Watch the Throne: a millenial's guide to the Super Rugby finals

We are at the business end of Super Rugby now. Even the defending champion Chiefs will put their title on the line this on Saturday.

For those younger people perhaps struggling to make a connection with rugby, or have drifted during a long season, I have the “Millenials guide to the Super Rugby finals” to help you.

There are no bigger names in pop-culture than Kanye West and Jay-Z in the Gen-Y mind. So you’ll understand when I say their collaboration Watch the Throne captures the sentiments of the Super Rugby finals perfectly.

WTT is all about revelling in success and daring a challenger to match their level of opulence and achievement.

Come finals time there is No Church in the Wild.

It’s lawless out there, no one’s going to stop and say a prayer before doing someone in. There’s no mistakes unpunished, no concentration lapses are forgiven.

This is the throne being fighting for. After all, you may think you’re good but, “What’s a king to a God/What’s a God to a non-believer?”

That throne isn’t going to come easy. It won’t just be handed over, someone’s going to have to take it.

With that in mind, here are the teams remaining in the hunt to take that crown.

Crusaders
The Crusaders are a ruthless bunch of marauders at the best of times.

Watching their path of destruction against the Reds last week was like watching the infamous “Red Wedding” scene from Game of Thrones.

If you haven’t seen it, this is a clip made of people’s reactions while seeing it for the first time.

There is brutality but then there is complete disregard for your opponent to the point where even neutral viewers struggle to remain composed.

When it comes to the winning in the finals, where there is no next week for the loser, no team has more established credentials than the Crusaders.

When it comes to being the cold-hearted, devastating and refusing to take prisoners they are the men to call on, they’ve don’t it what seems like a million times already and are back for more.

Even after starting the year slowly – with Richie McCaw off flying planes, Dan Carter struggling with injury and Israel Dagg off with the fairies – the Crusaders always have an air of, “don’t let me get into my zone, I’m definitely in my zone,” as Mr West so eloquently states in the epic track Ni**as in Paris.

Brumbies
Sometimes I put my iPod on “shuffle” just to see what musical atrocities are hidden in the far reaches of my library.

Every now and then a song like Everywhere by Michelle Branch will turn up in rotation (although, cough, there’s no rotating an mp3). This is the kind of song that isn’t musically good, but still transports me to a simpler time.

That, Gen-Y with your earphones permanently stuck in your ear, is the 2012 Brumbies.

Watching this Brumbies team go round so successfully reminds many a fan long of those simpler, winninger times. Times when they won championships and era’s were labelled as ‘golden’!

After a while there’s a strong temptation to start critiquing what you’re experiencing now, so far down the track. Are these guys the real deal? Is this flowing champagne rugby the likes of Larkham, Gregan and co would be proud of?

Eventually you start doubting your choice and whether this replay is worthy. You wonder if a team that won a preliminary final without scoring a try is worthy of airtime in your Brumbies catalogue.

My friend, you’re asking the wrong questions.

Is this jam good enough to chuck on in the car when you’re driving home late from somewhere? Did you jump of your couch with a small fist-pump when Riaan Smit’s kick hit the upright last week?

Of course you did. There’s nothing better than winning. There’s nothing better than being transported to that simple place again.

My mind drifts back to what it was like in high school, listening to Everywhere. I didn’t have to justify that taste to anyone, prove it’s worth on a grand scale or any of that musical snobbery – it was simple and worked.

Brumbies fans, don’t justify your closeness to the Brumbies this year.

You’re back in the winner’s circle. You’ve got a strong chorus, a decent guitar solo and that heart-grabbing pause before the final chorus – when you frantically defend on the tryline to hold on and win – is down pat.

Heck, as a Waratahs fan I haven’t even had a ‘golden era’ of Super Rugby to be nostalgic about. And in case you didn’t notice, my team has been erased from this year’s competition already.

Ouch, this starting to sound like one-hit wonder Wheatus and “Teenage Dirtbag”, never really there and now disappeared.

Bulls
Sometimes I have to admit generations that came before me knew what they were doing. Millennial’s have a hard time admitting it, but it’s true.

Take U2 for example, they’re a good band. Just because they started doing what they do before Twitter or Facebook existed doesn’t mean it wasn’t worthwhile.

I’ve been reliably informed they started doing their thing before the internet too and I’ll just take their word for it because Wikipedia wasn’t around that long ago.

Look at this 1987 performance of Sunday Bloody Sunday, a song written in 1983.

I know. It almost seems like they were aware of how to make good, catchy, rocking, meaningful music work in a live concert!

In much the same way, rugby teams from South Africa like the Bulls, have been doing what they do since before you were a twinkle some poor woman’s eye.

Long before you were born South Africa has been turning blocks of stone into rugby forwards and setting them loose on unsuspecting teams.

They put those hunks of rock out in front of a man with a metronomic hammer as a leg who will punish the ball over the uprights every chance he gets.

Go on, search YouTube yourself. See how long Bono has been hitting the same notes. Over and over again.

Change the set or the lights and it still works.

Well the Bulls can do the same thing. It doesn’t matter if they wear horrendous pink jersey’s or have to contend with the five-second rule at the base of the ruck, they’re still going to smash you to pieces.

You didn’t see Limp Bizkit being offered a huge contract by Apple to promote the iPod did you? Nope, it was U2. The bankable, dependable band who’ve been doing it for years.

It’s very smart when you think about it; once you win in a certain way, repeating it makes sense. They’ve had success over the years and even recent success – three titles in the last six seasons is a strong return.

The last time the Bulls took the throne was 2010. That’s more recent than any of the remaining sides to win a championship than everyone bar the reigning champions.

Chiefs
We finish with the clan currently sitting on the throne. The crown is theirs to lose, and beginning this weekend they’ll be accepting challenges for the ruling seat.

The Chiefs are the Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry, Justine Timberlake and Justin Beiber of this competition. It’s all flashing lights, fancy moves and brash lyrics from the men out of Waikato.

If you’re looking for a show, a good time a score (try) from anywhere, this is the team to keep your eye on.

They didn’t get to the top without doing the hard yards, but they didn’t forsake the thrill’s on the way either.

They’re there now and it’s been exciting to watch them defend the throne in a, very “Who gon’ stop me?” manner.

This season hasn’t been a cake-walk, there may have been hiccups along the way but they’ll be raring to go from here now that everything is on the line.

So what if more than once they’ve raced out to massive early leads and then relaxed only to find the game in the balance or out of their grasp before they wake up again?

Beiber may have accidentally hit someone in his beautiful white Ferrari and caused a stir. But when push comes to shove, he’s got a Ferrari and you’re still driving a car you tell people is good enough to “get you from A to B”.

If someone wants what the Chiefs have they’re going to go have to take it from them.

As Beyonce so eloquently states on “Lift Off”, “We gon’ take it to the moon, take it to the stars.” And the Chiefs, as their backs execute a perfect set-piece move, are asking you, “How many do you know can take it this far?”