My name is Brett, and I think I’m a Wallabies masochist

It’s been seven days since my last confession. Can I please get this over with and take my place upon the Soapbox of Truth?

And please book me in for the same time next week. Actually, just make it a recurring appointment…

The supposedly immobile South African forwards did a number on our pack
Nathan Sharpe called the Springbok pack the biggest set of forwards he’d ever seen, and all the talk in the lead-up – with the possible exception of Scott Allen’s ‘opportunities’ video last week – was that the big, Bok forwards would be overrun by the pace and mobility of the Wallabies pack.

Wrong.

Not only were the big ‘Boks not overrun, they did a fair chunk of overrunning themselves. Where the South Africans looked committed for the whole 80 minutes, the Wallabies often looked lethargic, lumbering from one phase to the next.

Just as we knew they would, the South African backrow worked very well, superbly well in fact, as a unit, whereas save for a few occasions where Ben Mowen and Scott Fardy combined well, the Wallabies loosies didn’t have anything like the cohesion required.

What’s really puzzling is that in terms of running metres and carries, the Springbok forwards certainly didn’t dominate the stats sheet relative to the Wallabies.

According to www.rugbystats.com.au, while Eben Etzebeth and Duane Vermuelen both topped the charts with 13m each for the ‘Boks, and Willem Alberts made another 12m, the Wallabies had Fardy and James Slipper making either side of 25m each, with another three starting forwards in double figures.

The Wallabies forwards made four offloads in the forwards to none from South Africa.

Therefore, it comes down to the quality of the metres made, and where they were made, and the effectiveness of the forwards at the attacking breakdown. And this is where the Wallabies were completely overwhelmed.

Whoever is the Wallabies breakdown coach has a lot of work ahead of him
Curiously, it’s not entirely clear which coach is responsible for the breakdown.

Officially, Jim McKay is the Attack coach, Andrew Blades is the set piece coach, and Nick Scrivener is the defence coach. I hope it’s not Scrivener, actually, because he has more than enough to worry about just looking after defence.

And perhaps that’s an issue in itself.

The most effective Australian Super Rugby team this year, the Brumbies, had Laurie Fisher looking after the breakdown as his sole focus.

Therefore, if all the Wallabies coaches are having input in how they play the breakdown, the message is either not getting through or it’s a mixed message from several voices, or worse, there’s no message at all.

Like the All Blacks over the previous fortnight, the Springboks slide defence just waited to be engaged by a Wallabies runner, and they committed as many or as few bodies into each breakdown as the situation required.

What’s more, if their first man in didn’t beat the first Wallaby support into the ruck, the subsequent Springboks into the contest either made it difficult for Will Genia to find clean ball, or they were rather quite effective at counter-rucking themselves.

In short, they just wanted it more, and that’s what turned the score into a record blowout.

The new scrum laws are not a disadvantage. Poor techniques from the back five are a disadvantage.
After Scott Allen’s great analysis video on the Wallabies scrum last week, and like I suspect many of us did, I paid close attention to the engagement height of the locks, and on the backrow scrummaging technique in general.

It soon became apparent that the Wallabies themselves hadn’t watched the video.

All too often, the locks were packing way too high, and all too often, there was next to no second shove due to the backrow looking to disengage early.

In what was obviously a tactic to help Genia get to the ball without disruption, Mowen would pull out from the centre of the scrum, and sort of re-engage in a token manner between Michael Hooper and a lock, while simultaneously shepherding Ruan Pienaar away from Genia.

It’s a good theory, but as the Wallabies found all night, as soon as the pressure came off from behind, the Springboks’ second shove almost always resulted in the Wallabies’ pack going backwards, which disrupted Genia’s ball anyway.

In all their concentration to get the ball out cleanly, the Wallabies were effectively disrupting their own ball.

On the South African feed, they were barely troubled all night, once again because of the lack of pressure coming from behind the front row.

Work off the ball is disappointing
In the 72nd minute, Israel Folau and Adam Ashley-Cooper combined well, both drawing their defenders to create an overlap and put James O’Connor in space. O’Connor made the break, took the ball deep into the ‘Boks 22 only to find he was by himself by the time the South African defenders arrived.

Once they drew their defenders, both Ashley-Cooper and Folau dropped out of the play completely, leaving Christian Lealiifano to come from midfield late in the piece and attempt to get somewhere near O’Connor.

He couldn’t, and the inevitable turnover eventuated with O’Connor forced to kick ahead.

The head-on shot showed Ashley-Cooper and Folau dropping off, and their lack of commitment to the play was obvious.

It wasn’t Folau’s only disappearance for the game, either. Check out his reaction to being burnt on the outside by Bryan Habana in the lead-up to Jean de Villiers’ 59th minute try.

It’s not as simple as ‘Just Give It To Folau’
Just as I try not to get frustrated by referees, I also try not to let commentary affect my viewing as a rule.

However, the plasma very nearly wore a remote on Saturday night, as the pleas from the Fox Sports commentators to Just Give It To Folau became annoyingly incessant.

The problem, Messrs Martin and Kearns and even Mr Kafer, is that at the times you were wanting Folau to get the ball, he was often in the wrong place, or was well covered.

Or both. But you kept on this. You even used a replay at one point, where Folau did indeed beat a South African defender one-on-one, as a justification for your free coaching advice.

But again, and if you haven’t noticed, with the forwards getting belted and the halves well marked as a result, the play was going sideways so often that Folau would have made very little difference.

And JGITF as a gameplan – the sole gameplan, as one of you suggested was all the Wallabies needed – is about as smart as having no plan at all. In fact, the two are pretty much the same.

JGITF is reducing the Wallabies to something desperate parents yell from the sidelines so that their Jimmy can get a win by virtue of the biggest kid on his team dominating possession.

JGITF is not the answer, and nor can Folau do it all on his own, both from a logistics and ability perspective. His game simply isn’t equipped for international domination of defenders yet.

Thankfully, this ridiculous plan was limited to the Fox Sports coverage. Channel Ten viewers were spared.

The Wallabies have conceded 112 points in three games
Have I mentioned already that Nick Scrivener has a lot on his plate as Defence coach? The Wallabies are averaging 3.7 tries a game in The Rugby Championship this year, and worryingly, one third of the points they’ve conceded overall have come in the last 20 minutes of games.

Somewhat surprisingly, the tackle numbers are actually getting better; what started at a truly porous 28 missed tackles and a 69% efficiency in the first Bledisloe, became a still terrible 20 missed and 75% efficiency in the second, to now “only” 16 missed tackles and 84% efficiency against the ‘Boks.

But again, it’s the manner in which the tackles are being missed. I haven’t seen so much jumper grabbing since someone last ran at me.

Even with the improvements on the stats sheet, the Wallabies defence is still plainly not up to international standard. General fitness must be lacking, too.

Four captains in the last 11 minutes. Seriously
It’s never a good look when the captain is dragged, but even less so when two of his replacements follow soon after. Genia came off in the 69th minute, passing the armband to Mowen. Mowen came off a minute later, leaving Stephen Moore to do the talking, and then he too was replaced in the 74th minute.

I thought Ben Alexander finished in charge, but it seems it may have been Ashley-Cooper.

It doesn’t really matter; the damage was done, and the senior players were as much to blame for the loss as the rookies.

A question for Perth: will Genia remain captain, if he’s wearing no.21 as perhaps he should?

McKenzie suggested post-match that “dumbing down” and that simplifying things might be order
I’d have to agree, Ewen.

It seems from my couch that the Wallabies either can’t execute the current plan effectively, or their basic skill levels won’t let them anyway.

Eight handling errors among 22 turnovers suggest it might be a bit of both.

With Argentina just as desperate for a win, and playing the abrasive game they do, things aren’t going to get easier for the Wallabies this week. It might even be the hardest game so far.

By all means, simplify. I’d start with playing a territory game and manning up in defence. Having 55-60% of possession and territory as the Wallabies have had over the last three games has amounted to three tries all up.

Playing in with all the ball isn’t producing results, particularly when it’s coughed up so regularly, so it might as well be a different approach. Just something different would be a start.

Thanks for listening, fellow masochists. I’ve alighted from atop the soapbox. See you again next week…