Those of you who’ve been following my journalistic career in rugby league closely – which is presumably all of you – know that I’m not only talented and integrified, I’m also unemployed.
This situation is certainly very strange but I suppose a complete lack of journalistic experience or any kind of credibility must count against me.
But not anymore.
Telstra and the ARL Commission have set up a digital media unit and are now actively hunting for 12 journalists to generate content.
As a slow-moving and succulent specimen, I am putting my paw up to be bagged and tagged in the great hunt for words about rugby league.
So far, so good but I’m a little worried that by aligning myself with this crew, I’ll be cutting off any potential future employment with the mainstream media outlets.
Indeed, the AFL’s much larger version of this has been labelled ‘Pravda’, a reference this reporter totally gets and doesn’t have time to explain to the likes of you.
They’re sometimes accused of “[providing] only favourable coverage”. I would remind the doubters that in the rugby league world, there is no such thing as ‘favourable coverage’.
Nevertheless I’ve decided to send something in to pad out my threadbare résumé. I’ve prepared a short, fictitious match report in what I presume will be the preferred style.
I’ve also included a couple of subtle product placements that I hope will ensure I’ll get published. See if you can spot them.
“Telstra Tornados Defeat Vodafone Vomit
The Telstra Tornados lived up to their reputations as great providers of unmatchable quality football last night at Telstra Stadium.
In front of tens of thousands of satisfied customers, with millions more engaged online, the Telstra team continued to leave their competitors in the dust.
The Tornados hooker delivered reliable, fast and cheap service to his forwards who continually broke new ground in their quest for satisfactory outcomes.
The outside men were a mobile net in defence, and when the time came to download the ball they showed unbelievable speed to Make it Happen™.
The Tornados halves displayed a strategic vision for the future and the speed of their decision-making showed unmatched bandwidth between their ears.
The crowd roared as the score grew like Telstra’s share price and there were more points on the board than access points to Telstra’s ultra-fast 4G mobile network.
Next week the Telstra Tornados play away in some absolute garbage pit that the Optus Secondrates call their home.
Most footy experts are calling this the mismatch of the century and won’t be able to report live on the match thanks to the ground being a reception black hole.
Buy Telstra products and services today.”
Did you spot my clever placement?
That’s right, in the sixth paragraph I mentioned The Roar.
You’ve got to be a bit clever to get ahead in this game.
Boomshanka
Guest
Great article: Could be a Wipeout though. My Underbelly of a Big Brother reckons the Blockheads at Channel Zero already have Ladettes to Ladys providing the Voice of Rugby League, which is of course, Tom Waterhouse. Seriously, the subtleness of product placements at a Nine covered game are already there.
Nathan Beuman
Roar Guru
Haha, bloody good article. Do you know how you apply for one of these positions? Sounds very interesting.
Geoff Lemon
Expert
Best comment / reply ever. Let's get you two a show.
Meesta Cool
Guest
Digital reporting, the term originates from Daily telegraph reporting of Rugby league, -- in the Meestacoolpedia, it states that the expression digital reporting actually refers to the generally held opinion that in some 'Daily T' articles, you may find enough true facts to count on one finger (Digit). However this is a rare occasion indeed and not to be expected too often.
The High Shot
Roar Pro
You never fail to be interesting bro.
oikee
Guest
I have not really thought about it highshot, i am sure i could do a lot better. dont get disillusioned, i will explain. Just this morning i come up with a idea for a new Tourist city idea. Now to understand where my mind sits, let me tell you, i was not thinking at all, i was hanging out the washing. Socks, ? Yes socks, in a polished halllway''''s and i even went one step further, i thought about it, so i allowed being naked with only the socks on. I know i have already got your attention see. Ok, your thinking WTF. Tourists in a polished floor with hallways in which you can travel down but you have to act stiff. ? yes stiff, either naked or just as a clothed tourist. You slip and slide all the while cameras are taking shots of you in these hallwalls while running stiff-like. I did it this morning just mucking around having a bit of fun,. But i thought, how interesting, put this idea to tourists, a memery of a city you visited with photo's to remind you of that memory. Naked or clothed. Hehe. I am a tourtured soul. hehe.
Miss Taken
Guest
Digital reporting? Does that mean exclusive coverage of whatever John Hopoate is up to?
Australian Rules
Guest
Haha...good stuff High Shot. As a writer, I suspect that irony appeals to you, more than most. So, Re the "pravda" comment: 1) Good luck in securing a job with the pravda2 ;) 2) pravda1 may have been a failure after all: (worth a read) http://www.thecitizen.org.au/media/more-footy-reporters-herald-sun-why-afls-media-play-threatens-big-media-players
Naught
Guest
Nice guys finish last.. so you should do alright ay ay ay... eeeer.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
That is absolute platinum! Those blokes would be mad not to give you the gig! Never fear if you aren't fortunate in your quest though, as your ability to produce shocking bias will surely have you on the Murdoch radar in no time.
Hospital
Guest
Many laughs were had reading this. This line: "They’re sometimes accused of “[providing] only favourable coverage”. I would remind the doubters that in the rugby league world, there is no such thing as ‘favourable coverage’. 'Vodafone Vomit'. Ah, that's made my day.