In a bold move designed to address the recent spate of baffling referee decisions, NRL boss Dave Smith has decided to appoint Stephen Hawking as the sole video referee for NRL games.
“Clearly there has been some recent dislocation in the space-time continuum, causing video referees to witness completely different events to those seen by observers on planet earth,” Smith said today. “For this reason I chose to look for a prominent scientific figure to solve this problem.
“Originally I had intended to appointed Sheldon Leonard from The Big Bang Theory. However I discovered that not only are Sheldon and Leonard different people, named in honour of TV producer Sheldon Leonard, but that the show is not a documentary.
“And although Professor Hawking appeared as a yellow skinned animated character on The Simpsons he apparently actually exists.”
Mr Smith expressed a desire, if the move is successful, to expand the use of consultants.
“There are many mysteries in the game that cry out for investigation,” Smith said, “One would have to wonder about the reasoning behind the pointless rule changes we made, particularly when it would have been so easy to change a few rules that really annoy fans.
“For example we could have changed the stripping rule so that if the player is making a tackle he can strip the ball. It is up to the ball carrier to secure it. We could have done away with the archaic double-movement rule and simply ruled that the ball is dead when it hits the ground, just like everywhere else on the field, and not had guesses about momentum.
“Instead, we brought in rules that make the last five minutes of an NRL game like an NBL game. No-one asked for that. So why did we do it? I’m determined to get to the bottom of it.”
Smith is casting his net far and wide in his search for investigators, but sources confirm he favours a team called Holmes and Watson at the moment. It seems that he has seen video footage of them in action.
Barry Lloyd
Roar Rookie
No, what I mean about double movements is that they are too open to interpretation. The rule only exists because it's there and no-one thought to get rid of it. Like the corner post rule. It's stupid and shouldn't be a penalty at all. Either say anything goes or the ball is dead where it hit the ground. Works OK for players trying to get the ball out of the in goal area. If it touches the ground and the player tries to promote it he isn't penalized. The ref just rules it grounded. I wouldn't care which alternative they chose and in a few years no-one would remember there ever was a situation where you lost possession and field position because the ref ruled that you moved your arm while sliding along the ground. Why persist with rules that rely on guesswork?
ABarbauld
Roar Rookie
Wonderful piece Barry Lloyd. I sometimes wonder why the video ref can't hear the TV commentary as they seem to analyse it on field action far better than the ref who has no sound in his box
Scrubbit
Guest
I like this article. Well written and quite funny at the same thing. However that double movement suggestion is silly. What happens if a player dives for the line while being tackled and ends up having his entire body in goal? It's a no try penalty just because the ball touches the ground in field of play first? How's he supposed to stop himself sliding?
Boomshanka
Guest
Me thinks its time for Stevie Wonder to step down as Video Ref.
Squirrel
Guest
It has to be the worst year ever by the refs.yeah bring in Stephen hawkings it could not be any worse
Steve b
Guest
The pinkies should be hanging their heads in shame some of the decisions on feild and in the video box were shockers. i know they cant get it right all the time but just lately their have been some absolute mind blowers .As young player said to me the other day its easy to fool the refs on obsruction , he said if their going to score just step a little bit towards a dummy runner and make him just touch you then throw yourself on the ground and the ref will say obstruction . He assured me it works in his under 10s .I asked where did you learn that from , he said watching the big boys on tv.