One day A-League fans will know the pain of relegation, which seems to be a curious obsession of the oft-bewildering Asian Football Confederation.
The AFC continues to insist that promotion and relegation are key components of leagues across Asia, regardless of whether multi-divisional leagues are even plausible in certain countries.
Coming from an organisation which just elected a president strongly alleged to have been involved in human rights abuses, the AFC would be better served cleaning up its own backyard than pointing the finger at others.
However, there’s no doubt there’s an element of intrigue missing from the A-League, even if many football fans in Australia have experienced the pain of relegation in one way or another.
I have – though it was hardly a life-changing experience – as I watched the hopelessly inept Fortuna Köln drop from the German second division into the third in a blaze of mediocrity in 2000.
I still remember Michael Klinkert’s header eight minutes from time condemning Fortuna to the drop on a warm Thursday evening on the south side of Cologne, as the Eagles suffered the ignominy of relegation with two games to spare.
Standing as I was directly behind the goal, I yelled out in English to Fortuna’s Hungarian defender Attila Dragoner to give me his jersey, to which he replied – in English – that he couldn’t speak German.
I have a sneaking suspicion communication problems may have been at the heart of Fortuna’s problems and their relegation was to have long-lasting consequences for a club which eventually went bankrupt.
I’ve often heard it said that one’s relationship with a football club is a lot like a marriage and in that regard, it could be said that relegation is a lot like a break-up.
Sadly I have now experienced both, for today is the day I will watch my partner of almost 10 years walk out the door for the very last time.
It’s a moment I have been dreading, not least because many of my best football memories have been formed with her alongside me.
From Steve Corica’s winner in the inaugural A-League grand final to friends made on the terraces at Nihondaira Stadium, from blockbuster World Cup qualifiers to high tea at half-time in Seoul’s World Cup Stadium – she was always there.
My most cherished memory was the fulfilment of a life-long dream – watching my beloved Socceroos not only compete at the World Cup finals in Germany in 2006, but also score their first ever goal, register their first ever win and against all the odds, advance to the second round.
She was alongside me for every magical moment – we got married at the Old Town Hall in Prague on that trip – and as I sit here gazing glumly at my computer screen, I do so underneath the twin set of World Cup tickets she hand-framed herself to commemorate the occasion.
Separating from a loved one is a surreal experience and I’m not quite sure how I’ll fill the long days from here on in.
I was planning to undertake several torrid relationships with women I meet online and write a book called ‘Laid Tuck’ about my experiences, but a certain friendhas beaten me to the punch with richly deserved success.
Maybe I could go back to university and do more study in my first love – the field of history – however I already hold multiple qualifications in the subject.
Or maybe I’ll just have to take some time for myself and admit that losing my long-term partner has been the most devastating blow of my life.
Unlike relegation, there’s no chance of bouncing back immediately here.
I feel a bit like how Dragoner must have felt at relegation-bound Fortuna; desperate for things to change but confused about how to make that happen.
For all the glib clichés about football being a matter of life and death, on some days even the beautiful game pales into insignificance.
Sadly for me, this is one of them.
Johnno
Guest
Sorry to hear that Mike. The roarers are with you. Keep writing the good football articles. Football is like life, and it is the beautiful game, no better feeling than winning a big football game, but it's also the most cruel game to play and watch. No sport is more cruel. Football can be a cruel cruel game. Australia VS Iran 1997, central coast losing a few of those grand final's especially that one to Brisbane, Bayern Munich losing to Man United in 1999 champion's league, all the England penalty shoot out losses over the last 25 years "Euro 96 i'm still crying", socceroo losses to Uruguay, and so many more, Ghana's loss to Uruguay at world cup 2010, our loss to the Italy , and so many more I could go on forever. Football still loves you mike, and there is always the roar to that loves and value's you. Good luck Mike keep writing the good articles.
apaway
Roar Guru
The Roar family is with you, Mike.
KevTuck
Guest
Hi Mike. Hang in mate, as you can see, you have many friends and your family will always be there for you. Dad
whiskeymac
Guest
Sorry to read this. Hope it all works out. It may seem a long off season but a new season is coming.
David V.
Guest
I recall that Fortuna Köln had been a stalwart 2.Bundesliga side for a long time, save for one season in the 1.Bundesliga, and at times coming close to returning to the big time as well. They were propped up for years by a local millionaire called Jean Löring, and the place fell apart without him.
NUFCMVFC
Roar Guru
Sad to hear about your relationship Mike Atb for the future though and looking at it philosophically a new chapter has been opened on your life
Nelson
Roar Rookie
Mike Tuckerman all the best mate.
Matt
Guest
Chin up Mike, tough time in anyone's life. I would love nothing more than to see a promotion/relegation, but Australian football is probably 20 years away from such a set up, purely from a financial view point.
Stevo
Guest
+1Nice!
andrew vezos
Guest
Hey mick, sorry to hear about that mate. Always remember that no matter what, the football family is large and is everywhere. You are surrounded by friends who share your passion for the beautiful game! I just thought of those heady days at the SIR around 6 years ago when we worked in our little unit with a bit of a chuckle about your story re jens lehman in germany. Stay strong mate, you have so much to look forward to and there will be better days ahead. Regards. Andrew
Mike Tuckerman
Expert
I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and sentiments today and will resume normal service on Monday.
albatross
Roar Pro
Speaking from some experience I have found that life partner relationships are rather like waiting in the rain for London buses - there'll be another one along in a minute, Some will whizz past. Others will stop and allow you to climb aboard but then will breakdown and you'll be asked to get off. But eventually one will stop that will allow you to embark safely on the next part of your life's journey, safe and snug and protected onward to your final destination. One of the best bits of advice I ever had was from a surprising source, a fat insurance broker. He sagely advised me that unless the lyrics of Carly Simon's "Nobody Does It Better" applied to one's lost relationship one was much better off getting over the loss and grief as quickly as possible and finding another one that they would apply to. He was right. It might sound cynical but it isn't because you have to take care of yourself mentally and physically and not fall victim to self pity and then self doubt - which is easy to do.
nordster
Guest
Best thing about relegation is knowing there is promotion to look forward to....this is football...
Griffo
Roar Guru
Mike, gobsmacked at reading this and can only echo the thoughts of others (up until about midday - swamped at work and posting this hours later). If you haven't realised it yet and run for the hills, you're never 'alone' here ;-) but a brave thing to put your life out there like this. I'm sure you are surrounded by friends but if the big smoke is too much, there is always coffee on the beach at Newie. Oh and I don't think relegation will work here, not in the near future if at all, but we'll have it anyway - the AFC says so.
Mark Young
Roar Guru
Mike there is really nothing helpful to say at times like this. Sometimes life just smacks you in the guts, and all you can do is stagger around until you regain your breath. Stay strong mate, keep close to the people who love and care for you. Best Wishes - Mark Young
Cpaaa
Guest
A brave piece Mike and something thats not easy to write. I hope you come out of this a stronger person than before. Its funny, ive been thinking about you today and i dont even know you, but i love your work. You are my fave writer ever since the Fink went David Dachovney style and Art Saffire disappeared. Such is Life.
Matthew Skellett
Guest
Actually this reminds me of a scene from an episode of the 80's sitcom "Taxi" where Danny de Vito ( the boss in the wire cage ) has had his long-term girlfriend just break-uo with him so feeling sorry forhimself he comes down his little stairs from the calling cage , goes over to the jukebox and puts the quarters in the slot to play the song "feelings" time and time again until the rest of the guys tell him to knock it off- here's to you Mike I'll raise a bottle of James Squire tooya :-)
Nathan of Perth
Guest
"However, there’s no doubt there’s an element of intrigue missing from the A-League, even if many football fans in Australia have experienced the pain of relegation in one way or another." Well, for one thing, it would convert those last few weeks for those in the bottom half of the league from one of desultory misery to OH GOD BLIND PANIC.
Ian
Guest
You'll come out the other side a stronger person, even if you can't see it yet, or don't want to hear it. Your articles are quality. That may provide you some solace.
Zac Zavos
Editor
Quality piece Mike. Roarers are with you.