With negotiations for the NRL’s will-they-or-won’t-they-get-a-billion television rights deal now behind closed doors, here’s a radical idea for cramming more commercials into a telecast: scrap tedious post-match interviews and fill that time with more ads instead.
Since getting the call-up for The Roar I’ve been trying to take things one week at a time, but a week is a long time in journalism and at the end of the day last week’s column is this week’s fish and chip wrapper.
Full credit to the boys.
If those clichés don’t ring a bell, you’re obviously smart enough to turn the TV off as soon as the fat lady has sung or the horse has bolted or whatever other droll one-liner has rolled off the tongue of the head commentator.
Which means you’ve missed out on a collection of interviews that, even at their best, are about as insightful as a Tony Abbott asylum seeker policy announcement.
To be fair, it’s a flawed premise to begin with. The formula for post-match interviews is this: put a microphone in the hand of a guy who has spent 10 to 15 years of his adult life getting belted by large, testosterone-heavy men and then put him in front of a guy who’s spent the past 80 minutes of his life getting belted by even larger testosterone-heavy men.
Then, add a sum of zero media credentials and even less charisma.
What do we expect? The witty repartee of The Avengers, or the mono-syllabic grunts of The Expendables?
Here’s a dramatisation of how the average post-match interview rolls…
Recently Retired Legend: “Mate, tough game out there tonight, how do you think you got over the line?”
Semi-Coherent Player: “Mate, the boys have been great since I got here and I know I’ve got the board’s full support. As long as we stick to the game plan and put our best foot forward I know we’ll be there or thereabouts come September.”
RRL: “Mate, where was the game won and lost tonight?”
S-CP: “Mate, we’re really working hard on our completions. Week-in, week-out, it’s all about momentum and laying the platform and leaving something in the tank at the back end of games.”
RRL: “Mate, that was a great win, did you expect to get there in the end?”
S-CP: “Yeah, nah, they had us at sixes and sevens for a while there mate, especially when one of the boys had a brain explosion, but luckily he was playing like he had spiders on him – and that’s not his go anyway. We just knew we had to turn up to play and win the wrestle and dig deep and keep putting in 110 percent and the bounce of the ball would go our way. That’s footy.”
Home Viewer: “I can actually feel my IQ dropping.”
So let’s put an end to this madness. After all, who really cares about the thoughts of an exhausted bloke on a game we’ve all just watched anyway?
That time could be much better spent being bombarded with sales pitches for exclusive numbered slides of Benny Elias head wound blood, cross-promotional tie-ins for reality TV sewing contests, and innuendo-laden ads for male hygiene products.
Whatever it takes, really, for NRL fans to be able to proudly walk into an online discussion about broadcasting rights over the next five years and look taunting AFL fans in the eye.
As for Former NRL Greats getting behind the mic?
You’re a long time retired, so put your best foot forward and work on your completion rate over three years of a media degree. That’s what Origin football is all about.
xaviercrane
Roar Rookie
Post-match interviews need more Oak fridges
Mango Jack
Guest
That scratchy 1970's nylon fabric?
tonysalerno
Roar Guru
Semi-Coherent player ahahhahahahahahahahaha :P Good article mate- i understand your objection to the interviews but they are a fabric of the game and it wouldn't be footy without them.
Kasey
Guest
Have you noticed how much more formal things are in the United States? You’d never get a no –neck sideline reporter calling the coach mate for example, its always, Coach Jones: do you think the call by the officials in the 4th quarter really put a crimp on your comeback and how do you plan to address that? As opposed to the Aussie version: Mate, you seemed to get a real dud call there at the end, what do you do now? Ed Wyatt pointed it out once after he chocked on his dinner watching Christie Malthouse address the then Collingwood coach for post-match quotes with ‘Dad’
Mango Jack
Guest
I like the idea of firing up the players straight after a defeat. Get someone to ask questions like "Nathan, another loss. 6 in a row now, what the hells going on?" or "Todd, what were you thinking, throwing that cut-out pass to no one, with the line wide open?" Now that would test their media savvy?!
Kev
Guest
In the AFL at least the problem is that if you speak your mind you will either be fined by the AFL, have your comments taken out of context by the media and splashed across the back page of a newspaper or be attacked by fans for saying what many people probably think on a particular issue. You'll find most sportsmen just take the path of least damage and reel off cliches because there is a high likelihood for people to kick up a stink if they decide to make some off the cuff comments.
turbodewd
Guest
I dont blame the players much, I blame the shtt interviewers! Put someone who can ask a tough or interesting question. Make the player laugh or squirm, anything to breathe some life into the post-match interviews. Or even anger the bugger.
Adam Vaughan
Roar Pro
Sometimes the post match interviews give us some great moments though. Sam Backo's after Origin interview comes to mind, Jason Taylor had a great moment while playing for Wests on the ABC's Saturday coverage, the Wests Tigers all forgot their after grand final interviews were live on TV. In fact, sometimes the post game interviews are better than the game it self.
Jay
Guest
Sports interviews these days serve no purpose 90% of the time. Inane questions with no thought. Even more inane answers. Rinse and repeat week after week. What's even more staggering is all these question and answer sessions are so dull, so scripted, and so pointless that the media (I'm looking at you Fox Sports News) actually try to put a twist and spin on these to create some sort of controversy. I watch oodles of sport and have lost count of the number of times I've seen Fox Sports completely misrepresent what has happened in a game or in an interview. They either didn't watch it, or they are blatantly making stuff up. And don't get me started on those ridiculous "interviews" with players at half-time.
Mick H
Roar Rookie
Aren't they mostly all media trained, hence they spit out the same dribble, to stay out of trouble and not say anything that could get them or the club in trouble, which is sad as it kills off many personalities. Stephan Kearney is my pick for worst of the cliches ! Every press conference since he took the job is exactly the same no matter how the team plays. Example: " I thought the lads had a good effort tonight, the effort was definitely there. " Drives me nuts, I just want to shake him so he wakes up and drills the team on another shocking performance. And have you seen Hindmarsh after a game ? Looks like death and the poor bloke is dragged infront of the media, what do you expect him to say in that level of understandable exhaustion.
Dogs Of War
Roar Guru
Really the clubs should be trained to be more media savvy, that said, it seems we have lost a lot of the characters that we used to have in the game who were always good for a top one liner at the end of the match.
Dan
Guest
Haha good article! Very funny and very true :) -- Comment left via The Roar's iPhone app. Download The Roar's iPhone App in the App Store here.