France (right) and New Zealand All Blacks scrum during the 2011 Rugby World Cup. AAP Image/AFP, Franck Fife
You know what, bugger it, I’m going for France. I’m taking my bat and my ball and I’m bailing out snail-side for the world cup final. I know they won’t win; not a ewe’s chance at a Dunedin B&S, but I’ll be buggered if I’ll just float along with the rest of the crowd and support New Zealand.
I don’t want to be like everyone else at the World Cup. That’s just not my bag, not how I roll.
I’m a goat, me.
Standing with my little goat chest all puffed out on top of Mount Solo with the winds of rage gently swaying my giant goat bollocks back and forward like a hairy pendulum of obstinacy.
But seriously, I don’t want to be like everyone else at this World Cup.
I certainly don’t want to be like the English team who took the Benny Hill approach to this world cup and were subsequently bundled out with as little grace as they trundled in. And I don’t want to be like the South Africans who were shamed by a vocal minority that blamed Bryce Lawrence for their exit in the quarter finals.
I don’t want to be like the Welsh who despite not beating a Tri Nations team for what, three years, convinced themselves that after a little razzle-dazzle their forced removal from the world cup somehow devalued it. More front than Brighton.
And I’m not sure I want to be like the Wallabies either.
There’s nothing wrong with getting blown out of town by the All Blacks in a world cup semi final. I’m not whingeing about that but I’m just not sure I like this wallaby team. I mean I like the Reds players; they’ve got the runs on the board – they played some great rugby this year.
And most of the Waratahs were pretty good too – in patches. The Force guys did OK given what they’ve got and so did the Rebels. Can’t say the same for the Brumbies but …
The Wallabies were just not greater than the sum of their parts.
Without discrimination, without personal vendetta, without appeal to hindsight or lack of sobriety I just don’t reckon Robbie Deans has done a great job as Wallaby coach.
That is just my bare goat-arsed opinion which has been, unlike his Wallabies, consistent and although I’m not pushing the line that he has become a bad coach, I think his performance has been below what he would have expected.
I base this on three key issues; our scrum problems have not been resolved, we don’t seem to play to an identifiable plan and, as mentioned, we have developed a capacity for inconsistency that is almost, well, French.
We haven’t stolen this albatross from their necks as the French are still as flaky as they’ve ever been but then, to be fair, their current team is carrying a genuinely awful coach.
Just like Australia, France lost to a lesser team in the pool rounds and, just like Australia, they have not been able to demonstrate a consistent and obviously planned strategy in any of their matches.
They have a better centre combination than Australia and, in Maxime Medard and Vincent Clerc, they have backs every bit as potent as Australia’s much hyped (over hyped?) young guns.
The big difference is in the forwards where, should they be struck by a fit of composure, the French can stand shoulder to shoulder with any pack in the world, including New Zealand’s.
You can go on and on about who deserves what and how much an All Black victory would mean to the people of Christchurch.
You can point to the immense games of Brad Thorn and Richie McCaw in their defeat of the Wallabies and how, after 24 years, its the time, its the place, it’s the vibe, it’s the constitution, it’s Mabo …
You go do that. I’m going to stand here with the wind on my balls, la Marsaillaise on my lips and I’m going to hope like hell for some magic on the weekend.
Crazy French goat magic.
guinness14
Guest
I am sick of people saying we have won already, it's not over till the fat lady sings. Kiwi fruit runs through my veins, and i have not come across alot of nzer's who brag and show off, it's not the kiwi thing to do. I will leave that to the Aussies who are good at boosting and blowing their trumpet. Not going to continue ranting. Go the AB's.
guinness14
Guest
Yeah I am more on edge now than the semi final against the Wallabies. I am sure our AB's are on edge too. I would like them to take this out for the fans, nz and especially for DC, Mils who are out of this team because of injury. For brad Thorrn, the war horse, Mealamu and all our wonderful players that are leaving our shores. Now they can go overseas, play rugby and enjoy it without having this massive amount of pressure that we the fans and the world have placed on their shoulders. I for one have enjoyed the roller coaster ride with these guys. Good luck. Love the AB's.
guinness14
Guest
Jumpers just have to say I have not seen or heard that comment you EGG in a long time. That cracked me up, thanks.hehehe.
guinness14
Guest
Jokerman, thats the word I was looking for, Drop Kick, the word is jealous.
guinness14
Guest
these AB's are not arrogant you dork, they are men for goodness sake and have worked hard for a long time to be where they are right now. so just put your hatetred for the AB's aside.
the other Steve - and AB fan
Guest
and cheese
Sage
Guest
That was a cracker read Garth. One of the best for a while, well done mate. I might join you and have my little goat chest all puffed out on Sunday too. Allez les blues !!!!!!
Jokerman
Guest
Garth, I think they call it envy, or jealousy. You want what you desire, that someone else has, taken away. Sorry it's not going to happen. Go The All Blacks!!!!!!
dc
Guest
I believe NZ will look to score early. Take control of the game and snuff out the fantastic frog spirit. I would not want to go in the sheds with a narrow lead because inexplicably they can spring a surprise from nothing. the battle with Dusatoir, Bonnaire and Harinordaquay should be immense.....I think Richie, Jerome and Read have been building for this moment!
Parisien
Guest
Thanks Dublin Dave for a great post and being one of the few who believe that there will be due merit if the French do get up on Sunday. It would be the mother of all upsets and make 1999 and 2007 look like warm-ups!
Timnaik
Guest
This could turn out to be one of the best finals (if both teams are competing at the same level of high class rugby) or it could turn into a great big lemon for the French. The way the French have performed all tournament I'm anticipating something similar to the NZ-Argentina quarter-final. NZ will have some rough patches but should negotiate them reasonably well to break away in sometime in the second half (between the 55th and 75th minute - in this block the game will be won emphatically or we'll be in for a nerve-wrecking final five minutes). If it's a close, taut affair from opening whistle to fulltime siren expect the oxygen levels in the Auckland CBD to be diminished as the sea of Black fans take a collective deep breath and hold it for 300 seconds of hell. Or the French could just as easily fold in the first half and blow the match meaning the bars will run dry as before that full time whistle. Can't wait for this final to get going. Peace everybody.
ScotandProud
Guest
All Blacks pack the better unit if not better as individuals in the tight five - Kaino the difference between the backrows and the two packs as a whole. Mermoz is a Rolls Royce of a centre but I see Nonu getting the upper hand there, for one thing he's just too big. Cruden and Parra are an interesting match up i think the French will try and get to Cruden early doors just like the Wallabies didn't. Across the rest of the back line the ABs are superior as individuals and combinations.I thought Conrad Smith was a key player in the pool match and foresee him doing the same graft to enable his classy team mates to take full advantage. The difference between 99 and 07 is that the French went into those matches thinking they were about to be destroyed unless they did something unbelievable. This French team are thinking maybe if we turn up and we do ziss and zen we do ziss who knows? I know: they are going to get a massive tonking. They have a CHANCE just like every combination of 15 human beings with their backs to the wall has the slimmest of chances but their problem is they think they have a "guardian angel" "perhaps it was written" and on the basis of this juvenile attitude they might squeak it. France are my second favourite team usually but these guys are about to get a hiding.
Cattledog
Roar Guru
:)
Warren
Guest
Top class DD!!!
Cattledog
Roar Guru
Perhaps, but sometimes the truth hurts ;)
Chuck
Guest
I've played rugby since I was 6 years old and still playing now senior reserves and never in my life have I ever heard the forwards been refered to as cattle. Like I said above it is the most stupid term I have ever heard to refer to players.
The Cattery
Roar Guru
...maybe, but he's definitely sur le ballon
Dublin Dave
Guest
Really Cattledog, that's a bit "sous la ceinture".
Jonny G
Guest
The French are the inventors of organised chaos
Jonny G
Guest
not as rubbish as pretty much every single one of your comments