We are betraying our own role models

Thank you, I make it sound awful, its not THAT bad, but I do think you are right in challenging the idea that these young men should all be role-models, when the truth is that most of them are still finding their own way in life. I am very grateful my hubby has had the opportunity to play the game he loves for a living, I know so many men would give anything to be in his position. I am grateful also for the financial rewards that have enabled me to stay home with our kids and still pay a mortgage. But I am not alone in feeling that its not all its cracked up to be, and I think most of the problem lies with the way athletes are worshipped, and how this seems to lead to so many issues with gambling, drinking, relationship breakdowns, depression, etc. Anyway, I enjoyed your article :)

I am married to a footy player and just wanted to offer some insight from my perspective. I don't know what the answer is, but I just think the problems are going to get worse the more the players are paid, and the more they are worshipped. We have a similar background to Ben Barba and his partner- being from a small city, starting our family young and moving away from all our support networks and family. I can honestly say, I have struggled a lot to adjust to this life and to the demands (on him) of professional football. It has taken a massive toll on our relationship and our family. I have lived the last ten years trying my absolute hardest to save the money he makes to set us up for the future, amid his teammates wasting most of theirs. There is a massive binge-drinking and gambling culture in all codes- Ben Barba's issues are far from unique and I would hazard a guess that the breakdown of his relationship is more a symptom of the issues, than the cause. I have also spent years trying to keep my husband grounded. They are praised to high heaven and told constantly how fantastic they are. I often feel like I am the only one who is brave enough to kindly point out to him that he's not exactly saving lives and that he needs to keep things in perspective. Just because the general public thinks he's a demi-God, doesn't actually make him more important than Jo-the-toilet cleaner down the road! Yes, they do all these little gambling/drinking/sexual harrassment workshops etc and I do think they are worthwhile, but at the end of the day, while the players are treated with such adulation by the public, I really don't think it will get better. They have the same problems across all the codes, including Soccer overseas, and footy in the US. All these young impressionable men who have money and time to burn (I don't think enough time to do a degree for most of them though). A lot of these men came from nothing, and suddenly have so much money, plus girls throwing themselves at them, I honestly think their perception of reality becomes skewed. Not to mention that binge-drinking and gambling are also MASSIVE issues among the general public in this demographic as well. The other problem is, that when someone is paid as much as a lot of the players are, they are almost 'owned' by the club. I honestly feel like my husband is owned by his club, the 'supporters', the general public. He is never just *him*, he is always 'so-and-so, the footy player'. Every social event we attend inevitably ends with talk of footy, the upcoming season, his latest injury etc. And with the inability to 'leave work', comes the constant pressure of being the 24 hr 'role-model', which I'm sorry- not everyone is cut out to be a role-model, or a leader. Most people in general do not possess these qualities, especially 20-something year old men (boys). AND especially when they are having a head f#$k every five minutes- one minute they are God's gift to footy, the next they are being told by 'supporters' (and I use that term loosely) that they should be handing in their pay packet at the end of the game because they are so crap. The hardest thing is perhaps that once they become well-known, they just don't know who their real friends are. Many of them inevitably get swept away in the glamour of it all, being friends with other famous people, other big-name players acknowledging them etc. But in the back of their mind, they are accutely aware that had they NOT been successful at footy, these people wouldn't give a rats about them. It really just messes with their heads. My husband has never said these things to me, but I know that he thinks it, and I guess it hurts to know that half of your friends aren't your friends just because you are YOU, and that its conditional on your sporting performance. I wish Ben Barba and his partner all the best in the next few months, I see so many similarities with him and my partner, they are at the point we were at 6-7 years ago just after the birth of our second child, just as his career was taking off. Thankfully he is not as well-known, and therefore we didn't have the media scrutiny that they do. I just wish people would remember he is a real person, and he took a massive step by admitting he is not coping- something my husband and all his friends/teammates just wouldn't do. He should be commended. But moreso his partner should be, as no doubt she's been putting in just as much work, if not more, with none of the praise and recognition he gets. I have three sons and will support them whatever their dreams, but I can honestly say I sincerely hope they do not pursue a career playing professional football.

If what the Bulldogs CEO conveyed, Barba has relationship issues, that has led to drinking and gambling ... On reading the Daily Telegraph online yesterday, there could be more to the story then just that ... And, of course most fans of league and the general public would not be so naieve to think otherwise ... The split from his partner and mother of his children in-it- self will cost Ben Barba most financially, even if he is a player earning big bucks ... Usually, the percentage of payments for family support is 65% of your wages and assets ... So one would assume that Benny boy has a lot to contemplate - A new relationship and his career - The Telegraph story also mentioned that Barba is unhappy playing in Sydney and was emotional during his time playing with his Indigineous All Star mates ... For my mind, and I may very well be wrong, is that Ben's rise to fame through the media and league commentators has led him to get a swell head, especially in Bulldog's ranks ... There was notable outbursts of frustration and anger at his team mates, during games last season, especially when the games where tight, and of which went totally unnoticed by the media ... The Grand Final was one of those games ... Mad Monday caused even more grief for his club ... So here we go again, in 2013 the investigation into drugs in sport, and the spotlight on Barba (The Face of League) and the headlines are again bringing "our game" into disrepute ... Will he overcome and will he stick to his contract at the Dogs??? Personally, I'd rather that the media where mentioning the good things the other 100's or top footballers are doing, rather then wallowing in the personal issues of one player ...

"conversing with the media" -- well what training do you need to say "we played good but only one team can win on the night". The expectations on the players are actually pretty slight, and have been drummed into most league players from junior ranks. "Don't rat on your mates, cop a loss on the chin, don't say nothing to the media". As for code of conduct, here's a pretty simple one that a lot of people cope with: "Don't drink, don't take drugs, don't gamble, don't hang around places where people drink, do drugs and gamble. Don't get into fights." The point is correct that many players don't earn huge amounts of money. However, they earn relatively large amounts over a short period when compared to their non-footie peers. You don't need a lot of training to decide whether to spend it or save it. If you buy a powerful car you have blown a lot of money. If you come from some cultural backgrounds you are expected to share it.

Yes, bit of a silly comparison. Most tennis stars by nature of the international status of the game have to process at least a smattering of another language and quite a few are multilingual - Federer is conversant in 7 lanuages. Most domestic footy players struggle with one.

turbodewd ... you're missing the real point of that comment - Menzies, Tongue, Price - IN CAPS you ignored and focussed in on Thurston who, on the night, stepped up to the plate and was eloquent and gracious after coming in at the last minute. I'mastormtrooper2 makes a good point I think that Cameron Smith would have been the perfect choice - first choice imo. He is certainly not glamorous and does not play an inspirational style of football but his intelligence and maturity are 180 degree opposite to what the knockers of RL spout about NRL players. Fact is people we can't put an old head on young shoulders when it comes to these footballers. And don't think their behaviour is different to most of society from the same demographic. You just can't turn these blokes into confident, mature, reliable men. Players are maturing PHYSICALLY younger but, in my opinion, young people are more socially and emotionally immature compared to years past. I see young blokes built like men at 14 or 15 with the literacy and mentality of 9 or 10 year olds from families I'd rather not discuss. Let's just say to expect a lot of the families out there to offer the grounding young people need is NOT going to happen. Many islander kids I taught in Sydney leave school by 15 or 16 to work as security guards or whatever they can to support their large families. If they are good (and lucky) enough they might play football for money but for every one of them in an NRL squad there are 100 almost as good who won't make it. For those who do, money and adulation may magnify their shortcomings when another headline looms about an unruly NRL player. Like I said you can't put an old head on young shoulders - with very few exceptions - yes Brad Fittler was raised by a single mother and played first grade in school and SOO at 18; and Laurie Daley played in a bush GF at 16 and was knocking over nrl first graders at 17 and both had relatively unscathed careers scandal-wise but they are EXTREME EXCEPTIONS.

Parents do all they can to instill in their children the moral characteristics to be good citizens. Societal, economic background & peer pressure also influences our behaviour. Each sporting code has its 'culture' by which players behave. I still think league (generalising) has elements that influences young players negatively. This group don't have the skills or experience to know better.

As I said Delphy, Ben's problems are a little more adverse, but no different for many 23 year old men, with a partner, children and responsibilities, without the big pay packet ... Like Ben, their issues don't start over night ... League hero, super-star, whatever, his situation and how it is dealt with in the media is more unfortunate for his young family, then him ... One would assume that Barba, along with every other footballer at the Bulldogs would be subject to screening of their on and off the field behaviour, demeanour and teamsmanship, especially after the Bulldogs end of season 2012 issues ... Mr Greenberg and the NRL where reluctant to reiterate about Ben's situation which only leaves the rugby league world wondering and the gossip mongers from one end of the country to the other in their element ... As a fan of league for over 50 years, I just hope that "the game" is much bigger then the likes of Barba throwing in the towel or Sonny Bill Williams, the "bad boy" 4 years ago to the Roosters game breaker next week, and the games CEO's gaff's ...

Nice point. The players don't have a responsibility to be role models to the public they can only be themselves, it is parents and the media who hold the responsibility to highlight appropriate people as models for how kids should conduct themselves.

Oh please, don't put Wendell Sailor in the same sentence let alone category as Pat Rafter and Kieren Perkins ....

Easy to criticise isn't it turbowed! ya might have chocked on ya Special K but could you or did you offer an alternative?? Typical troll stooge, Perkins is a swimmer, Rafter a tennis player,as for Sailor aka dellavision checkout his past pal, sure he may have redeemed himself , but its your past that returns to haunt you, next time choke on ya flakes !!

I got the distinct impression from the Bulldogs CEO, and the media that Ben Barba's problems are something a little more adverse then simply maritial problems ... Indefinate suspension, rings alarm bells - Don't you think ??? Ben Barba was the "man of the match" in the All Stars game three weeks ago and stated he had Origin and a Premiership on his wish list for 2013 ... I too believe, the NRL need to can "the face of league" promotion ... I was also disappointed that JT was chosen over Cameron Smith, Australian, State and Storm Club Captain - 2012 Premiership winners, to replace Barba at the NRL function .... Cut to the chase, the fans are the official face of rugby league, always have been and will always be ... I'm pleased they are featured in the 2013 promotion ... If the fans don't turn up at the gate or tune in, because they are fed up with the bullshit of players off field issues that goes down, year in, year out, the foundations of the game for over 100 years will fall in a heap ... "You can't put brains into monuments" ...

That is very true but honestly what can you expect from a queenslander

*ssptoosh!* Mate, i just spat out my Corn Flakes! Thurston is settled and mature?! Just look at his scruffy hair, that speaks volumes about the guy. His command of English is okay but he doesnt command any presence like, say, Pat Rafter, Keiran Perkins or even....Wendell Sailor? Was it not Thurston who thought it wise to sing the inane Qld 'yippee yippee' song when Australian defeated NZ in a test last year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLJ8ILIE780