So here we are, five days after The Queen parachuted into the Olympic Stadium and a bunch of kids we’ll all apparently know a lot better in ten years lit The Flame.
At the moment, the score that matters is 1-0, Australia’s lead over Team GB in gold medals. Aussies should thank the German equestrian team for denying Princess Zara and the Brits from taking home the favoured colour, the one Emily Seebohm was so distressed at missing out on.
Personally, these Olympics have opened my eyes to the thrills and spills of a few hitherto unchartered sporting waters.
Handball absolutely rocks and is so different to the stuff I played in the school quadrangle with a tennis ball and your own square.
Team archery was pretty exciting, with the Italian team winning with a bullseye on the final arrow.
But what else could happen to make the Games especially memorable?
Less Eddie
Pretty obvious, really. Eddie McGuire should stick to game shows or get used to late night infomercials. Please keep him as far away from the coverage as humanly possible.
More diversity
For those of you without Foxtel, there’s a whole world of stuff going on out there that doesn’t necessarily include Australians doing wonderfully to finish in the top 20.
Apart from the aforementioned handball, there’s been fencing, water polo, equestrian cross country and even a little bit of Football.
Rather than a short-attention-span-syndrome thirty-second grab, you actually get to see the whole thing.
Given the way things are going for our athletes at the moment, there isn’t the inevitable disappointment of watching an Australian come up short if there isn’t an Australian competing in the first place.
Less tennis
Because the phrase “Casey Dellacqua, Olympian” just sounds wrong.
More combos
No, that’s not an advertisement by the major sponsor. But what if, rather than the dressage section of equestrian (you can’t have “sport” played in top hats), you combined it with the Archery… except the riders had to shoot at targets while galloping on horseback?
Apologies to all the dressage fans. There are probably other combos just crying out for the imagination of Roarers and I’m sure we could come up with something that combined rifles and wrestling or bikes and javelins.
Less tears
Is it really necessary to stick a microphone and an inane question into the faces of swimmers while they are still dripping wet and breathing like they’ve just watched that scene in The Shining?
Emotions are high, resistance is low, a breakdown is just “one second off my PB” away.
Of course, there were tears at the fencing as well but nobody was trying to interview the lady who melted down emotionally. Probably because she had a sword in her hand.
An event unique to the host city
London has missed out on the opportunity of including orienteering the tube as a brand new Olympic demonstration sport.
Individuals or teams armed only with an Oyster Card have to get from Chesham to Tooting Broadway, or Cockfosters to West Ham, or even Fairlop to Elephant and Castle.
Quickest time wins, with time penalties for having to ask directions or not offering your seat to an elderly person.
The juvenile part of my brain would rejoice in an event where “Cockfosters” became part of the commentary.
More gold, gold, gold for Australia! (Trademark, Norman May, 1980)
If only to justify Nine’s parochial coverage and delay the inevitable grumblings from Olympics chiefs about “lack of funding”, while a nurse in a public hospital somewhere wonders when the money will come through for that new stethoscope.
Well, and also to beat Team GB.
Andrew C
Guest
hmmmmmmm :)
apaway
Roar Guru
Folks, apparently Yoga is being added as a demonstration sport at the 2016 Olympics. Yoga? I DO Yoga, and the first thing we are taught is the fact that it is not a competition. Yoga/Archery for 2016?
tonysalerno
Roar Guru
kasey :O Ray Warren to stop calling the swimming, he is the best sports commentator channel nine have. Ray Warren is the voice of the Australian swim team.
Punter
Guest
Too true, too true!!!!
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
Tim, I think that you were probably on the receiving end of that peculiar syndrome I mentioned in my earlier post: "it’s usually only English that have had some sort of exposure to Australians that feel the same way about the rivalry." When greeted with an Australian a lot of English will make comments about the Ashes, Jonny Wilkinson, or whatever is topical at the time, but the rivalry doesn't motivate us as much as Australians like to think. If anything, we're quite fond of you lot, and you'll usually find most English (and other Brits for that matter) will cheer on Australians when there isn't one of our own to support, Cadel's victory in last year's TdF being a good example.
Tim Renowden
Expert
For what it's worth I agree that it's a tiresome and boring faux-rivalry that usually isn't shared by the players/athletes and is basically just used to pump up newspaper sales. I'd much rather just watch the contest and enjoy the sport. Cheer your country's athletes - yes! Dodgy pseudo-nationalist rhetoric about smashing another country - hell no!
Tim Renowden
Expert
Maybe it's ramped up in the last seven years since the 2005 Ashes. I was certainly being sledged at an incredible rate in the four years I lived there between 2007-2011 - particularly around the Ashes, the rugby world cup, but also before and during the Olympics. I understand the rivalries between England and Germany/Argentina in football, and the general rivalry (sporting and otherwise) with the French, and they are definitely deep (just as Australia has rivalries with South Africa, New Zealand etc) but to suggest that the AUS/GB rivalry is one-sided is, in my view, simply denying the obvious: that it's a two-way street.
kovana
Guest
Would add just one extra... Add Rugby 7s already!
ChrisT
Roar Pro
With due deference to your 'expert' tag Tim, i spent 30 years growing up in the UK and the last 10 here and HardcorePrawn has it right - there are far more meaningful and long standing rivalries in the British and English minds, not least amongst their own Isles without even venturing to the Germans, French, Italians etc. The Anglo Antipodean rivalry is far brighter in Australian minds then it ever is to the Poms old son. Australian preoccupation with things English, not just sport, was a real suprise to me when i moved here - and frankly soon gets dull as it's generally negative. It's a shame the Kiwis don't compete at more than one sport, isn't it ....
mickh
Guest
Sydney has plenty too, but our pest of choice is the cockroach. We've got billions of them.
mickh
Guest
incorrect, she was Aussie, but nice try. Don't know her name.
Bondy
Guest
Good read Apaway.
Bondy
Guest
We'll square the ledger champ.
Kasey
Guest
She has been ominously quiet about the roundball game for too long I think. I’m surprised she didn’t fall for the trolling of Seb Hassett(SMH) and the Ray Price Statue shyte that came of it. That was tailor-made for a going off half cocked Wilson-trollumnist OP.
Bazza
Guest
The High Shot
Roar Pro
it's refreshing that wilson has taken time out from endlessly slandering rugby league to spread her vitriol to other sports.
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
The Tube that is, not Sydney!
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
It does have rats though. A lot of rats. Seriously. Loads of 'em.
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
Maybe it's time for us to consider that it is better to have been great once, than to have never been great at all! ;)
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
Hey! Boris Johnson does not speak on behalf of all Britons! Don't lump all of us in with that bumbling goon! Seriously though, I agree that there is a sporting rivalry between England and Australia, but I do think that it's more meaningful to Australians than English. While it seems that every Australian wants to get one over the English, it's usually only English that have had some sort of exposure to Australians that feel the same way about the rivalry. Bear in mind that the English also have massive sporting rivalries with other nations too: the other Home Nations, Ireland, Germany, Argentina, France...