Following this Saturday’s game against Melbourne, Parramatta coach Stephen Kearney will hand in the keys to the Blue and Gold mobile and take one last look at the Ray Price statue before leaving the NRL as nothing but a coaching fraud, charlatan and ….oh God, I just can’t do it!
No matter how much I know I should, I cannot bring myself to hate Stephen Kearney.
Even after all the insipid Eels performances forcing me to spend time with loved ones on a Saturday night, all the misplaced Ben Roberts confidence and all the press conferences rivalling those of former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Said al-Sahhaf for delusional optimism, I still have a soft spot for the bloke.
I have no particular reason for this, in fact quite the opposite.
Having cried myself to sleep for a week after the ‘99 grand final, even the mention of the Melbourne Storm would send me into a violent rage, and I still have to be physically restrained if I see Glenn Lazarus’ smug chubby melon pop up on the telly.
Kearney for some reason seemed immune to this wrath, his cool demeanour and perceived on-field sportsmanship winning over juvenile bitterness.
Same goes for his coaching of the rag-tag Kiwis outfit to victory in the ‘08 World Cup, a match that the New Zealand team were close to running out for in ‘Washington Generals’ jerseys.
“I bet an NRL club is going to snap him up now,” I remember telling a heavily inebriated Englishman who had hung around just to give the finger to Paul Gallen, as Kearney did his lap of honour with the sheepish look of a bloke who’d just one a nightclub dancing competition walking up to the bar.
And sure enough a club did, with Parra taking the bait for the 2011 season. As far as gambles go it was not quite up there with Nathan Hindmarsh putting 200k through the pokies at Parra Leagues Club. With former fellow Melbourne Storm assistant coach Michael Maguire having just won an ESL title with Wigan, results were expected.
But, like Harold Holt wading into the shallows at Kurnell or an Andrew Johns live cross, they never came. As a Kearney fan, in 2011 I looked on worriedly, feeling every bit like the school teacher reading the poor quality work of an affable, yet entirely chowder brained student.
By the end of 2011 things were grimmer than the Win Stadium hotdogs for my man Steve, and by recruiting a halves pairing of Sandow and Roberts for 2012 things were always probably going to be either rocks or diamonds. Even the most pessimistic of Eels fans though (i.e. members of the ’81 grand final side) didn’t expect the truck load of gravel with extra chunky bits that the duo has to date dumped on Parra’s front patio.
By the time the club called in the token embittered ex-superstar and retired coach for ‘guidance’ (on what exacly? How to drive a bus through Surfers Paradise without getting rolled by Schoolies? How to call line-out plays in Welsh?) it was all but over for Kearney.
Why he didn’t succeed will be the source of speculation for some time to come, or until Furner gets the boot anyway. Was it poor recruitment? Was it factional infighting in the boardroom? Was it friction between players?
Or, could it be that Stephen Kearney: rugby league international, premiership winner, World Cup winner, sharp dresser and all round nice guy to boot, just wasn’t that great a head coach?
No, no, I don’t think it could possibly be that. Where’s that awful Denis Fitzgerald chap when you need a scapegoat?
Play it again Stephen!
Follow Chris on Twitter: @Vic_Arious
steve b
Roar Guru
Very clever from an expert !
Chris Chard
Expert
Kenny and Price have apparently struck up a dynamic combination flattening cardboard boxes to chuck in the skips out the back of Parra Stadium..
Chris Chard
Expert
They could play for the 'Paul Carige' cup, a beloved servant of both teams! CC
Chris Chard
Expert
Has signed to St Helen's for next year Deano..but another Aussie Super League coach Mick Potter is a smokie CC
Chris Chard
Expert
Don't worry Dane, when old Brian moves on i'm sure the Roosters will be targeting an exciting young coach with ahistory of success. That is, Matthew Elliot. Sorry mate CC
Dean - Surry Hills
Guest
Could Nathan Brown be Parra's next coach ?
Danno1
Guest
Frank the Tank tif your an Eels fan this is a poor effort. From the games I've seen Hayne has done something worth points every game, and very often been stranded as the only option, that's not fair to Hayne. Hindmarsh has had to transform himself from an attacking player to a defensive, player, and is frequently your best forward at both, and that is not an indictment on Hindmarsh, but hell what are the other guys doing!! Every try scored against Parra features Hindmarsh trying to stop it...he should be admired not denigrated. Luke Burt is having his worst year, and that is unfortunate because up until last year he was vastly underrated player, he has acknowledged this, that's why he's retiring. Ben Roberts, well, as an Dogs fan I could tell you he's a heartbreaking player, who is not a regular first grader, why he was bought..who knows? But that was a woeful decision, agreed. If I were an Eels fan I would be focussing on the board, and is Frank S is really the sort of person you would want to be a leader in your organisation? There is where the trouble starts, until that is sorted you will struggle. Sadly it is off-field egos destroying Parra.
Danno1
Guest
No board or employee not directly involved in the team i.e. the coach or player, has ever done anything silly or stupid, that is why they're well paid, can leak to the press, undermine players and coaches because......well "hey it's not my job on the line" The sooner the commission institutes a whole of club salary cap the better, then everyone is really accountable for their job. "Your the five guys who agreed to recruit this coach, based on this evidence, because of this plan, and it didn't work out...well you go too.."
Rob D
Guest
Who's call was it to get rid of Inu and Mateo? Cant understand why they let them go!
Damn Straight
Guest
Because they have one of the greatest five eighths in league history(Mr Brett Kenny) pulling weeds out of the garden.
Damn Straight
Guest
Oh well, better ask Steve to come back then...not!
Damn Straight
Guest
Chuckle? He'd be absolutely pissing himself.
Tony Archers Maroon Underwear
Guest
mmm maybe but it would be surprising if his 'resignation' didn't come with some big expensive strings attached.
Pete
Guest
They have a river.
steve b
Roar Guru
TAMU I dont know how this works he resigned,, if this is the case dosen't that exclude him from any further payment ?
Tony Archers Maroon Underwear
Guest
Along with the Manly board letting Des Hasler go, sacking Anderson and appointing Kearny has to be one of the biggest corporate brain explosions in recent history. As I understand it we're still paying Anderson out (that'll learn him for taking us to a grand final) and will now be paying for another year + of Kearny on top! and to make matters worse the brains trust that engineered this, has created a situation where we will now have to pay overs for any coach good or bad to step into the job and seriously if your a good coach why would you risk it. Hopefully there is already a coach signed up and it will be announced after SKs last game, though im not holding my breath. How can a board responsible for such financial miss management / stupidity not be walking as well??? if the Board aren't moving to the underside of an outer mongolian rock they should at least be putting their hands up, and then down into their pockets and saying hey we're responsible for this mess let us take care of it...
steve b
Roar Guru
Lewis has signed a four year deal with the sharks !
omar
Guest
ps I think if para played wynnum manly from the qld cup wynnum would kick there ass.
JazzyJase
Roar Pro
Why are they a great club then ?
Jimbo Jones
Guest
Best player retiring - Since when is Jarryd Hayne retiring? (Yes, i am taking the p!ss)