Emile Heskey to the Newcastle Jets. It’s not official, but it soon will be. So, erm, what happens now?
The A-League cognoscenti seems to be divided – is this a step forward? Is this the kind of signing the trailblazing Alessandro Del Piero was supposed to usher in?
Should we be excited? Or is this another chapter in the hilarious book of Hunter marquee flops? Jardel, Zura… Heskey?
Certainly not the latter.
Indeed, the mere comparison of Heskey to two forgettable plodders is unfair to a guy who has carved out a strong, successful career at football’s apex – particularly when few Australians can dream of doing the same these days.
You don’t go to two World Cups, play 62 times for England and make a name for yourself in arguably the world’s toughest league by accident.
Heskey is a top player.
Just because Brisbane can pass the ball around a bit now and the standard of the competition has risen, doesn’t give A-League fans the right to turn their noses up at a seasoned pro who could actually be the perfect foil for Gary van Egmond’s young Jets side.
Let’s not kid ourselves. We are not yet a league of tiki-tacticians.
A degree of strength and physicality is still required to succeed, and probably always will be in Australia. Muscle and nice football are not mutually exclusive.
For example, Bruce Djite, who is a ‘handful’ personified. He’s not a prolific scorer, but he does a job that four A-League coaches have wanted him for.
Others have coveted him.
Is the A-League beyond the days of the lumbering target man? Not when football as a whole isn’t.
Besides, that question assumes that a lumbering target man is all Heskey is when, again, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
While he’s known for awkwardly bashing centre-halves over like bowling pins or missing opportunities that the proverbial grandmother could have scored… he can do other stuff too, y’know. Unselfish stuff.
Like holding up the ball, or making space for other players – imagine James Brown or James Virgili running onto a measured Heskey flick-on.
Watching him run around, eating inexperienced or unaware A-League-level defenders alive is going to be an experience in itself. Even now, at 34, he is still capable of the odd flash of class.
But that name. Emile Heskey.
Those letters, arranged in that particular order, seem to arouse something in the part of your brain that snickers whenever a waitress shatters a glass, or when some poor soul trips over themselves on the footpath in front of a busload of schoolkids.
Del Piero he is not. It’s hard to see the Sydney Morning Herald transforming its back page into a News of the World-themed tribute in Heskey’s honour.
There will be no roast beef and mild English mustard sandwiches named after him in Newcastle eateries.
And if they made any Aston Villa shirts with his name printed on the back, only in the most optimistic dream sequence would there be even a gentle spattering of them at the airport awaiting his arrival.
But Heskey, the would-be cult hero, the enduring enigma, will bring something else to the table.
Is he crap or is he unfairly lambasted? When Nathan Tinkler is footing the bill, it doesn’t truly matter. The point is you’re talking about him.
And not just talking about him – because talking about Emile Heskey transcends regular football banter.
A-League fans have now inherited one of the most divisive, notorious players in Premier League history.
The Emile Heskey joke book now belongs to the Novocastrians. ‘Doing a Heskey’ can now happen, for real, on Australian soil.
For a league less than a decade old, in a country that does not yet have an ingrained football culture, this is actually invaluable.
We have some heroes and a few villains, but not nearly enough. This guy is somewhere in between, and for the past 15 years nobody has been able to quite figure out where.
So bring on the circus. Let’s have the debate when Heskey’s inevitable scoring drought begins.
Let’s argue that he’s worth it for the assists and influence or that he was never really that good anyway.
And let’s laugh together when he skies one into Row Z at Hunter Stadium.
Not every marquee is going to make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up like dreamy Del Piero can. Some players are known for creativity and guile, others for clumsiness and graft.
Some players are like Emile Heskey. Embrace it, warts and all.
Sam Cooke
Guest
Hey Vince, really enjoyed this piece and included a link to it in my own article on Heskey here... http://blog.oddslife.com/2012/10/emile-heskey-down-under/ Hope you don't mind Cheers mate Sam
nachos supreme
Guest
Is Riquelme available these days? Do you think he'd be a good fit over here? I'd love to see it happen but I'd be a bit worried that if he was to come he'd face the same thing that worries me about ADP. The let's kick the bejeezus out of him factor that cut Juninho's game time. Granted both Riquelme and ADP have had a career of blokes kicking the bejeezus out of them but both might not bounce back like they have done in the past?
Kasey
Guest
As sad as I would be to see the back of van Dijk...I would certainly love it if AU splashed a bit of cash on a big name defender to add some steel to our backline and perhaps impart some knowledge to players like Boogard and Golec. In the publicity stakes Fab Grosso would be a huge name to sign even at 35. Areal pantomime villain in the Muscat mold(oh the irony if he signed for the Reds!)
Azdiggitydogg
Guest
since when does double $600k = $700k?? heskey has already created 8 times media attention than miller has... seriously who is miller though???
Shaun
Guest
Heskey is a bad signing. He was never a great player and people have only heard of him because he played for England. He would never have made it into any other top NT. I could be wrong, but I think this will looked back at as a dumb signing.
HardcorePrawn
Guest
Heskey has always had his critics, and is seen as a somewhat lumbering player, very much an old-school, old fashioned center forward. But if Michael Bridges can succeed in the A League then Heskey will probably do more than OK. And I say that as a Sunderland supporter who would regularly chant "Super Mickey Bridges" at the then teenage prodigy before his big money move to Leeds.
Punter
Guest
That would be unreal but Riquelme would come with alot of baggage. But what a player!!!!!
Vince Rugari
Expert
And how much talk or media space has either of those two generated over the past 12 months? Value means more than just on-field.
Vince Rugari
Expert
Think of it as an investment. ADP has almost paid for himself already on exposure and media space alone - then there's jersey sales, etc...
Vince Rugari
Expert
Grosso would have good if he wasn't proper overweight. I still think someone should go for Riquelme.
Nathan of Perth
Roar Rookie
I hear with Heskey it's mostly overs though :)
Nathan of Perth
Roar Rookie
Whilst Smeltz is on $600,000 per year and Liam Miller $150,000. He'll have his work cut out for him to pull in double the value of Smeltz and eight times that of Miller...
Azdiggitydogg
Guest
van dijk leaving adelaide... big name marquee for them to come??? ballack, grosso...? imagine the grosso story!!!! wowsers that would get some airtime!haha
Vince Rugari
Expert
Terrific isn't it. That's the whole point. Only Heskey, as well.
Bondy.
Guest
I love the banter here,is Heskey worth it, some say overs some say unders its great.
Nathan of Perth
Roar Rookie
And for a while banned any marketing that might have capitalised on that history (so as not to put the lie to year-zero :P)
Jimbo Jones
Guest
Surely some of the Storm players were getting these kind of dollars a few years ago...
nordster
Guest
Phutbol i agree he adds plenty....its really my own lack of epl watching that explains the comment lol. He does have a notorious reputation in front of goal, at least on the surface. I am glad to be seeing him here on balance. Though granted better at the Jets than the Mariners ;)
Azdiggitydogg
Guest
yer but would those abovementioned create as much hype as heskey? would mainstream media outlets be running the story for an unknown berisha facing up v ADP in round 2? would they sell as many memberships as heskey? will they be able hold the ball up, and create chances like heskey? hey, they might be better technically than heskey, but in my opinion $700k for heskey is a bloody good investment.... i'll leave on this note: although technical standards have been getting better in the a-league, although the product has been getting better, the marketing of the product has been left behind!!! the FFA (and the clubs in some respect) have dropped the ball when it has come to marketing since season 1... more than half the time you would fail to know there was an a-league game happening, let alone news or results (unless you were a hardcore fan)... these marque players, eg ADP/Heskey have created massive headlines for the a-league, and got ppl talking, even though its nrl/afl's time in the sun... i'm sorry, but i fail to see how heskey for $700k is a bad investment...
AndyRoo
Roar Guru
I can understand choosing Hesky over some of those players. He is not a huge draw but he will still get a few people in straight away whereas a player of the above calibre without a name will take a while to catch on. For certain markets he fits better than others. When the figure being talked about was worth 2 or 3 high calibre A league players it looked bad value to me. If it really is $700k that seems a little cheap and I would classify it as a good get.