddy, no more jokes about any ads to do with ABs as must be getting ewe down.
Chuck
Guest
What an insecure and immature person you are Warren, stop trying to be funny and talk about the rugby
Rusty
Roar Guru
HAHAHA
warrenexpatinnz
Roar Guru
:) .
mds1970
Roar Guru
Don't #### with the All Blacks.
Nick_KIA
Guest
Cr@p I didn't realise this thing was supposed to go on my finger! Where are the scissors!?
KingsofCommentary
Roar Guru
For your info, Telecom dumped the nutty campaign the day after I submitted this article ;-)
Ralph
Guest
Got all the media going like nothing else.. heh heh
warrenexpatinnz
Roar Guru
Any comments Chuck? Too busy trying to return the black ring eh :) .
Gary Russell-Sharam
Guest
Absolutely ridiculous, trust some pimply faced straight out of Uni advertising guru (who probably would struggle to get laid anyway for the duration of two WC) to think of this absurd stupidity. Real men don't abstain. I would suppose that it would not be wise to sing bar bar black sheep around any kiwi near the end of the WC campaign.