Cricket has until recently featured players of all shapes and sizes. Australians ‘Long’ Tom Moody, Justin ‘the Garden Gnome’ Langer, Bruce ‘Sticks’ Reid, Mark ‘Tubby’ Taylor and Merv Hughes showed all shapes and sizes can play cricket and it has been a better game for it.
International cricket has been over time a place where fat blokes have prospered. From WG ‘Too heavy for a horse to bear’ Grace, Arajuna ‘Tim Tam’ Ranatunga, Shane ‘Baked Beans’ Warne, Bermuda’s favourite sun Dwayne Leverlock, Imziman Ul Haq (who incidentally never ran a single in his life), New Zealand’s Jesse Ryder and Brian ‘I get a biscuit from your mother” McMillian.
Yet the Australian team has of late has conspicuously avoided picking a fat bloke since the retirement of Boof Lehmann.
Since this time, I say we have been poorer, both in terms of quality of play and also quality of viewing pleasure.
Their is however one man who can fit (or not fit, as the case may be) the role in Australia’s Test team. With the retirement of the super-fit Ricky Ponting and Michael Hussey, now is the perfect time.
I think all Australian cricket fans know of this heavyweight of Australian cricket who can inspire more of our children (60% of whom are now overweight) and engage our own bulging bellies with the thought that we could have played Test cricket.
He can draw us away from the table to again eat in front of the couch thanks to the fried chicken of our sponsor. A man who has done more out of his own pocket to support our major sponsors in fast food and beer than any other cricketer.
Mark Cosgrove
He may be big, but as a batsman he is a cricketer who despite this supposed impediment has proven to be one of Australia’s better performers.
Take a look at these stats.
His First Class average is 43.43, which is above Ed Cowan and Usman Khawaja. Over the last three years it has been 43.60, which is above Phil Hughes, David Hussey and Glen Maxwell.
He has 22 First Class centuries, which is more than any of his competitors. Only Hughes and David Hussey get them more often. His strike rate of 66 is better than everyone except David Hussey.
He is also an expert player of spin and has experienced English conditions.
And he is only 28.
On the basis of those stats, who else believes we must seize the opportunity and start a campaign to bring back the fat bloke, bring back the crowds and inspire a generation of fat kids to love cricket like we all have.
Let’s take Mark Cosgrove to India and to the Ashes.
Bearfax
Guest
Problem with Cosgrove is that as a batsman, he relies much more on hitting fiours than singles and he does that well. But his running between the wicket is a real problem. I was watching him with Khawaja the other evening in T20 and could see Usman getting increasingly annoyed when there were two runs to be had and Cossie could only manage one and then stop. He has a strong arm and therefore a good outfielder in that respect, but he's also ponderous in getting there. What's sad about Cosgrove, is that I think there is a champion batsman under that lard. He has an excellent eye, and all the strokes. If he could trim down and not lose his strength, he would make a formidable middle order test batsman. I'm certainly a fan and would love to see it happen, but he's approaching his late 20s and needs to do something quick if he wants to achieve his true potential. ps Khawaja had an first class average close to 50 before 2011-2 when he was dropped. Lost confidence. His present average I believe will exceed 50 in a few years. But I think the same would apply to Cosgrove if he overcame his liability
Josh
Guest
Imagine the promotional opportunities though in England Cossie with Mike Meyers in the fat suit both with fried chicken , Cossie at the chappie in Yorkshire , Cossie with a late night currie. We would again be loved for the every day nature of our cricketers. Cossie should be picked because he is fat not just despite it
Jason
Guest
I understand that Cosgrove has been told that he needs to get his weight down if he wants to be considered for higher honours again. The fact that he hasn't suggests that his hunger for a Big Mac is greater than his hunger for a Baggy Green.
Jason
Guest
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Allanthus
Guest
Craig McMillan, NZ, Brian McMillan, SA... I wonder what Inzy is up to these days? In training for the Hawaii Ironman? Suspect not.
Mark T
Guest
I'm happy to take Cossie to the Ashes but I've got two concerns: (1) Isn't there a cargo weight limit for aircraft? (2) Once (if?) he gets there, remind me how many fast food restaurants are there in England?