Do not, I pray, get me wrong. I am a great admirer of Shane Warne. He has given me years of pleasure. I remember the Gatting ball vividly. I remember, too, his coming-of-age the previous summer, when he ran through the Windies on the MCG.
I can see now, clear as the day it happened, the flipper that scudded deviously through Richie Richardson, leaving him baffled as to what happened to his stumps.
I remember his hat-trick in 94-95.
I remember him bowling about half a mile outside leg-stump and screwing the ball back insanely behind Pat Symcox. I remember him winning a World Cup. I remember him crushing batsman after batsman’s spirit.
I remember him heaving a sputtering team onto his creaking shoulders and carrying it, on his own, oh-so-close to glory in the 2005 Ashes. I remember a colossus of sport who fully deserves his place in a pantheon occupied by only the very greatest of performers.
And yes, I remember a bit of a tosser, but even if I never found him very likeable, and in general preferred the wine-quaffing, book-reading, short-fused personality of Stuart MacGill, and wished his extravagant leggies could have had a better run, I bowed to Warne as a bowler of astonishing talents.
In his pomp there was not a spinner in the world who could dream of matching him.
So yes, Warne was magnificent, so the obvious conclusion to draw is that it would be wonderful for him to come back. Wouldn’t it be great, in fact, if Warnie could just keep going and going, forever?
Well, yes, it would … but then again, it wouldn’t.
I’d love to see Warne bowl forever, but the Warne I want to see bowl forever is the Warne of about 1995.
The fresh prince of leg-spin, who made the ball buzz with the snap of his wrist, and bullied batsmen every bit as fiercely as the most menacing of quicks. The Warne of 1999 would do too, and the Warne of 2005 would still be a treat.
But the 2011 Warne, frankly, I am happy to see remain in retirement.
I’m happy for him to remain a civilian, going to parties and hob-nobbing with elites and satisfying Liz Hurley’s physical and emotional needs. I’m happy for him to keep playing cards and telling us how great it is to have hair. He seems to have found a nice, happy, relaxing place in his life, and I’ve found a nice, happy, relaxing place in mine, too – at least the part of my life that concerns itself with Shane Warne.
We are both happy, Shane – why risk something this great?
It’s not like we really need him to come back. Twenty20 is a unique beast – you either think it’s a great night out, or you think it’s the greatest abomination to be visited upon the cricket world since Alan Mullally.
The addition of an ageing Warne may add a certain curiosity factor, but it’s not going to make or break the new Big Bash league.
In fact, it’ll just turn it into a freakshow, so that administrators will, once Warne goes, will have to sustain it through ever-more outlandish gimmicks, like bringing back David Boon or making every team include at least three amputees.
And what benefit will it bring us, really?
Either Warne will come in and bowl like an oversexed retired 42-year-old, and be smeared all over the nation’s cricket grounds like blond Nutella, or he’ll come in and tear through opponents, which will simply prove that Australian cricket is in a dire state and depress all of us no end.
It’s lose-lose for the Australian public, and frankly, it’s lose-lose for Shane, since every minute spent on the field is a minute not spent touching the intimate areas of famous British model/actresses.
No, we don’t need it. I don’t need it.
I have no desire to see that weirdly slimmed-down old body haul itself into the fray once more. I don’t want to see those bizarre sculpted eyebrows setting fields. I don’t want to umpires confronted by bellowed appeals emanating from a bright orange expanse of shiny leather held tightly in place by alligator clips at the back of the head.
It’s too late, Shane. You made your choice, and your choice was to be an over-groomed society dandy. And that’s a good choice. That’s a noble calling. I wish you all the best in it. But we don’t need you playing cricket anymore.
Australian cricket is having its travails, but it needs to move on, and so do you. Don’t feel bad.
All the greats eventually face that day when they know their days in the sun are over. Bradman went through it. Lillee went through it. Peter Sleep went through it. You have to go through it too.
Take a deep breath, Warnie, and stay away. No good can come of this. And frankly I’m not sure your face can withstand any sort of vigorous exercise.
Bayman
Guest
BigAl, No problems - and like you I await with interest.
dansportzblog
Guest
I'm undecided about Warnie in the Big Bash. One one hand I'd like to see him roll back the years and make the ball dance down the wicket bambuzeling opposition batters. But I doubt he will be able to. I just hope that he doesn't get smashed around the ground, and eventually tarnishing the legacy of Warnie. I am sure he will fill the stands, and is a great ploy by the Big Bash to bring him back. Just hope its not at his expense. I'm also a little concerned at the state of Australian Cricket, and sport in this country in general. We seem to bringing a lot of people out of retirement to play again. But how is that helping the development of the next generation of athletes? We need to move on and work on our youths, to hopefully get back where we deserve to be, at the top of the ICC Test rankings.
bozo
Guest
Needs the money to pay for all the cosmetic work.
Ian Whitchurch
Guest
Brett, Much as I hate IPL, I've googled some of his IPL perfomances. He's very capable of four devestating overs a day.
Daniels
Guest
furter comment, i have always thought that warney should be at least a coach of the team on a part time basis, or better yet a selector.
Daniels
Guest
I dont see it relly as a big issue, he aint taking the spot of some youngster in sheffild shield. 20/20 was always going to allow older cricketers to continue on in an advanced age. He also has never spent too long away from cricket, with many stints in the IPL as one example. The whole thing about him losing weight is kind of harsh. On the AFL footy show, i do remember a coment about the photos being shopped, and can tell you for a fact, he dont look like those photos everybody talks about in real life. (honestly though, i can't rule out botox)
BigAl
Guest
Bayman - my link to your post was basically because of your last point re. the age of other players.. My reference to 'venom' & Liz Hurley were more to do with the general tone of responses, not with your particular post - my apologies for any offense. At the end of the day we will all just have to wait and see how it all pans out for Warne - as is the case for the whole BigBash concept !!
Bayman
Guest
Al, What venom? I prefer my sport to be sport. If I want "entertainment" I'll watch a movie. Warne's "comeback" is a pointless exercise from a sporting point of view. If the Victorians want him to put bums on seats then I presume money is more important to them than winning. Warne may still prefer to win but, at 42, his days are over. I agree there have been plenty of guys play on at an older age than Warne but none of them took five years off first (no, I don't count a few warm up spells to get ready for IPL). I've enjoyed Warne's bowling as much as the next guy but Warnie playing in the Big Bash is not a step forward for Australian cricket. It may, however, tell us all we need to know about the significance of T20 cricket in the market place. That's another argument altogether. I'm perfectly happy for Warne to enjoy himself, I don't feel annoyance or envy, and I don't recall picking on Liz Hurley. I just wonder about Warne's motivation to play the Big Bash? As I said, what is the point?
Bayman
Guest
Brett, Re Liz, I take your point. As for running amok I have my doubts.....which is not to say he will probably be at least as good as the next spinner out there.
sheek
Guest
Ben, terrific piece, thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Very impressed with your cricket memory & recall, very impressed. Ahhh Peter Sleep, a great disappointment to many of us. Had the makings of a great all-rounder, but came up short, both with his batting & his leggies.....
BigAl
Guest
Yes, I was thinking - why all the venom ? There have been plenty of cricketers older than Warne still playing at the top level; he is the greatest spinner of all time; when last seen in action he was still right up there with the best and it's T20 cricket purposely built to display a great dose of gloss and glam ( not his fault T20 is here ). I think a lot of the nay sayers are just old grouches who get annoyed at seeing people like Shane Warne STILL enjoying, and getting the maximum out of their life !! p.s. why pick on his lady friend about all this ?
manalien
Roar Pro
As a proud Pom, watching Warne destroy our batting line over and over while i was growing up was painful on one hand, but on the other you came to like the guy. A true Larrikin, a guy with immense talent, that made everyone believe that they could make it. I still have a slightly deformed ring finger on my left hand from the endless summers trying to bowl leggies in the nets as a schoolboy...and it is all his fault.... Watching the press conference made me wretch....the Warnie I learned to love seems to have been replaced by a drag queen. Clearly his priorities are now purely with self publicity and that is a crying shame. I completely agree that his comeback is a farce and serves to benefit nobody....Sure ticket sales for the big bash may go up initially, but are those extra tickets going to youngsters who are the fuiture of cricket or to people here to see crickets equivalent of the bearded lady? Or maybe catch a glimpse of Liz? Please Shane, do us all a favour and keep your involvement in cricket to commentary and mentoring aspiring spinners....
Brett McKay
Expert
Bayman, I think Warnie's been showing Liz what he used to do for some time now... ;-) And for what it's worth, my fear about his comeback isn't that it might be a train wreck. It's that he might run amok...
Bayman
Guest
I must say that in that green Big Bash shirt he reminded me of something out of Star Trek. It occurred to me, immediately after, that was probably not a good thing. Comebacks, in my experience, have rarely been a good idea. Most guys retired once for a reason - and it was usually a good reason. Sure the old competitive juices may still flow but the smart ones stay in the grandstand. Perhaps they become coaches but they rarely become players again and those that do invariably fall short of their own, and others, expectations. Warnie, presumably, does not need the money. Perhaps he still thinks he's got something to offer and four overs of T20 is probably about his limit these days. Perhaps he's trying to show Liz what he used to do. After all, watching videos of past triumphs can only go so far. Still, like the rest of the cricketing public, I will be fascinated to see how Warne goes in his return to the big stage. My fear is it will look like that inevitable train crash - you know it's going to happen but you can't take your eyes off it. Like everyone else, I await with interest. On the upside, Blackie and Ironmonger, two other Victorian spinners made their Test debuts at age 46. By comparison, Warne is only a boy!
stabpass
Guest
Spot on, and i would agree that he is our greatest cricketer since Bradman.
JamesP
Guest
What a ridiculous piece. You lost me when you said you prferred McGill over Warnie. With that attitude, its clear that you are not a true Warne fan at all, and all the puff at the beginning of your article was just hot air. The facts are that Warnie retired from Internation test cricket whilst still on top of his game. This was evident when he played in the IPL where his form was quite stunning. The facts are he will put bums on seats and will continue to play a role in developing and nurturing our young spinners going through. The facts are that he is our greatest cricketer since Bradman, and one of the best sports stars this country has ever produced, and deserves better from the likes of you.
JrodMac92
Roar Rookie
good thing i chose the renegades :D
WoobliesFan
Guest
and learn some amazing mobile phone skills in the process
stabpass
Guest
Very harsh on Warnie, i did see him interviewed a month ago, where he denied having surgery, and explained that the photo of him with a funny head/small body was photoshopped (? spelling) by a magazine, he sure as hell did not look like that in the TV intereview. He could make more in India, so does not need the Australian gig, have yet to read a positive article by you about anything. And he was AFAIAC the most likable Australian cricketer in a long time, far more than the wine sipping, private school nong Macgill.
Sean
Guest
At the end of the day it is only 20/20, it's not like he is keeping a young spinner out of the Shield or one-day team! And 20/20 is about entertainment and crowds and Warne will help with both of those!