Unless you are a massive fan of middling Aussie dramas or arty European documentaries, there’s a good chance you watched the State of Origin match last night and saw that Queensland lost.
After winning more games in recent years than your big brother who made you play Mario Kart with the controller unplugged, Queensland would be right to feel a little bit disappointed about the loss and how they performed.
Fortunately then to preserve Queensland pride before the important return match at Suncorp, Queensland have a host of plausible excuses to fall back on.
To help out Big Mal and the boys I’ve taken the liberty of combing through the match footage, and have managed to come up with some top notch excuses to explain the Maroons lacklustre showing last night.
Gallen not being sent-off
Probably the biggest one here. Let’s face it, in Origin I’ve seen Tony Hearn headbutt the marker and then get the penalty so Gal wasn’t going to get sent.
And realistically Gal probably hurt himself more than the bloke with a head the size of a convection oven.
But the bin? Surely the bin, which would have changed the momentum of the game to infinity and not have Queensland chasing such a big lead all match.
Thurston being sick
Much merriment was had about Thurston’s mystery illness in the lead up…until he went out and played like a bloke who has been bed ridden and living off Lucozade for a month.
In fact, it could have even been Daniel Wagon in disguise for all we know.
Huge game changer.
Cam Smith no try
Double movement, triple movement…no one really cares do they? He made it across the stripe and I remember when (insert long forgotten NSW Origin player here) did the same thing and was given a try.
Tate ‘knock on’ leading up to first NSW try
What, so Tate’s giant chin is now getting called for knock-ons by suspicion? Tate didn’t even see the ball let alone touch it. Gave the Blues a big head start.
NSW not playing Reynolds
In the true spirit of the game Queensland gave all their seventeen players a go, even if the blokes from the bench did mostly nothing.
But what about the Blues eh, leaving poor Josh Reynolds to fester on the bench when his rookie nerves could have been easily exploited in the tense final twenty.
Unsporting I reckon.
Cane Toad mascot spear-tackled
This happened not long after the Myles v Gallen dust up, and no doubt the sight of their beloved Mr Toad getting assaulted by a drunken Blues yobbo could have shaken the already rattled Maroons psyche.
Plus, if this fate can befall a loveable foam type creature, surely Mal’s men had right to fear for their own safety on the field, no?
Lack of Gus Gould’s final thought
With Maroons antagonist Gould made to do his pre-match spiel in front of a green screen reserved for cut price high school science class documentaries, the Queensland side were cruelly denied that extra sting of motivation that usually comes with seeing Phil’s bulbous frame prior to the match.
Eight year old Matthew
Geez Channel nine, that’s a low blow bringing kids into things. Queensland would have felt bad if they had won after seeing little Matty in the dressing room sheds TV as they went through their final warm-ups.
I mean, who did the Maroons have to dedicate a win to? Jessica Shipper?
Timomatic pre-match set
Well played NSW. Knowing the Queensland players love of R and B, ANZ Stadium brings out singing sensation* Timomatic for the pre-game show, and of course Mal can’t get their bloody mind on the job after all the excitement. Word is Sammy Thaiday couldn’t be found for kick off because he was chasing Timmy down for an autograph!
Also apparently Vince Sorrrenti didn’t help things by poking his head in at half time for a round of his subtle comedy stylings…
You see, a couple of these trotted out and I’m sure the rugby league community will understand how the Queensland side was never really any chance of taking out the match, such was the uneven playing field they encountered.
Now, onward to Round 2!
Justin
Guest
When you say everything was against you do you mean like how NSW best player (Greg Inglis) was playing against us, or like how the NSW players were coping head butts from the biggest melon to ever walk onto a football field an not receiving a single penalty, or like when Brent Tate punched Greg Bird in the head while he was being held down in a tackle or if it aint any of those it must be like when Michael Jennings got sin binned for being the 8th man into a fight just cause he landed the cleanest hit on one of the biggest grubs you'll ever see (other than Cameron White knocking out Steve Price an Gallens few he put on Myles) it's not Gallens fault Myles was to scared to throw any, that's the biggest thing with true grubs like Nate Myles when push comes to shove there ALL BARK NO BITE!!!!
Stu
Guest
A pommy ref? Like, Ashley Klein, for instance? Also, Qld complaining about refereeing decisions - the irony! It's too much.
Bazzio
Roar Guru
. . . . or Barry Gommersall :P
RICHARDN
Guest
These refs are incapable of remaining impartial. Just llooking for a chance to penalise Qld all night. Time for a pommy ref.
Chris Chard
Expert
Maybe CH9 were concerned that the combined shine from the heads of Sterling, Tallis and Lewis in full HD might be dangerous to viewers?
Chris Chard
Expert
Yes but if a red shell hits you and no one hears it, does it still make a noise? Ask yourself
Renegade
Guest
:)
Chris Chard
Expert
It was a bit strange, after being a boil on the game a couple of years back the two refs system had helped to get the fluoro pests off the field...but a cougar can't change his spots!
Chris Chard
Expert
And here I was the other day saying that Gal had become too much of a nice guy as captain!
Vic
Guest
In Rod We Trust
Guest
QLD can blame the loss on the fact that Paul Gallen was not born and raised in Bowraville
Bazzio
Roar Guru
nudge-nudge, wink-wink . . . . Say no more https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=515654575154674&set=a.359098594143607.95894.359074060812727&type=1&theater
Garth Jones
Roar Rookie
I believe the term to best describe the NSW performance last night would be "Dead Cat Bounce". Many QLD'ers don't mind feeling bad about one game because we know in a few weeks time we won't have to feel bad for another whole year
Garth Jones
Roar Rookie
No tears, just stating facts.
Garth Jones
Roar Rookie
I can't read the Courier-Mail anymore as they now want to charge me to do it so I come hear to read expert opinions and stupid comments.
AdamS
Roar Guru
Gallen is a grub and punches like a little girl. he was only reported for the swinging arm, will the 4 unprovoked punches be looked at? im sure he will be crying when the retribution comes
The eye
Guest
You're yet to hear anyone call for a change ? Try getting out of bed and looking at the front page of the Courier Mail..it's under the 'Mal under pressure ' line..and then go and tuck yourself back in,youre still a way off finding serenity.
Scott Minto
Guest
But parents will leave the game in droves oikee!
Renegade
Guest
I think Gal will liken his chances against the entire QLD squad on his own....
Renegade
Guest
Maybe Pearce was watching tapes of Thaiday and Tate during the week?....