I am, as a rule, something of a stickler for sporting patriotism. I do not stand for those who claim to be “Australian sports fans,” yet do not support Australian sports teams.
I have no truck with the “wouldn’t it be good for the game” brigade, who trundle through various sports whining about how it would be good for the game if their own country was to lose.
“Wouldn’t it be good for the game if the Kiwis knocked off the Kangaroos?” they’ll say.
“Wouldn’t it be good for the game if Australia stopped crushing these helpless losers inside three days?,” they used to say back when Australia ruled the cricket world.
“Wouldn’t it be good for the game if we were a bunch of feeble-minded little traitors?”
No, I am absolutely steadfast in my conviction that such people are not true Australian fans. They may be fans of something, but it’s not Australian cricket, or rugby league, or hockey, or whatever sport they choose to infect with their weak-kneed “sporting spirit”.
I have never, ever, ever, ever, EVER, wanted Australia to lose a cricket match.
I have never wished to see an era of Australian sporting dominance come to an end. I have never put the so-called “good of the game” ahead of cheering for MY team. Anything else I would consider utter madness.
Australian victory simply makes me hungry for more.
Watching other nations brought to their knees merely causes me to thirst for the sight of an Australian boot slamming into their faces.
So, given this dogmatic insistence that Australia is who I barrack for, and always will be, why is it that my reaction to the Australian “International Rules” team’s rather embarrassing defeat to the Irish on the weekend was, to put it bluntly, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”?
It seems a woeful inconsistency and an inexplicable crack in my pro-Australian façade.
And yet there it is – the “International Rules” team is the only Australian team I always want to lose. How to explain this?
Well, I think the first reason is that “International Rules” is, let’s be honest, not really a sport.
Think about a sport. Think about, say, cricket. When Australia plays cricket, where does it get its players?
Well, it takes its players from the best of those playing in the domestic state competition. And they get theirs from the best of those playing in the various local and district competitions.
And those players are taken from the players who catch the eye as they rise through the ranks of junior and club cricket, all the way down to the little nippers waving bats bigger than themselves.
And throughout this grassroots-to-elite process, at every level – and this is a very important point – the players are playing cricket. To cut a long story short, the Australian cricket team chooses its players from among cricketers.
And likewise, the Wallabies choose their team from among rugby players. The Opals from among basketballers. The Davis Cup team from among tennis players.
See the pattern?
And so we come to the “International Rules” team. Do they select their players from the elite in the domestic “International Rules” competitions? No they do not.
Because there isn’t any. The Australian “International Rules” team is made up of players who have proven their worth in a different sport altogether!
And they expect us to take it seriously! There’s no grassroots, there’s no junior league, there’s no state league, there’s no grade competition. “International Rules” is a game played for two games per year, by top-class performers in a different game.
And not even the BEST performers.
Because the AFL realised a while ago that Aussie Rules and “International Rules” were in fact different games, they don’t even pick the best-performed AFL stars for the IR team – they pick those who they predict will be best at the hybrid game.
But if we’re to take this seriously, why would we restrict selection to the AFL?
If we’ve actually decided it’s a “proper” sport that we want to win, and not just a sad attempt to make AFL look international, why don’t we actually try to pick the best team, by looking at all sports?
Why not pick Mark Schwarzer as goalkeeper? Why not throw a few more Socceroos in for their superior control of the round ball? Why not scour the rugby codes for powerful ball-runners and skilled round-the-corner kickers? Why not check out track and field to gain the most athletic and fleet of foot?
Why not? Well, we bloody know why not, don’t we?
But more than that, is the fact that the Australian team always comes off as such a bunch of bullies.
Big, gym-inflated, full-time professional athletes, super-fit pampered millionaires, going up against a bunch of accountants and shop assistants who play only part-time. Massive, muscly, battle-hardened experts in the art of physical contact, crashing into skinny little Irishmen who back home don’t even have tackling in their game.
Skinny Irishmen who don’t have marking either, yet are suddenly expected to compete in the air against these pros who not only do have marking, but who are also freaking giants by comparison.
Next to the size, strength, fitness and violence advantages, the piddling matter of a different-shaped ball pales.
And the Aussies play like bullies. They bash and crash and thump and bump and brawl to their heart’s content because they know they can, and they know the game doesn’t really matter.
And yeah, Steve Waugh’s team, say, could act like bullies too. But at least they acted like bullies because they were eleven international cricketers who were clearly better than eleven other international cricketers. If cricket had “International Rules”, it would involve the Australian Twenty20 team playing baseball against Fiji and then leaping around like they won the world cup every time they hit a home run.
And so what “International Rules” means to me as a passionate Australian sports-lover is a bunch of pumped-up bullies kicking sand in a 95-pound weakling’s face, in a sport with as much credibility as actual sand-kicking.
And I just can’t be doing with all that.
I’m so rock-solid behind any Australian sports team. But this ain’t an Australian sports team. This is just silly. Screw “International Rules”, and screw the Australian team. With any luck the Irish will rip ‘em a new one again this weekend.
Chris B
Guest
Well back in the days of dominance under Waugh & co I often hoped for other teams to beat Aus in cricket. I often hope England or NZ can beat us IN RL. Does this mean i'm a disloyal Aussie fan? Maybe - but what it also means is that, first and foremost, i'm a 'cricket fan', and that is more important than being an Australian cricket fan'. If one team is to dominant in a sport fro too long it is unhealthy - look at RL where old test-based traditions have been sublimated to that stupid State of Origin crap for many of the thicker fans unaware of the history. The great Aussie leg-spinner Arthur Mailey once said, when criticised for coaching young English spinners that "spin bowling is an art, and therefore international" My sentiments entirely
BigAl
Guest
Anyone in the mens apparel industry could tell you that Navy is THE colour that consistently rates at or near the top in popularity/fashion - and has for generations. I daresay this could well have been part of why it was selected. But . . . feel free to get about in whatever takes your fancy !
Al
Guest
Why? And to what?
Al
Guest
Ever watch Stoke City or Sam Allardyce's teams, or any scandanavian or Northern European side? Big, tall lads that would have no problem overpowering the Irish in the air with or without the use of hands.
The Cattery
Roar Guru
Rexona Challenge??? pfft get out on a realy athletics track and see how your footballers go
Reason
Guest
AFL fans get a bit stressed when the players who they are constantly told by the southern media are the best athletes in the world are smashed all over the place when exposed to competition from athletes from other sports (eg, Rexona Challenge), or in this case, farm hands and IT professionals from the other side of the world.
Reason
Guest
The AFL would sell the eldest child of every one of its fans to get even the tiny international presence that Rugby League enjoys. They don't bother because they know that no one outside of a couple of Melbourne suburbs plus the wasteland states of one (1) small country believe it's worth watching.
Bondy
Guest
Stabpass, i didn't really mind the game that much i watch that but not your game, in winter i go to league and unoin stick with it mate it's not that bad .
Bondy
Guest
Stabpass, you miss the point if there is a rule that says you dont have to pick the ball up we would just continue to keep playing our football on the ground and if putting the ball in the back of the net is the ultimate well whats new for us .Stabpass the scoreline would embarassingly in our favour we shoot at a net for a living just like them . By creating space we can dodge the physical stuff against the irish .
Bondy
Guest
Stabpass, but when you look at it as soon as you start picking a ball up ( anyball) both the ball and the player can be arrested of posseion, we are only really allowed to use our feet /legs to really win posseion back .
p.Tah
Guest
Cat, that's actually what is beginning to happen, but still a way to go.
p.Tah
Guest
Football is a metaphor for life, Thank you! Finally, now I have worked out who that guy in my lounge room with the whistle is. :)
KS
Guest
I love my AFL, but do not care for International Rules. AFL is played on a round field, IR is played on a rectangular field AFL is played with an egg shaped ball, IR is played with a round ball And the scoring is completely different. I find IR to be confusing so I don't really watch it. I'd rather International Rules either be scrapped or turned into an AFL match. Because this current IR game looks foreign to me, but this is probably what they play in Ireland so maybe it's an advantage to them ? If IR were the exact same as AFL (same rules, same field, same scores, same ball etc) then that will be fine. However... regardless of what sport Australia is playing, I will support them no matter what. But for now, no more IR. I am happy with my AFL, thanks.
Ben Pobjie
Expert
Rather surprised that people think this article was having a go at the AFL. I love Aussie Rules - I just don't like "International Rules".
Bobby Dazzler
Guest
Back in the 80s, Australia wore gold guernseys with green shorts... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjubFv2Jvf4
Pataphysicsofsimulacra
Guest
Soccer has taken a similar journey outside its original domains in Britain, and with the equal balance of influence between IFAB (the british unions) and FIFA (the rest of the world) the British have made sure that the development of their sport has been in their control. Your Australian game could in like manner spread overseas with the originators still keeping control of the rules. About the branding of the game: It's inevitable that the sport would be adapted to different cultures, just like soccer. How many people in the world see soccer as British? The main thing is that the Brits still feel their sport is British, and at the same time the Brazilians feel soccer is Brazilian, and the Italians experience the sport as Itailian. Just because Australian Rules would spread over the face of the earth doesn't mean the game will feel less Australian. Just spread the joy!
Republican
Guest
Lachlan I would hope our game is never compromised in this process. My fear is that it will be and those i.e yourself who would advocate internationalizing the indigenous code must be prepared to live with that distinct possibility. This will be dependent on what model for growth is used especially in regionally. I have often mentioned one thin edge of the wedge scenario, which is the NZ one and the most significant one for our code in my opinion. NZers have made it quite clear that in order to entertain our code infiltrating their sporting culture, the first concession would be it's branding. This would have to compromised by excluding any reference to Australia. It also must be realized that any Australian Footy presence in NZ would involve artificial insemination from the ground up. NZ of course are a global exception in this respect of taking exception to the codes branding, however my point here is that Australians stand to lose total control and governance as the games custodians, in maintaining any cultural heritage once you start appeasing other cultures so that they embrace some of yours. This is very different scenario to the Base Ball one in Oz as an analogy. This game has been played in Australia for yonks yet has never been compromised in that process and is still accepted as the national game of the USA. This game has grown modestly, sporting a niche following that have an affinity for the game. The NBL have never aggressively set out to colonize this country with their American brand and if they did they would never compromise their great game to appease us to this end. How much are we willing to compromise, simply to see the indigenous code appear more international?
The Cattery
Roar Guru
Great logic, and I quote: "Yes it is actually Rugby you idiot, hence the name ”Rugby” sevens." Thank you for enunciating my argument even better than I was able to. But according to the purity of sport idea that is conveyed in this piece: kids are playing Rugby Sevens from a young age, and go through the ranks playing Rugby Sevens, then join clubs playing Rugby Sevens, and then graduate from there to represent their country playing Rugby Sevens. Fact or Fantasy?
Lachlan
Roar Guru
Personally i like the series and i would like to see it continue. I cant see other teams being introduced, because simply it just wouldn't work, It's a game that links the Irish game and the australian games. In the future i would like to see an australian team competing against international teams in our game, which is growing rapidly.
Kasey
Guest
TC there is a theory as to why football is so popular around the world in that it accurately reflects real life as the fans see it. Sometimes the best team doesn't win, cos life, like sport can be bloody unfair. Sometimes there just isn't a winner and sometimes the team that does win had an unfair advantage(privileged background perhaps, better education, the right connections in life) or got away with something a bit suss( A sweetheart deal from the judge, cos you're from a fine upstanding family?). If you accept football for what it is, it can be a very accurate metaphor for life, which means of course that it shouldn't stand still and can still be improved to make it more equitable IMO.