Maybe we’re ready, and maybe we’re not. Maybe you’re ready, and maybe you’re not. After the past couple of weeks, I’m hoping none of that really matters.
Who am I talking to? Well, you… the soon-to-be first openly gay AFL footballer.
Maybe you’re reading this in your local nail salon while getting your weekly mani-pedi, or listening to your Lady Gaga albums as you colour-code your ridiculously oversized wardrobe.
Or maybe stereotypes are rubbish and you’re just a young man who loves playing footy, is attracted to other men and hates The Real Housewives of Atlanta just as much as the rest of us self-appointed ‘normal’ blokes.
I want to talk to you about ignorance, about strength, about courage and about timing.
I’ve been lucky enough to meet Nicky Winmar on a few occasions and speak to him personally about the issue of racism in the AFL. Nicky, as you know, is the man who took a stand.
Before Nicky, decades of abuse went by with no more than a whimper. Cable, Jackson, Farmer, Krakouer, Rioli… the names are synonymous with football’s elite, but these men were treated like animals by many. Maybe they fought back every now and then, had a wrestle, pissed in a teammate’s shampoo bottle, fired back a retort to an opposition supporter.
But it wasn’t until 1993, when Winmar pulled up his jumper and pointed to his skin that things began to change.
It didn’t happen overnight. That moment was the first step in a sometimes painful, often slow process to outlawing racial vilification.
Just two years after Nicky’s stand, Damien Monkhorst was named and shamed by Michael Long, followed by one of the more awkward press conferences and forced handshakes you’ll ever see.
In 2011 Gold Coast Sun Joel Wilkinson was named to play his first game, only to have that memory ruined by Western Bulldog Justin Sherman.
Of course, it all came full circle two weeks ago.
A young girl uttered a few little words, and seconds later the football world came to a grinding halt.
Adam Goodes broke the fourth wall. The girl was evicted. Goodes left the ground, clearly distressed. Bruce McAvaney’s voice exhibited genuine concern. Eddie McGuire did the right thing at the right time, before completely screwing up a few days later.
In his post-match press conference John Longmire stood up for Goodes, maybe an easy option, but not the only option. 25 years ago there was no sign of support in such instances.
Twitter caught alight with tributes from the football fraternity – Matthew Pavlich, James Kelly, Joel Selwood, all stood tall for a man fighting a battle they could never truly understand.
I’m not Indigenous. I’m not gay. I’ve lived my life as a white male, average height, average weight, slotted somewhere in the lower middle class of Australia. Sure, there have been moments I’d rather forget, but it’s impossible for me to understand the impact such words can have on someone, pointed at their race – something Indigenous people are proud of, but expected to be ashamed of by many.
In hindsight, Goodes couldn’t have handled the situation any better. He halted the lynch mob which had already started gathering pitchforks and torches in pursuit of a 13 year old. He explained why it hurt, why it made him react with such disbelief. He spoke openly with the media, and he stood up for his people at a time when it would have been easier to just walk away.
The last part is the most important. The strength Goodes showed to take a stand that night took courage and pride. Had it been a young player in his position, that player may have just kept running. Instead he went public, and the football world stood alongside him.
Doing such a thing is not the norm. Be it race, religion, appearance, disability, or sexual orientation, there are people copping discrimination every day who find it easier to keep running.
The AFL Players’ Association recently launched a campaign against the use of homophobic language in football. Some big names spoke out: Jobe Watson, Lenny Hayes, Luke Ball. Some small names too, like Matt Spangher, the guy you’ve probably never heard of who wanted to take a stand for his gay sister, as did Carlton midfielder Brock McLean.
NBA basketball veteran Jason Collins came out in April. He sat down with an experienced, trustworthy journalist and opened his heart in a piece titled ‘I’m a 34 year old NBA center. I’m black and I’m gay’. He talked about fear of exclusion, personal denial, about waiting for the right time.
Collins is still alive. He hasn’t been struck by lightning, he’s likely to get another contract in the NBA. Kobe Bryant, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, NBA Commissioner David Stern… none could have been more supportive of Collins after the announcement.
There will always be the idiots, the Neanderthals, or those who hide their prejudice behind religion. There will always be politicians too scared to do the right thing for fear of losing their position.
Those people aren’t going away, and neither should you.
Being gay is not a choice, it just is. Just like I didn’t choose to have bad knees or a hairy chest or a silky smooth jump shot. Just like you didn’t choose to be a redhead, or a great singer, or short, or have that birthmark under your left armpit.
Nor is it a negative thing. It’s just a thing.
There are footballers who do drugs, there are footballers who study computer science, some who love the NBA, others who will eventually be coaches. There are some from single-parent families and others from strong footballing backgrounds. There are also some AFL footballers who are homosexual, and plenty of those likely fit into more than one of the above groups as well.
So why do we need you to come out? Well, we don’t. But there are people out there who do.
There’s a 15 year old kid who just quit footy because he was confused about his feelings. There’s another who hates going to training because he hears the words ‘gay’ or ‘fag’ or ‘poofta’ thrown about in exchange for weak or soft.
Suicide in Australia is highest among young homosexual males and Indigenous youth, often struggling to come to terms with being different and the ridicule that ensures.
Maybe you can’t take a physical stand like Nicky Winmar or Adam Goodes.
I’m not sure I’d ever possess the amount of courage it will take for you to come forward, to ignore the Jason Akermanises of the world, to tune out the hate, to answer hundreds of questions about your private life, to deal with the media circus that will follow.
But I’m hoping you’ll take strength from Adam Goodes, John Longmire, Luke Ball, Nicky Winmar, maybe even this column, in realising that while there will always be those who would prefer we lived in a world where everybody looked, dressed, acted and danced the same, there are also those that want equality, fairness and the freedom to be unique.
Be the first, take the stand, show your strength and your pride. If we aren’t ready in a time of Will & Grace, Omar Little, the purple Teletubby, Bob Brown and Jason Collins… when will we be?
Maybe we’re not all ready. But I hope, and I think, that you’re ready enough for all of us.
Ryan Daniels writes and podcasts about AFL and Fantasy Football on his website Footy Rhino, where this column originally appeared. He’s on Twitter @FootyRhino.
Jason Clarke
Roar Rookie
I reckon gay footballers play the game better then their straight counterparts.
Pete
Guest
Ryan , I don't know who you are, or where you are from, but I salute you. This column is sensible, considered and reasonable. I am a gay guy who, in my teens , played footy in a little country town. I was called all sorts of things, and copped a fair bit of physical and verbal abuse - I stopped playing then. I came out at 30, after a bit of soul searching, and had my environment been less hateful, I would have done it much earlier. I know for a fact that there are gay guys that play AFL at senior level. I also know that their potential worst enemy if they do come out, is my community, my gay community. We have a history of elevating and almost exploiting those who have a public profile that then come out. We demand they speak for us on all issues regardless of whether they agree or not. I salute the first player with the courage to come out, but I also hope he can be treated with the dignity and respect he deserves. Thanks for the article.
Alex
Guest
Nailed it! I'm not sure why some people have so much trouble wrapping their heads around the concepts on adulthood and consent.
DJ SAXON
Guest
Sensational original post, and equally, many carefully considered responses. The Tasmanian (Nic). His attestation that he has two GREAT parents really resonates. Does anyone really watch their 'favorite game' and wonder about the players' sexuality or race? Apparently so. If we were all of us truly 'liberated' and 'free thinking', this shouldn't even be a topic of discussion. Just sit back and enjoy the game.
Kiwi Chook
Guest
Well, I think there would be a lot of prejudice too, unfortunately. Take it from a gay man ex of New Zealand. Lots of things to love about life in Australia, but our comparative levels of acceptance in the broader society is not one of them. The Yanks are ahead of yu on this.
Bayman
Guest
Geoff, I understand what you are saying but I doubt the girl intended racism and, as a point of interest, I do think that matters. A reasonable person might think no racism intended, ergo, no racism involved. I do, however, take your point that others may see it differently and indeed, in today's timid climate, they will be falling over themselves to see it as you suggested. If only so others will think well of them. The fact people may associate racism better reflects their view of the world. It may be how they think, it's not how I think. Frankly. I'm well over the politically correct bulldust. Goodes heard what he wanted to hear and interpreted it how he wanted to interpret it. That doesn't mean he was right. As you said, white guys have also been called apes, gorillas, whatever. They don't care. I don't care. The AFL is always telling us that aborigine players are just the same as white players and should be treated accordingly. In simple terms, I agree. But the AFL has an Indigenous Round so the AFL think there is some sort of difference. The aborigines have a flag which suggests they think there is a difference. Matt Rendell got sacked for suggesting those differences needed to be handled differently to white players. Liam Jurrah proves every day that Rendell was right. Perhaps if people had listened to what Rendell was really saying then Jurrah would not be the lost cause he is today. Or Collingwood's Krakouer wouldn't need a mid-season break, again. The issue I have is that nobody is allowed an alternate view without incurring the wrath of the PC dribblers. I presume I will be marked forever because I find "Welcome to country" ceremonies cringe-worthy, PC nonsense. And I have the same opinion of the national anthem being sung on any flimsy excuse at any and every sporting event. With all the guilt going around in Australia these days I'm beginning to think we must all be Catholic! Still, as long as there is a prayer room at the MCG everthing will be fine. Oh dear, Geoffrey, I've done it again!!!
Nick
Roar Guru
+1
Rick M
Guest
I'm really encouraged by this entire story and these replies...awesome! In fact I'm sending it to one of the MLC's that voted against marriage equality and was a football umpire. When he voted against marriage equality he still thought being gay was a choice. In regards to footy, during the briefings to Tasmanian legislative council, a guy names Nic who had two Mums (and he happens to be straight) said he didn't have two gay parents, just two GREAT parents. I have to hope that if someone comes out in football, they won't be the gay footballer, they'll just still be considered a great footballer. Thanks for the entire story, but even better is reading a stack of great comments.
Geoff Lemon
Expert
Good comment. Interesting read.
Geoff Lemon
Expert
Bayman, there's a very important distinction to make here. Calling any person an ape isn't necessarily racial in its intent. Big (white) blokes are called gorillas in a sporting context, for instance - this is true. However - and it's a very big however - you are talking about a term that has historically been and still is frequently used by white people to denigrate non-whites as inferior. That is a massive part of the context of the term. In any town with a fair-sized Aboriginal population, you'll hear 'monkey' or 'animal' or similar used about them before too long by a white voice. With issues like this, you consider the historical context. It's like using blackface - we know it was historically used to insult black people, so someone's intentions in using it ("just a bit of fun") don't mean a thing. You talk about interpretation lying solely with the target. That's a misreading. No-one is saying that a target can interpret anything as racist and be taken seriously. If she'd called Goodes an idiot, he couldn't have claimed that was racist because it has no specific context as a racist jibe. Monkey or ape comments, from a white girl to a black man, sit within a comprehensively racist context. In that case, her intention genuinely doesn't matter, because a reasonable person could interpret that comment as having a racial loading. And in this case, a very reasonable person did.
RAM
Guest
Stated perfectly!
Bayman
Guest
Geoff, I take your point...and agree.
Bayman
Guest
Rick, Being gay is not your choice and not your problem...it's a problem for others, especially those who think you've made a choice! Fear is what drives most people's view of homosexuality. Fear of what people will think, fear of being associated with a gay person, just fear. Years ago, I moved to Sydney and a few weeks after arriving my partner (female) and I were invited to a new year's party. The party giver was my partner's gay hairdresser - so I knew he was gay, had met him, and had no issue. What I had not thought through was that he was holding the party. My girlfriend and I turned up - to thirty-five gay men and us. Culture shock does not begin to cover it. However, by the time the night was over (two more straight couples had arrived by then) one of those gay men had become a mate and we saw him frequently until he died of AIDS several years later. He was a good bloke. Funny, caring, intelligent, interesting, loved our young children. Whatever phobias I may have had were cured that new year's eve. The spectrum of behaviour and appearance was massive. Straight looking people and rampant queens. All gay and none of them gave a stuff. Ever since that night I simply don't give a shite. It's not what you are, it's who you are. People are fascinated by the unknown and fearful of it. It's why we have religion. Call it human nature. I recommend they attend a party with thirty-five gay guys. It certainly gives you a different view of the world.
Bayman
Guest
Paul, "Calling an aboriginal person an ape is racist" You may think so, Adam Goodes may think so.....but I doubt the girl thought so. And, for the argument, I don't think so. I do think the notion that the interpretation lies solely with the target is precious, pious clap-trap, politically correct nonsense. It leaves open the possibility that any comment may be deemed offensive and be legislated against. It's the thin end of the wedge against free speech. Others will say, "Of course it is not", but their expectation will almost certainly be that this attitude will not be taken to extremes. This was essentially the rationale of proposed federal government legislation which, hopefully, has disappeared down a deep, dark hole. Human nature, however, should prepare us for the worst because people, and particularly politicians, are basically stupid....and nasty. Try criticising the Saudi royal family, for example. Educate, certainly, but suppress at your peril. It could be that the girl, and Eddie for that matter, were referring to Goodes size and strength when equating him with an ape. The racist connection tells us more about those who made the connection than it does about those who made the comment. We don't know what they were thinking.....we just think we do. Personally, I think Goodes was wrong. That doesn't mean the last person to call him that wasn't being racist. It's nice to know that ape now means black. I always thought it meant...ape!
Geoff Lemon
Expert
Hi Bayman. Thanks for the comment, well considered from you as always. I was well aware what the original poster's comment was implying, I just didn't want to be drawn on that particular association. I loathe the tendency of some people to persistently link homosexuality with child abuse. The two don't deserve any sort of association. It's grossly unfair and it's damaging. And even me having to write that there's no association means I'm publicly making some kind of link between the two. It's well past time for us to move past that ignorant perspective.
Geoff Lemon
Expert
The entire point of this article is that the sport is well behind the times. Who has claimed anything different? What are you even talking about?
Bayman
Guest
Geoff, a great response and well considered.....however, I took 'Jets' comment to be a reference to things other than homosexuality. For example, paedophilia, which I assume is a behaviour in which the person has no great choice, like homosexuality. It just is. However, the fact that 'it just is' doesn't make it acceptable to society because people, and young people at that, get hurt. Homosexuality, per se, does not harm anyone. The problem has always been society's inability to handle anything other than the accepted norms. Hopefully, we are getting past that. It's generalisation, sure, but I find the lower the intelligence (or the education), the greater the prejudice. And the reason is fear. Fear of what we do not know, fear of what people will think. Fear that it is a choice that people make - and if they can, I can. It's a dilemma. I'd happily shoot a paedophile yet understand it's not a lifestyle choice. It's the deal that person has been dealt through chemistry and biology. He's driven (it's always a male, isn't it) to that behaviour like footballers these days are driven to kick a goal by running it along the ground instead of kicking it through the air. No logic. It just is. We can only be happy that what drives our behaviour is socially acceptable. Unlike others. It's a tough gig to be different.
late1
Guest
Just as I was gearing up for a response, you've said it all. Well done Geoff.
late1
Guest
No-one threw gay slurs at Omar. Not for long, anyway. S'all in the game, yo
fishes
Guest
Plus the NRL has an openly gay referee. Don't believe the Melbourne AFL propaganda machine, they are not leading the way on this.