The Brisbane Broncos have hit back angrily at claims that they are “no longer the glamour club” by releasing a strongly-worded statement to the media in which the club responded “OMG we so totally are, it’s not funny”.
“That fat Cowboy has been spreading rumours about us again just because they’re jelly that we might get the fabulous Cameron Smith. Well little sister, you just watch and envy,” the statement continued again.
The club has plummeted from ‘hottie’ to ‘nottie’ in recent seasons since the gorgeous Darren Lockyer retired and ended a long period of simply divine yumminess and scrumminess.
Lockyer urged the struggling NRL powerhouse to lure noted fashionista Smith back to his childhood home by paying him in diamonds, gold jewellery, makeovers, store credit cards and overseas shopping trips.
Speaking exclusively to my imaginary assistant, Lockyer defended his former club.
“I’m not saying they’re on the cutting edge of every trend these days but the Broncos are still way cool and hip.”
“Gone are the days when Tonie Carroll could sell nail polish. Maybe Peter Wallace isn’t the last word in half-back’s handbags.
“No more will we see Andrew Gee demonstrating man waxing and Gorden Tallis modeling the latest in player lingerie.
“But we’re still hot! We still turn heads!” he cried in mounting hysteria.
“You just don’t GET IT,” he screamed before mincing furiously out of the room in tears and slamming his door.
Broncos management offered what they hope will be a comprehensive plan to revitalise the club and rediscover the aura the club enjoyed in the 90s and naughties.
Plans include installing disco lights and a catwalk in the weights room, weekly additions of glitter to the training paddock and relocating the club and its training grounds to Paris.
It’s understood the playing group agrees with the planned changes but are urging the club to go further.
One insider told me that they’re insisting on sequinned playing strips, especially designed wig headgear and high-heeled playing boots with matching sheer socks.
“The Panthers have cornered the pink thing, even though those fatties just can’t pull off the look”, the senior player told us, “the Gold Coast have the glitter strip thing going on, and the Roosters think they are just sooo cool being associated with Bondi,” he continued.
“Well they’re not, they’re all fat, ugly, up-themselves posers without any real style.
“When we’re done with our club makeover they’ll all be copying us again, you’ll see!”
But critics say it’s too little too late for the once trendsetters.
One observer recently tweeted “Lip gloss at training? Bright colours? What is this 2006? Puh-leeeaaase.”
The ensuing Twitter battle was over quickly, however the #noyourugly hashtag was trending worldwide before things settled down.
Meanwhile, Broncos hard man David Hala has been ruled out of the rest of the season following scans on a broken nail.
bully
Guest
and yet you bought dave taylor lmfao
Old Hand
Guest
Unlike the Sydney Car Salesmen, the North Shore Bozos and the Southern Logie Seekers, Broncos are closely watched by the salary cap auditor Ian Sherbet (all fizz). Not a level playing field at present.
Wayne Heming
Guest
Only reason Melb had Smith, Slater, GI and Folau was because they rorted the cap!!
Jake
Guest
Nice one Johnny. Hold your fingers up and count........ 1........ 2......... 3.......... I bet you still think that QLD have only won 6 series straight too?
alfie
Guest
Hook has to hope the changes he is making improve proformance of the team or he and his management team must take the responsability of the failure this season of the team and be replaced. Captain Thaiday must also take a hard look at him self,perhaps a change here is also required.
maximillian
Guest
its not about the funds its about who they are buying IMO. Civo retired, Beale left for the dragons & Yow Yeh was out with a long term injury. That means the Broncs need another prop & at least 1 outside back. Instead they sign a second rower in Stagg & a half in Prince?! I just don't understand that logic? As I mentioned in my post above, they have 4 rep backrowers so why sign Stagg? They have Wallace/Hunt/Norman so why sign another half? Sack the recruitment officer now & get someone to sign players the Broncs actually need.
Tony
Guest
Broncos recruitment strategy has obviously failed and they admitted it by signing Prince for this year. No halves = no win.
Cameron
Roar Guru
Probably right but has nothing to do with the above asked.
planko
Guest
Kellett if the Broncos continue to fail on the field the 2.73 will evaporate quick enough.
planko
Guest
Maroon the Channel 9 Parent company now owns Channel 9 Perth. As part of the purchase of rights for the cricket Win sold Channel 9 Perth to the mother ship. I do believe that come the next TV deal the Channel 9 will be very Keen on having something to show on Channel 9 Perth from Perth.
Cameron
Roar Guru
Don't disagree with you MB
Maroon Blood
Guest
Having lived here for 13 years and involved in the WARL Junior League for the last 9.....yeah, wouldn't mind! Oh, and 20K+ to the Bunnies/Warriors game says I'm not alone!
ferret
Guest
In Hunt's defence, for the past 3 years Hook has played him from the bench as a replacement hooker. He has had very few starts in the halves and, as soon as Prince or Wallace came back from injury, Hunt was back on the bench. So, I don't think a judgement can be made on his ability or lack thereof. What I will say is, that when he comes on the Broncos attack improves noticeably. When Norman won the 5/8th position (in front of Hunt) after Lockyer retired he was guaranteed at least half the season to settle in and play with little pressure. I feel under the current circumstances Hunt will be expected to deliver wins straight away. Let's see if he can convert his NYC form to the NRL. Hook has done the same with the front rowers, playing Thaiday, Anderson in front of Hala and Lui which smells to me like mollycoddling the younger kids. If they're good enough, they're old enough. This same mentality comes through with the signing of Prince and Stagg. I have a sneaking suspicion that Hook has been developing them "slowly" toward 2014 since very early this year.
Cameron
Roar Guru
So if he "deserves" it but isn't getting it, what does that say about the Broncos or Griffin?
The High Shot
Roar Pro
Hunt really hasn't had the kind of extended run in the halves he needs and probably deserves. The other Hunt is the one that really hurts. He was being groomed to take over from the mighty Lockyer but decided he'd go and chase a Sherrin around instead.
Cameron
Roar Guru
They did didn't they? Hunt and he's not that good. Great development... Not!
Cameron
Roar Guru
So what you're saying is you'd like to see a WA team?
Avatar
Roar Guru
Undoubtedly, the Brisbane Broncos were unbeatable with not just Lockyer, but also Webcke, Civoniceva and co. at the helm. Now that all those legends are gone, it's very clear the Broncs are in rebuilding mode. They appear set to miss the finals for only the second time since 1991, an indication of how far they have fallen since Lockyer retired at the end of 2011. Brisbane signing Scott Prince was the biggest mistake the club has ever made, in my opinion. The team need to develop a new halfback from the junior ranks, just like the Roosters did with Mitchell Pearce, the Sea Eagles with Daly Cherry-Evans, etc. Overall the Broncos need to have a good look at themselves and start laying the foundations for what should be a seventh premiership within the next decade. With the team they have at the moment, I can't see the team returning to the Grand Final any soon enough.
Maroon Blood
Guest
Off subject a little but it is an interesting fact that WA is the first of the Affiliated States (WA, SA, NT and Victoria) to reach 3000 registered Rugby League players. Has won the Affiliated States Championship four years running. More registered players than Victoria. More WA developed players have played NRL than Victorian ones. But Melbourne has the NRL team and WA are still in the wilderness. Just saying.....
Gaz
Guest
The so called recruitment team is most likely identifying players required, but you and I can do that however the profit they are making suggests they are battling to get the funds from management to allow them to buy those players. As per my previous post - the CEO is more intent in showing a profit then improving the team, or so it seems.