My loveable larrikin ratings for the Aussie Test team

With Australia Day fast approaching, I wanted to pay homage to the loveable larrikin. To me it’s a term that is synonymous with Australia and embodied in the Australian people.

I could think of no better way of doing this than by looking at the victorious Australian cricket Test team.

The touring squad of England were considered favourites to retain the Ashes, having recently rolled Australia over three nil, in the Old Dart (albeit not completely convincingly).

Yet, so comprehensively did the baggy greens crush the visiting Poms, both in sporting and spiritual endeavour that the remaining rabble appears shell shocked.

What made the victory even sweeter for the hosts was that they completed the rout, remarkably, with the same 11 men. It is these fine men that I shall attempt to rate in terms of their loveable larrikin rating (LLR).

CJL Rogers: 463 runs at 46.30
Bucky is the quiet achiever. Having plied his trade both in Australia and England for the last ten years and reaching a FC average a smidge under 50, he finally received the recognition he richly deserved, at age 35.

What a strange notion that appears now. However, as a short-sighted and colour blind ranga, he’s probably not the first mate you’d turn to for support, in a bar room brawl.

Little known fact…he’s a cousin to Australian grand chess master, Ian Rogers. LLR = 2/10

DA Warner: 523 runs at 58.11
Davo, on the other hand, is the man you would definitely turn to. In fact, you probably wouldn’t even need to, because he’d be the guy who started the brawl in the first place.

Always there to offer opposing batsmen a bit of encouragement, this sultan of sledge is the best of the barrackers. With a bat or microphone in his hands, he is always likely to stir up a storm. LLR = 10/10

SR Watson: 345 runs at 38.33 and 47.4 overs, 4 for 122
Ah, the enigma that is Watto. Love him or loathe him, no-one doubts he is imbued with enormous talent, as well as good looks and great hair.

Infamously expelled for thumbing his nose at management by refusing to do his homework, he eventually had the last laugh by outlasting his erstwhile tormentor, Mickey Arthur.

Often criticised for looking like he’s about to burst into tears, he seems to have rediscovered his love of the game under the new coach and is currently enjoying a fine run of form. LLR = 5/10

MJ Clarke: 363 runs at 40.33
Pup continues to reinvent himself. He fell out of favour with the Australian public and even team mates, for putting his celebrity lifestyle ahead of his cricket and was even booed by his own supporters. There were constant rumours of rifts between Clarkey and other players, notably Watto.

However, since relinquishing responsibility for selection and brilliantly leading his team with great tactical nous, he has again won over the crowds.

With some fearsome looking ink and his gentle reminder to Jimmy Anderson, regarding the dangers of playing MJ without an arm guard, his reputation for showing some mongrel has rocketed.

Without doubt the classiest act in the team. LLR = 7/10

SPD Smith: 327 runs at 40.87 and 11 overs, 1 for 58
My personal favourite in this Aussie Test team.

A precocious talent who I’d love to see develop his bowling more. His baby-faced looks remind me of Beavis.

At 24 he’s the youngest player by some margin and is understandably a quiet member of the group who has yet to even earn an amusing and original moniker, like Davo and Watto. Already being touted as a future Australian captain. LLR = 3/10

GJ Bailey: 183 runs at 26.14
A slightly surprising addition to the Test squad, poor Hector has become the very much expected first casualty.

A devastating white ball player, he couldn’t quite transfer his skills into the red ball arena. However, he will forever be remembered for equalling the great Brian Lara’s record for runs off an over.

Also known as Smiley, which might be another reason why Jimmy Anderson wanted to punch him in the face. LLR = 6/10

BJ Haddin: 493 runs at 61.62
Prior to the Pom’s disastrous tour, many people were dismissive of this 36-year-old keeper’s deservedness of another cap.

Yet, it is easily Hadd’s unyielding batting that broke the spirit of England’s bowlers more than any other player. With one ton and five fifties, he constantly pulled his team from the precipice of disaster, allowing them to set-up humiliating victories over the old enemy.

This Aussie battler has repeatedly triumphed in the face of adversity and continues to keep a smile on his face (take note, Watto). LLR = 9/10

MG Johnson: 165 runs at 27.5 and 188.4 overs, 37 for 517
Another player who many doubted, Midge terrorised the opposition with short pitched bowling into the mid-riff, at searing pace.

With numerous MOM performances, it wasn’t surprising that the tattooed tyrant claimed Man of the Series (and later the Allan Border Medal). Another bowler all too willing to let the batsman have his opinion on their feeble efforts. MJ, the moustachioed menace, was a revelation this summer. LLR = 9/10

RJ Harris: 117 runs at 23.40 andamp; 166.2 overs, 22 for 425
Ryano was always expected to cause England some damage, as he was considered the best of a very good bowling set-up. However, he pleasantly surprised everyone by also managing to stay fit for all five matches, an achievement that has often eluded him due to dodgy knees.

His first ball dismissal of Captain Cook, in the second innings at the WACA will remain indelibly etched, nightmarishly, to my mind.

God only knows what poor Cook felt. Kudos for tweeting that Perth casino bouncers are wankers. LLR = 8/10

PM Siddle: 38 runs at 6.33 and 156.4 overs, 16 for 386
Sid Vicious had a pretty quiet series by his standards, but was the most economical of all six players to turn their arm.

I think the lack of red meat in his diet might be a factor in his diminished returns.

I also believe he’s developing simian characteristics by eating 15 bananas a day, but he’s always good value for giving departing batsmen a spray. LLR = 4/10

NM Lyon: 60 runs and never out! 176.2 overs, 19 for 558
CA seem to have finally come to terms with the loss of Warnie and have settled on Lyon as their premier tweaker.

At one stage I wondered if they were going to let Ch9 select the preferred choice, based on a game show such as ”Australia’s Got Spinners” or “So You Think You Can Spin?”, hosted by Mark Nicholas and judged by Slats, Tubby, Heals and Brayshaw.

I like Lyon. Another Aussie battler, who’s done the hard yards. Groundsman at Adelaide Oval to Test player. Special mention for leading the team song too. LLR = 6/10

So, there we have it. Have a great Australia Day everyone! 🙂