What gets you out of bed in the morning? Which cause motivates you, kick-starts your heart and churns your belly juices?
Which issue would you take to the streets to demand change? What is it that you would rather avoid talking about with your friends over too many drinks for fear that it could end badly?
For those of us lucky enough to live in these divided states of Australia, late-night political and religious discussions aren’t likely to end in bloodshed or long grudges.
Even so most of us choose not to ‘go there’. It’s just not polite and worst of all, it’s boring.
However there is one topic that sets a certain type of mind to steely resolve and certitude, a certain type of tongue to shrill and heated insult, a certain type of eye to red-misted misperception and a certain finger to raise and point resolutely skyward.
Code wars, apparently.
League versus union; NRL versus AFL, AFL versus soccer, marbles versus tiddlywinks, sliding down a slippery slide on your bum versus on your tummy.
Certain words should never be allowed to go to seed. War should not be so easily diluted.
War used to encapsulate mass death, senseless or noble struggle, the ugly contest of political ideas and religions, the overthrow or ascension of tyrants and the ultimate futility of historical lessons ignored.
Now, it’s just another word for whenever any kind of disagreement or contest is afoot: ‘war on drugs’, ‘Queensland v NSW – It’s War!’, ‘warring factions’ and most pitifully of all, this alleged ‘code war’.
A code ‘war’, is it? On which actual war should we model this entirely media-driven sideshow?
Reading and listening to the vested Sydney types, their code war is of the outgunned and microbiologically vulnerable Aztecs, lying innocent and beautiful, while greedy, alien Conquistadors from over the border seek to lay them waste and reduce the NRL to the status of a minor in their own lands.
Self-styled, they are the brave British during the Blitz, staying stiff-upper-lipped and staunch while predatory AFL bombers darken the skies above.
Choose a stance for an article. Do you want to characterize AFL’s forays northwards as a massive wasted effort which will one day be repaid in kind, like Hannibal’s trip over the mountains?
Or perhaps you’ll borrow the mocking tone of those who weren’t convinced at Bush Jr’s 2003 appearance on the USS Abraham Lincoln, prematurely declaring “mission accomplished”.
You could try to capture the essence of Churchill’s “We Shall Fight Them on the Beaches”. Are there beaches in Western Sydney?
Looking the other way, perception still utterly vanquished by the fog of this phony war, we are sometimes led to believe that the NRL is a feral old enemy on its last legs ready to be brought to heel by the righteous.
The Holy Land that is Australia’s most populous city is ready to be opened up once again to missionaries of the true faith. This, finally, is a crusade that can and will be won!
Sometimes the NRL is painted as a stoic and implacable foe, inferior in every way but ultimately unconquerable.
The many failed invasions of Afghanistan convey the same image. More optimistic pieces sneer at the feeble, imported game; somehow this brings to mind the Falklands.
The NRL pathetically launches its Steedens at the AFL’s fleet, parked miles out of range, which in turn mercilessly pounds the NRL’s coast with deadly-accurate Sherrins.
More likely, the NRL is almost completely ignored in the southern media and it is thus starved of the oxygen of publicity.
One might compare such an information black hole to both sides’ use of propaganda during the Cold War.
Best of all is the image I get when soccer-aligned scribes fire up and write as though the round-ball code has an A-Bomb they’ll drop and wipe out all the other codes any minute… wait for it… any minute now…
If you think all of the above is complete nonsense I applaud your good sense.
These unit-shifting screeds we see every day demand that we pick a side in a wholly manufactured ‘war’.
Left to their own devices, followers of any code are happy enough to decide for themselves what they’d like to be a part of.
This simply will not do. Those who claim to be fans of multiple codes are denounced as traitors by all when in fact they are more like refugees.
It’s the fans who are most blameworthy. So eager are we to march behind the banner of our preferred variation of football.
The papers are the pipers, the fans are the goose-stepping troops – stepping along blindly in time with the tune. Every day we all grow a little angrier and more entrenched in our hatred of the Other.
We repeat lines fed to us by a predatory media as though these printed opinions were smart bombs of unerring accuracy and infinite potency and as though any of it matters.
It’s all completely contrived; it’s a waste of valuable energy and it can be fun.
I’m as guilty of getting caught up in it as anyone. In fact I sometimes suspect it’s the fans who provide the grist for this particular mill.
Rather than our parroting the media’s opinion of the Other, is it possible that the brokers of this ‘code war’ trawl our forums and blogs, gauge the mood, steal the best lines and feed it all back to us?
As the Doug Anthony All-Stars sang, “Extra! Extra! Read all about shit!”.
What can one do about it except write pompous, long articles?
This weekend I’ll be watching every NRL match and making absolutely sure I don’t accidentally flick to the AFL, for fear of giving them a head to count in the ratings “war”.
I am a good soldier.
The High Shot
Roar Pro
A good read on this subject: http://www.theroar.com.au/2012/06/28/why-no-one-can-win-code-war/#comment-951364
D Maaga
Roar Rookie
as a kiwi im sure they will welcome afl with open arms.
D Maaga
Roar Rookie
AFL Queensland has grown over the past decade to a full time staff of 100, operates offices in ten regional centres from Cape York to Northern NSW and has achieved over 400 percent growth in participation with over 133,000 registered participants in 2011. http://www.sportsnewsfirst.com.au/articles/2012/03/06/conlan-is-new-queensland-afl-boss/
D Maaga
Roar Rookie
there are more players and participants in queensland afl than there are rugby league in nz. where do you get your tv ratings from? nrl games not involved the warriors are getting a hammering by netball and high schol rugby unjon on sky.
D Maaga
Roar Rookie
yes, just like rugby league to me. stop start but with plenty of action.
D Maaga
Roar Rookie
so what do you regards in brisbane as minority and majority sports qgirl?
Queensland's Game Is Rugby League
Guest
They are. American football is slow between plays, but when they're running it's full of action.
Queensland's Game Is Rugby League
Guest
"How can Logan support a NRL team when they couldn’t even support the Logan scorpians RL in the Q Cup?" GO re-read what I said. I never said anything about the QRL needing to bring in an NRL team. Here's what I said: "We need a Queensland Cup team of our own. If the Broncos had any brains then they would set up a team in the Queensland Cup called the Logan Broncos. It would help them derail the Western corridor bid." There was a plan to have a NSWRL Premiership team located in Logan. Sam Backo was behind the bid back in the 1990s. Brewski, Aussie rules has been here longer than any other code, but it's still a minority sport. Don't you find that a bit weird? If your game was as great as the cheer squad says it is then how come it's failed so badly in Brisbane?
The Cattery
Roar Guru
Latest Roy Morgan survey on the sports that Australians are watching on TV: http://www.roymorgan.com/news/press-releases/2012/1556/
Brewski
Roar Rookie
Classic Seinfeld
The Cattery
Roar Guru
MIke the ruling body didn't stack the team with teenagers, it created a framework for the establishment of the two clubs, and the respecitive recruitment and coaching staff of the Suns and Giants stacked their team with teenagers. They did have choices - neither pursued the alternatives - although interestingly, they didn't do the exact same thing with their recruitment either.
The High Shot
Roar Pro
Queensland's Game Is Rugby League
Guest
"Fox Footy attracts more viewers from Queensland than it does from South Australia, and the Qld U18s have just defeated the WA U18s for the first time ever." Queensland has almost 3,000,000 more people than South Australia. (4,500,000, to about 1,600,000). "5 years ago the Lions averaged 33,000 per game – the Broncos averaged 30,000 per game." How many of them were born and bred Queenslanders? Go on, tell me that one! There are plenty of southerners who live in south east Queensland. There would be well over 100,000 Victorians living in the greater Brisbane area. They form the core of the Lions supporter base. You cannot point at them and say they're proof that Aussie rules is popular in Queensland. Aussie rules can say it's popular in Queensland when it has converted born and bred Queenslanders to the game. Until you can prove that most of the Lions' fans are Queenslanders then your stance is nothing but a crock of nonsense. How many people from south east Queensland watch or play the game? The participation rate for Aussie rules in Queensland is very low, with most of the players consisting of people who migrated to QLD from the southern states. If Aussie rules was popular than in Queensland then it wouldn't be shafted to the digital multichannels, would it? The best an AFL game featuring the Lions can hope for, in terms of ratings in south-east Queensland, is about 100,000, which equates to the number of Victorians who live in the area. Most of the time they're lucky to draw 20,000 viewers. There's a reason for that. It's that hardly anyone cares about it in Queensland because it's a minority sport. You can have Victorian ex-pats turning up at the games to inflate the Lions' attendance records, but there just aren't enough of them around to inflate the TV ratings. "As a Kiwi who moved to brisbane years ago I was surprise at how popular AFL is here. AFL is more popular in queensland than rugby league is in NZ." There are more registered rugby league players in New Zealand than there are Aussie rules players in Queensland, even though Queensland has a higher population! Rugby league pulls far better ratings in New Zealand than Aussie rules does in Queensland.
The Cattery
Roar Guru
Here's some fantastic news. Richmond have just reached 50,000 members. http://www.richmondfc.com.au/roarvisionarchive/tabid/11454/contentid/457142/default.aspx#playvideo Incredibly, they're still outside the top 8 - what will happen if they actually end up top 4??
Mike
Guest
Great article High Shot. I couldn't agree more......code warring is a total wast of time and energy. I would suggest though that you view the occasional game of AFL as I do......it reinforces the truth that AFL is a stumbling, bumbling, fumbling, uncordinated total mess of a game...............damn.....sorry mate........have I done it again....??????
Mike
Guest
Cattery, How many free kicks does this team want. Are they in a supposedly elite, fully professional sporting competition, or a feel good kick and giggle exhibition? The fact the ruling body and club itself stacked the team with teenagers is irrelevant, they should be judged on results only, like every other elite sporting competition in the world. If they don't want to be judged like that they should put up the white flag and call mercy !!!!!!
The Cattery
Roar Guru
I knew I shouldn't have clicked the link! Mansiere or the Bro?!
D Maaga
Roar Rookie
As a Kiwi who moved to brisbane years ago I was surprise at how popular AFL is here. AFL is more popular in queensland than rugby league is in NZ.
D Maaga
Roar Rookie
American football? Comes from a guy who reckons rugby and AFL are boring and slow.
D Maaga
Roar Rookie
Who's saying Logan isn't a rugby league area? The league fans and media makes to much fuss over nothing just as they did when GWS enter sceen. How can Logan support a NRL team when they couldn't even support the Logan scorpians RL in the Q Cup?