In the great southern colonies this Saturday, a group of representatives from Wales, and some other British Isles, will bear witness the coronation of King George VII!
Like King George, the first of his name, he has been called from afar to sit the crown and rule the people of Good Britain, in the absence of any other suitable candidates.
But unlike his namesake, who ruled in the name of Rome, George VII seeks to rule in the name of House Wallaby.
His ascension will mark a glorious return to his rightful seat on the throne, after retiring the southern seat to rule the new rugby colonies in the far east.
However the joy of his Lordship’s return has been tempered thrice.
First by news that squire Gill shall have to lay aside his shield, after earning many honours in two brave battles, of which they already sing songs in the slums and wine taverns!
Further by the announcements that Ser Warburton of Wales and Ser Brian of Driscoll shall not have the pleasure of meeting George the VII, The Dreadlord of Cromer, on the battlefield, as they shall take no further part in the tourney!
Sadly this signifies the last time Ser Brian will have led a Northern banner into battle, although Ser Warburton shall carry the Wyvern and the Lion into battle for many years to come, and possibly sit upon the throne, very much in the mould of the VII, whom he will unfortunately never get the pleasure of having opposed.
With the usurper, Richard the Black, in exile across the sea of the Long White Clouds and young Prince Pocock tending to the King’s horses, it means all four great pretenders to the throne shall be watching from their respective sidelines.
With the other unfortunate issue surrounding the Squire of Connor and his position in the melee, one can only hope the presence of King George will inspire such awe among his kin and strike such fear into his foe, that even The Bieber can rise to a level more befitting of a knight of Wallaby Gold!
Again Lord Mowen will play true to his name and do plenty of work on the turf. The Hound has been tireless in battle and while his jousting hasn’t been terribly effective, he has challenged more men than any other in hand to hand combat, and left many a bruise!
The Mountain, Ser Cliff, needs to embrace some elements of his name more than others. By some reports, Lord Not Kefu has been spending too much time impersonating a large immovable geographic landmass, rather than rising over all as a monument of strength standing against forces of nature!
After working with the colonies best Maesters all week to have his legs amputated, it is hoped Ser Alexander can squat his arse low enough to engage properly in battle, and provide the likes of Ser Kurtley of Schooners and his squire Ser Israel Threeballs with lots of room to use their horses.
At least we will rejoice now that the great one will be afield to thwart the oldest foe and we will raise our cups to King George!
The Other George, The Corsair of Canberra,The True King, Predator, Defender of Roundabouts, the Prince of Pilfer, The Burley Griffin Bandit, George The VII…
The King has returned!!!
Elijah Weightman
Roar Guru
Love the show and love the article. Nice work Tom. Ser Kurtley of Schooners, how apt.
mcxd
Guest
Nice work
TomWatson
Guest
So much more I could have included, I wish I thought of this at the start of the tour!?! Particularly for those who are avid Thrones readers... Izzy Mo Nizzy the Pentoshi sellsword, turncloak, Threeballs, Contractsbain, who has forsaken the Harpy to follow the old gods and fight to reinstate King George of Rugby as the True King! Robbie as Tywin, protecting his three offspring, Ser Quade the Kingslayer, feared warrior but tarnished by an unforgivable sin which shall forever overshadow his reputation. His sister and lover Cersei, The Beiber, who is sabotaging the throne from within. And their brother, The Imp, Kurtley of Schooners, who spends all his time drinking and whoreing, but you just know he is going to play an important role in the story, whether it be good or bad? Mackenzie as Varys, the bald eunuch, scheming and plotting to rule from the shadows. Or Smithy could be Robert Baratheon, ready to retire, going out for one last pig hunt! Beiber is Joffrey, the pretentious heir apparent, Warburton is Eddard Stark, beheaded before the battle begun. The King Of The North, Ser Brian of Driscoll, the Wolf, cut down at the red wedding, after being undefeated in battle.
Ricky Stuart's Beard
Guest
Tom you are a legend, that was quality... "Ser Kurtley of Schooners and his squire Ser Israel Threeballs" is pure gold! I may have been laughing a little too hard reading this behind the desk at work when some guests walked in (Hotel). I was trying to sign them in and couldn't get the smirk off my face, may be a little awkward next time they come in.
AdamS
Roar Guru
"Threeballs".... Rotfl.
RebelRanger
Guest
HA! Best article I've read this week. And its Ser Richard, the 'Nights King'. A legendary Lord Commander whom together with his brothers who have taken the Black, kept the Bledisloe of Valyrian steel from House Wallaby.
Hambone
Guest
Long live the KING
CKG
Guest
Have no fear Red Block, 'twas the first test that reflected the red wedding, with brave lords Lilo, Patrick and Berrick suffering the fate of the Starks.
Red Block
Guest
Lets hope that the Wallabies won't be like the real Game of Thrones and a number of the lead characters are defeated and killed off after much plotting and treachery. Actually if they lose, there's one who might be heading for a Ned Stark type beheading.
Sage
Guest
You had me from "thrice". Really well put together piece Tom, enjoyed it. The Dreadlords return has certainly added another dimension to tonight's decider. Maybe even the great JRR will tune in from the netherworld to witness the true "Return of The King", even if he would support the Lions. Will King George sit the throne long enough to also challenge the Darkness from the long cloud country at their Orkland fortress? Interesting times for man and beast.