Aussies win gold for Olympic excuses

When we farewelled our 400-strong squad Aussie Olympians, every sports loving Australian was anticipating a shower of Olympic gold.

Pity for us when after nine days of competition all we have is a miserly one gold and a lot of excuses, whinges and pathetic reasons for failure.

I once thought that the excuse “the dog ate my homework” was a lame excuse for not trying. But today’s excuse of, “I spent too much time tweeting and on Facebook,” is now its new age equivalent.

Did C-Bomb think that she was going to the social media Olympics and not the sports Olympics? Pity there’s not a medal for tweeting.

As for Magnussen, what’s this guy’s problem? Had he forgotten to take his cap off after training? Did it fill with water during competition and create drag?

So step out of the media spotlight and swim lots more fast laps, repeat it for the next four years and then gold might come.

Who isn’t sorry for Steph Rice with the not so nice shoulder? Especially when everyone knew she was just not fit for Olympic completion with a crook shoulder.

Stef will earn rivers of gold when she returns and negotiates a tell all and current affairs exclusive when she finally announces her retirement. Great athlete who already has her stash of gold and nothing to prove.

The excuse I’m waiting for is how all our swimming squad reacted to the highly infectious SREW virus. And all will be forgiven when everyone realises the battle our swimming gods had with a “Severe Reaction to English Water”.

Elder Olympians knew the fear the Poms had for water.The dangers of advanced aging and elephantitis skin. So why weren’t our swimming gods warned of the SREW Virus before the games?

Of course, the excuse, according to Kevan Gosper, Australia’s senior IOC representative, is the government and lack of government funding. And isn’t our government responsible for all the world’s problems?

Not according to John Coates AOC president, who thinks there was enough money in the system.

So the real reason according to the enquiry into our Olympic disaster is that our golden athletics were spooked by all the foreigners, not prepared for the dross food and all struck down by the SREW virus. Pity the poor bunch.