- Video
-
Club Roar
Captured a great grassroots sporting moment? We want to see it!Content Collections
The Roar Community
- Join
- Login
The Brisbane Broncos have hit back angrily at claims that they are “no longer the glamour club” by releasing a strongly-worded statement to the media in which the club responded “OMG we so totally are, it’s not funny”.
“That fat Cowboy has been spreading rumours about us again just because they’re jelly that we might get the fabulous Cameron Smith. Well little sister, you just watch and envy,” the statement continued again.
The club has plummeted from ‘hottie’ to ‘nottie’ in recent seasons since the gorgeous Darren Lockyer retired and ended a long period of simply divine yumminess and scrumminess.
Lockyer urged the struggling NRL powerhouse to lure noted fashionista Smith back to his childhood home by paying him in diamonds, gold jewellery, makeovers, store credit cards and overseas shopping trips.
Speaking exclusively to my imaginary assistant, Lockyer defended his former club.
“I’m not saying they’re on the cutting edge of every trend these days but the Broncos are still way cool and hip.”
“Gone are the days when Tonie Carroll could sell nail polish. Maybe Peter Wallace isn’t the last word in half-back’s handbags.
“No more will we see Andrew Gee demonstrating man waxing and Gorden Tallis modeling the latest in player lingerie.
“But we’re still hot! We still turn heads!” he cried in mounting hysteria.
“You just don’t GET IT,” he screamed before mincing furiously out of the room in tears and slamming his door.
Broncos management offered what they hope will be a comprehensive plan to revitalise the club and rediscover the aura the club enjoyed in the 90s and naughties.
Plans include installing disco lights and a catwalk in the weights room, weekly additions of glitter to the training paddock and relocating the club and its training grounds to Paris.
It’s understood the playing group agrees with the planned changes but are urging the club to go further.
One insider told me that they’re insisting on sequinned playing strips, especially designed wig headgear and high-heeled playing boots with matching sheer socks.
“The Panthers have cornered the pink thing, even though those fatties just can’t pull off the look”, the senior player told us, “the Gold Coast have the glitter strip thing going on, and the Roosters think they are just sooo cool being associated with Bondi,” he continued.
“Well they’re not, they’re all fat, ugly, up-themselves posers without any real style.
“When we’re done with our club makeover they’ll all be copying us again, you’ll see!”
But critics say it’s too little too late for the once trendsetters.
One observer recently tweeted “Lip gloss at training? Bright colours? What is this 2006? Puh-leeeaaase.”
The ensuing Twitter battle was over quickly, however the #noyourugly hashtag was trending worldwide before things settled down.
Meanwhile, Broncos hard man David Hala has been ruled out of the rest of the season following scans on a broken nail.
Reckon you can pick the winning team? Build your own dream team with Draftstars daily fantasy and compete on any match. For great odds on the NRL head on over to PlayUp. Imagine what you could be buying instead. Set a deposit limit.