I’m cool with the fact that there are sections of the Olympic party that will always be exposed to the elements of under-staffed broadcasting options.
With the breadth of sports taking place, there’s always going to be some disciplines that are thinly covered, rendering them susceptible to those downpours of unfortunate ineptitude from someone who has drawn the short straw when the gigs are being handed out.
Lifestyle show tradies covering the BMX racing, former cricketers casually waxing about clean and jerk, and the 4-yearly steadies that have the dust blown off them for the sailing are just some of the examples of stretched resources that leave holes in the coverage.
In saying this, there is usually a handful of sports that Australia can bank on for at least a C-grade pass mark for informed expertise without personal agenda, and one of those is swimming.
Being a nutso nation for aesthetically pleasing humans who can successfully fang through water at a good clip has meant the cream of the nation’s callers has always been allocated poolside for Australian telecasts.
Unfortunately, this golden rule for swimming sport casting prestige has been trash-canned by Foxtel at London 2012 by allowing airtime to Ray Hadley and Rebecca Wilson.
Never before has human water racing seemed more like human water torture.
These two ‘callers’ bring the usual ABCs of Olympic commentary gaffes with forgivable customs such as horrendous mispronunciation of foreign surnames, low-rent footy mentality and far-too-regular tears, all of which we are all able to endure through gritted teeth knowing the nature of their plight.
However, when I’m getting patriotically randy for some hotly contested freestyle or a ripping stint of medley and my telly starts yelling at me in a god awful blend of talkback radio oafishness and tabloid journalism exaggeration, I draw the line faster than an unheralded French relay.
What should be a basic play-by-play description of events that doesn’t divert from the commentary road map is instead a cacophony of shameless self-admiration and haughty life advice sessions.
How hard is it to stick to routine confirmation of placings and times, a raised delivery for a world record, and total ignorance of who’s running first when our competitor is running 7th?
Not for Hadley and Wilson though, who as you will see below never allow giving a balanced description of events get in the way of a good shove of their own wagon.
The early soiling of my Olympic experience commenced with Hadley, and I nearly choked on my Official Burger of the London Olympics when it happened.
The outspoken shock jock’s familiar high-horsing absolutely red-lined in Kendrick Monk’s and Nick D’Arcy’s heats, when instead of sticking to the events from starting block to finishing wall, he decided to impart his best life coaching with advice that they’ve surely been given in chunky doses already.
He firstly set their lives back on track with that Confucius-like pearl of wisdom ‘pull your heads in’ followed by further moral teachings, before filling the majority of the race with a recount of their well-documented and already dealt-with misdemeanours.
I was waiting for him to throw the lines open and take a couple of calls from his cranky listenership, but then halfway through the second lap he finally removed his mentor’s cap and decided to call the actual events of the race.
That Tony Robbins moment from Hadley was just the beginning.
My Official London Fries then became airborne when Wilson got in on the act with the featherweight accusation that the majority of the Chinese swim team were pumped to the back teeth with performance-enhancing drugs based on ‘what she had read on the Twittersphere.’
Whether or not it be true, social media was as good as a positive b-sample for Scoop Wilson. And immediately from her brain to air it went.
Does this pair actually think they are competing for attention-grabbing gold themselves?
I guess in all of this, we really should dip our lids to those highly intelligent techo roadies at Foxtel who have managed to get these two calling from the car park outside of the swimming complex. I assume they’ve had to improvise as there is barely enough room inside a garden variety sized commentary box to house both of their upsized egos.
The shrinking violet personality of Susie O’Neill was the obvious choice as their special comments offsider as her pint-sized demeanour is all that could fit in the remaining two square inches in their allocated broadcast area.
As for the pool pain, not only do I take Foxtel to task over this, I also lay some of the blame at the feet of our lazy chums at Channel Nine.
Their broadcast alternative of saturation cross promoting, repeatedly thrashed montages replete with high-energy techno and recycled Tim Sheridan news stories about how much plum-busting an athlete has done for their Olympic dream does not stem the bleeding and also takes away from our treasured time with Ray Warren.
All of this ordinary coverage of swimming makes me treasure him more than ever.
Janette Cox
Guest
OMG I thought I didn't want Ray Warren. How wrong I was. Hadley is bad enough but that Rebecca Wilson - what an uninformed self opinionated thing she is. Imagine Rebecca Wilson and Julia Gillard in the same room!!
Oracle
Guest
I think you will find that Rebecca Wilson's other half was ,I think, one John Hartigan, who was close to Rupert's no.1 man in Australia, and certainly heavily involved with News and the NRL at some stage. She is also Jim Wilson's sister. As for Ray Hadley, and James Brayshaw unbiased commentary, just plain embarrassing...........
Craigypants
Guest
Ive actually had a few laughs at Wilson & Hadley. They are somewhat entertaining if only due to their stupidity. Rebecca Wilson in a Sydney tabloid writer for those people who don't live in Sydney. However I can barely understand a word Hadley is saying, he has been mumbling and i thought he may have had a stroke. Is it my TV or is his speech inaudible?
LeagueLunatic
Roar Rookie
Have you heard what League fans think of Hadley. Great commentator? Since he joined 9 he made popular every other commentator by accident! Fans all over the world despise him. Ray Hadley is an over hyped horse race caller.
benson
Guest
Overall, Nine's coverage has been abysmal. Eddie Everywhere ... well, let's just not go there. Giaan Rooney: she actually asked the big journalistic no-no question yesterday ... "so, how do you feel?" Mindless and unprofessional, and not surprising: she's not a pro, just a former member of the chlorine rinse in-set roped in for the big occasion. Rachael Sporn is a cheer leader of an underachieving team and contrasts badly with Andrew Gaze, the pick's of Nine's imports who is expert and objective about the Boomers. Mark Nicholas is a turn-off in the morning, trying to artificially ramp up what was another bad night previously for Australia. Settle down, mate; you won't be so annoying then. And some of the Nine deskmen are simply appalling: one who I did not recognise sent viewers on a cross to the "men's road race time trial." What next? The tennis singles doubles? How Nine: low rent, lowest common denominator stuff, a total lack of expertise of Olympic sport. At director level too: three minutes of this, two minutes of that, four minutes of another. We're getting the shrapnel, not the hand grenade. Thank goodness for Fox (and if there's a Nine spruiker, the sound can be turned down). No chance of Nine's Olympic shills investigating the reasons for the underachieving Aussies in week one. They wouldn't know what to ask. Hopefully we can rely on a brave if unfashionable print journalist to poke some hard questions at the AIS and the worth we taxpayers get for our considerable investment in this bloated, ineffective and outdated Canberra bureaucracy.
Dave
Guest
Given that Ray 'The Spruiker' Hadley calls the football for some Channel 9 games, it seems likely that he will succeed the gracious Ray Warren. This is only right in an era where Tony Abbott is PM, Clive Palmer Treasurer, Christopher Pine Foreign Minister and Gina Whinehart Media Mogul.
yewonk
Guest
it is absolutely horrible why cant we have the lady from equestrian commentary. instead of bec and bolts.
Helen
Guest
Have the decency to learn the correct pronunciation of names if you are going to try and commentate.
Arthur Fonzarelli
Guest
Why do people think its strange that the Fox network would see no issue in having a right wing shock jock and a tabloid muck raker as appropriate callers for the prestigious swimming. Its a wonder Julia Gillard and / or the carbon tax hasnt been held accountable for our low medal tally.
Tim Renowden
Expert
It's hard to imagine a less capable commentary team than Hadley and Wilson. Hadley is the master of "I can't pronounce his name, who cares he's not from an important country, and... wow, look at this little American girl, she's gorgeous!" commentary. It's awful. Just now Hadley and Gus-on-the-pool-deck were leering over the Brazilian TV reporter stationed nearby. Poor Susie O'Neill is starting to get a thousand-yard stare.
Punter
Guest
Having a laugh about Hadley I hope.
Albo
Guest
Yeah ! But they are only calling the swimming ! Not any of the real sports !
Albo
Guest
I always thought she had played netball or basketball for Australia some years back ? But now I can't find any such notation ? She is a pain as a commentator for me, but I guess its the different types of personality mix that the commercial media thinks works ?
nickoldschool
Roar Guru
Glad to see there are a few of us wondering how did Hadley get the Olympics swimming job with Fox?!!! I think its the first time I have 8 sports channels dedicated to this event and am loving it...except when swimming is on as it's almost unbearable to listen to the populist (yes, Hadley). He represents aussie ocker-ness at its worse. Why, why, why him??? Its day 4 or 5 and every night i watch the swimming comp's i ask myself the very same question. Is it for the ratings? Does the guy has a following on radio who is going to tune on fox JUST to listen to his voice? The man is a mistery to me. Embarrassing.
The High Shot
Roar Pro
Rebecca Wilson is a New Ltd hack who makes a living out of rugby league by constantly talking it down and running it through the mud.
yewonk
Guest
lol
Jimmy
Guest
Who is Rebecca Wilson? Apologies for my lack of knowledge but was she some sports star from way back? If so I will grant her a little lee way but the combination of her and Hadley is extremely obnoxious. I love Madame Butterfly and poor Susie must be harbouring dark thoughts. What a contrast - Susie all class and grace and the other two all opiniated and braying like donkeys.
MR
Guest
Hahahahaha, this is so very apt. It irks me no end in his horse-racing-esque rugby league coverage when he constantly lables members of the backline "three-quarters".
tonysalerno
Roar Guru
Ray Hadley is a great rugby league and political commentator but Ray Warren takes the cake when commentating swimming. Channel nine have a wealth of ex-swimmers as 'experts' but they should develop one after the famous Ray Warren retires from the pool.
The High Shot
Roar Pro
Does Hadley refer to them as 'swimmer-three-quarters'?