Here you go, Maroons, some excuses for you

Unless you are a massive fan of middling Aussie dramas or arty European documentaries, there’s a good chance you watched the State of Origin match last night and saw that Queensland lost.

After winning more games in recent years than your big brother who made you play Mario Kart with the controller unplugged, Queensland would be right to feel a little bit disappointed about the loss and how they performed.

Fortunately then to preserve Queensland pride before the important return match at Suncorp, Queensland have a host of plausible excuses to fall back on.

To help out Big Mal and the boys I’ve taken the liberty of combing through the match footage, and have managed to come up with some top notch excuses to explain the Maroons lacklustre showing last night.

Paul Gallen Nate Myles fight

Gallen not being sent-off
Probably the biggest one here. Let’s face it, in Origin I’ve seen Tony Hearn headbutt the marker and then get the penalty so Gal wasn’t going to get sent.

And realistically Gal probably hurt himself more than the bloke with a head the size of a convection oven.

But the bin? Surely the bin, which would have changed the momentum of the game to infinity and not have Queensland chasing such a big lead all match.

Thurston being sick
Much merriment was had about Thurston’s mystery illness in the lead up…until he went out and played like a bloke who has been bed ridden and living off Lucozade for a month.

In fact, it could have even been Daniel Wagon in disguise for all we know.

Huge game changer.

Cam Smith no try
Double movement, triple movement…no one really cares do they? He made it across the stripe and I remember when (insert long forgotten NSW Origin player here) did the same thing and was given a try.

Tate ‘knock on’ leading up to first NSW try
What, so Tate’s giant chin is now getting called for knock-ons by suspicion? Tate didn’t even see the ball let alone touch it. Gave the Blues a big head start.

NSW not playing Reynolds
In the true spirit of the game Queensland gave all their seventeen players a go, even if the blokes from the bench did mostly nothing.

But what about the Blues eh, leaving poor Josh Reynolds to fester on the bench when his rookie nerves could have been easily exploited in the tense final twenty.

Unsporting I reckon.

Cane Toad mascot spear-tackled
This happened not long after the Myles v Gallen dust up, and no doubt the sight of their beloved Mr Toad getting assaulted by a drunken Blues yobbo could have shaken the already rattled Maroons psyche.

Plus, if this fate can befall a loveable foam type creature, surely Mal’s men had right to fear for their own safety on the field, no?

Lack of Gus Gould’s final thought
With Maroons antagonist Gould made to do his pre-match spiel in front of a green screen reserved for cut price high school science class documentaries, the Queensland side were cruelly denied that extra sting of motivation that usually comes with seeing Phil’s bulbous frame prior to the match.

Eight year old Matthew
Geez Channel nine, that’s a low blow bringing kids into things. Queensland would have felt bad if they had won after seeing little Matty in the dressing room sheds TV as they went through their final warm-ups.

I mean, who did the Maroons have to dedicate a win to? Jessica Shipper?

Timomatic pre-match set
Well played NSW. Knowing the Queensland players love of R and B, ANZ Stadium brings out singing sensation* Timomatic for the pre-game show, and of course Mal can’t get their bloody mind on the job after all the excitement. Word is Sammy Thaiday couldn’t be found for kick off because he was chasing Timmy down for an autograph!

Also apparently Vince Sorrrenti didn’t help things by poking his head in at half time for a round of his subtle comedy stylings…

You see, a couple of these trotted out and I’m sure the rugby league community will understand how the Queensland side was never really any chance of taking out the match, such was the uneven playing field they encountered.

Now, onward to Round 2!